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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Today we went and spent the day (as a family, dh included) with my grandparents. I love going there.. it's nice and relaxing. My aunt, cousin and cousin's bf were there as well today. Cousin's bf (we'll call him T) likes to point out how freaking HUGE I am each and EVERY time I see him. Today T asks if I'm having twins.. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:he then proceeds to go on and on about how massive I look <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> and ends with a cough and says *behemoth*. WTF!? I was practically in tears. What is it about a pregnant woman that makes people feel they can say how big she is? Normally I am very petite when not pregnant, I'm 5'1 usually around 105-110 pounds. I weighed 136 at my last appointment... I feel that's a relatively healthy gain for me. I truly believe because of my stature, my petite frame baby has nowhere else to go but out, it's not that I've piled on a bunch of pounds. In the past I've struggled with food issues and body image issues, so has my cousin. T should be A LOT more sympathetic about weight then he is. I'm seriously considering telling him how fat his head is the next time he opens up his mouth about how huge I am. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
I just had to get that out.. I tried talking to dh about it earlier and he said he thinks he does the same at work. I emphatically explained to him that it is insensitive and rude to tell a woman she looks huge just because she is pregnant. Pregnancy is a very sensitive time for us and hearing how HUGE we are is not a wonderful thing. Hopefully he'll remember that next time.. now if only my cousin will tell her man the same.
 

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OMFG how OLD is this kid,12?? What a childish attitude. I would,'t let this kid's stupidity get to you. It's obvious he is just an immature jerk. Many,many men find pregnant women very attractive & sensual... I am always amazed at the attention I get when I'm pregnant, seems more than when I'm NOT! I don't know how your cousin puts up w/ such childish behavior. Maybe your DH needs to teach him a thing or two about how a MAN should behave! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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Ugh, how very tactless. My sister just had a similar experience--about a week before she delivered a 9 lb baby a cashier at the grocery store asked rather snarkily if she was expecting twins. She was upset because she couldn't think up a witty comeback. I told her she should have asked the cashier when her baby was due (the cashier wasn't pregnant.) Of course that wouldn't work for a man. . .Really, you have every right to tell him to knock it off. I can't believe that someone wouldn't realize those comments are completely inappropriate. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
He's been this way the majority of my pregnancy.. I'm usually able to ignore it but I've been rather sensitive about things lately. DH sometimes is no better but he would NEVER insult me he just makes references to the big baby belly I have. I think my cousin (who is more like a sister because of the way we grew up) noticed that it was hurtful and I'm hoping she says something to him about it, otherwise I think next time I will say something. DH and my grandmother think he meant it in a teasing fashion.. and for all I know he did but it's not right to tease and be hurtful. I already FEEL huge I don't need to be told I look as such.
 

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Nic- Sorry you had a rough day!!! I am going to think nice thoughts and think he was only lovingly teasing you. No, it is not ok to tease a pg woman (maybe unless she starts it and kind of gives you the ok), but he is a man who just doesn't get that! You and I have gained about the same, but I would have expected you to maybe gain a little more than that already. I started out a little heavy (but still in normal range) for my 5'7 1/2" frame. You seem like you may be a little underweight. Is that right, or am I just out of touch with "normal" range for your height. Good for you honey for gaining the weight you need to gain for that sweet baby!!!<br><br>
I personally feel HUGE myself. My mom and I were talking about it today, and we don't think I ever looked this big with Benji. Benji rode REALLY low and a little spread out, and this one is high and spread all the way down. Some people think I look huge and ready to pop (boy I felt like that after our big family lunch complete with 4-6 glasses of water). Some people can't believe I am this far along and still so teeny tiny. It all goes back to someone will always have something different to say. I'm just happy that we all seem to be having pretty healthy pregnancies! Grow babies grow! I guess part of my partial (ignore my super emotional last week) indifference to this whole thing is that I know my sis would give anything to be in our shoes. She wouldn't care what people said because she wants to be pg again more than anything. Don't worry about what people say...especially the boys who thankfully never know what it is like. Wow! Can you imagine some of the boys/guys we know being in labor???? They would pass out!
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Mel~ technically I'm supposed to weigh around 116 but with my bone structure that's too much weight. Prior to weaning Aidan I was always under 100 pounds, my average weight was around 83 pounds so I actually felt good to be at a more "normal" weight. With the boys I gained between 50 and 60 pounds and I was content with that, I eat and don't pay attention to my weight much unless somebody else makes a big deal out of it.<br><br>
I feel huge as well.. I was this big with the boys at the end which is odd because I have only gained half of what I gained with them. I am carrying way differently though. No one has told me I am tiny.. everybody I come across asks my due date thinking I'm ready to pop like now and when I say the end of July their jaws drop. I'm keeping your sister in my thoughts. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I get that a lot. You are tiny...I have placed it in my head that I will not let it bother me....for it's a natural event and I walk right past people who I know want to make me feel bad. I went to the pool by myself the other day and I know I looked big.....I chose to wear a nice African wrap skirt and decided to just walk right in the pool area with my head high.....and do my thing.....the whole time I got it in my head that "I am carrying a miracle...."<br><br>
What bothered me most lately though was that I was teaching one of my art classes and one of the teachers brought in a guest, her sister. The sister sat there and was giggling to her sister about my belly. I was wearing a smock over my shirt and it stuck out in a funny way.....I thought about it later and smiled a bit thinking that one day this young woman will too be pregnant and maybe then she will want her younger female peers to feel a bit of compassion when she gets to her 8th month...<br><br>
all in all.....I really like how big I am. I love the fact that my body can do this. IT IS A MIRACLE and men will never experience it, and of women say anything, then they have never seen the real beauty of it. I actually hate it most when women say something....for men, the whole experience is so foreign. My husband told me that he has never even noticed a pregnant women until we got pregnant....so, I don't blame people for being shocked at seeing something they often do not see....a beautiful pregnant woman....<br><br>
enjoy it and ignore the idiots....<br>
perhaps a good comeback would just be, "OH, you're just jealous that your body is not able to make a human being" (to a man)<br><br>
or to a younger woman, "be careful what you mock....one day, you too may be pregnant"<br><br>
to an older woman, "Yes, I am big, I have a big strong mirable of a baby in here, and I could not be happier!"<br><br>
Miriam
 

