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I posted a related question on a different board, and was surprised at the answers I received. In retrospect, I shouldn't have been, because I know the bias of the forum, but I still am surprised that EVERY response I got said basically the same thing. Here's a little backstory:

DH is a pretty stylish guy, and he would gladly have me fork over some cash to invest in some new, more stylish clothes. However, I've put us on a tight budget because I'm trying to save money to quit my job next year, and I'm having trouble with the concept of buying new, pricy clothing that's just going to get stained and wrinkled and faded. I work from home, and I homeschool the kids, so I stay home all day with small children, who still have a tendency to come over and hug me and sneak a mouth wipe as they do, IYKWIM. And I want to be comfortable--I don't want to worry whether my bra is showing through my placket or my shirt is hiking up over my belly, or whether I'll be able