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Honestly, Nic, I think smaller women look big when they're pregnant because they have no fat to hide the baby in. If you'd gained 50 pounds on your rear nobody would be telling you you're huge--your belly would just blend in<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> . Your cousin's boyfriend may have just thought since you're so small that it's safe to tell you you're big. I noticed when I was younger and thinner that people thought they could say whatever they wanted about my weight. Somehow it's acceptable to say rude things to small women. When I gained 10-15 lbs the comments stopped. So, be annoyed with him for being rude, but don't let it make you feel bad.
 

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Response to rude friends/relatives: "Wow. That's really insensitive. Are you trying to hurt my feelings?" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
Rude strangers: "Oh, no! I'm going to get <b>much</b> bigger!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mm72873</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8114371"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
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perhaps a good comeback would just be...</div>
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Those are so polite. I was going to suggest:<br><br>
"Hmm well you seem to be stupid... at least *I* am going to give birth!"<br><br>
(insert ugly, insensitive, fat, or whatever other insult you like instead of stupid)
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>fw221</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8115076"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Response to rude friends/relatives: "Wow. That's really insensitive. Are you trying to hurt my feelings?" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"></div>
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I love this one! I always call people out when they say something rude to me(in a nice way- not an angry tone). It makes them feel SO UNCOMFORTABLE and embarrassed! I LOVE it!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: Nic, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't be hearing that. Do you have to be around him any more before the baby's born? You are a beautiful woman who is creating a <b>healthy</b> and <b>strong</b> baby.
 

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I understand 100% of what you're feeling mumofnic... I've been aggravated to the point of considering having a sweatshirt printed that says "my baby is none of your business". But I suspect that even this wouldn't keep the real idiots from having their say. When folks hear I still have 9 weeks to go their mouths fall open. When I see my profile I am shocked. But like was said before... THIS IS A GREAT MIRACLE. That other people can't see the big picture is their problem. I just chalk up some of my reactions to idiots as pregnancy hormones, but this doesn't excuse their behavior. At least we're all in this together. And when our sweet little babies make their way into this wide world it will all have been worth it.<br>
L
 

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Nic, I agree with the poster who mentioned that people seem to think that they can say whatever they want to "smaller" women about their weight and body size. It's unfair, and insensitive. I hope your cousin said something to her bf about his inappropriate comments, and I do hope you're feeling proud of yourself for taking such good care of your body and your baby!
 

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I seriously would have said "well I'm bringing life into this world, currently, what's your excuse" or something along those lines. Or... maybe I woulda just kicked him. That's not ok, at any point!
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Thanks all so much for your words of encouragement and ideas for how to deal with clueless jerks. I feel much better about it today.. and I know most of my reaction is hormonal, I just get sick of hearing how big I am, how I'm about to pop, how can I possibly get any bigger.. OMG [email protected] Yeah.. those sorts of comments are absolutely no fun.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br>
Just ignore the insensitive people. You are growing a BABY! Go you!
 

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i'm getting these comments too, and i'm due in august! my fave comeback is i'm pregnant, what's your excuse? works for men or women.
 

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The only problem with comebacks is that they are so rude. I guess I don't feel the need to be rude just because someone else is rude. I think it would be funnier to say...actually I am having triplets...a litter of kittens...or whatever...don't I look fabulous? I don't know. I get both sides of the coin...you are so small and you are so big, but I have a much taller frame to stretch all this out over. When my dear friend was pg (she is 5'1 or 2" standing up straight...in heels), she looked like she was swallowed up by the whole pg. Her body only had one place to put the baby, but mine can move it around a little more. I did think she looked fabulous all the same, and I am so happy that they had an unexpected little miracle. It is hard when we are having an extra emotional day...then someone says something rude and stupid.
 

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So I was at the checkout counter yesterday and this guy standing next to me says "you're getting big!!!" And thanks to this thread I said "so are you!" Then he says "no really whats going on there? you look like you're about ready to pop" And I told him "I'm having a baby in 9 weeks and it's all worth it". I wish I had thought to say instead "I'm bringing a new life into this world, what's your excuse?" I have to say that it felt alot better to have a rude comeback than to just stand there feeling fat and aggravated.<br>
Lisa
 
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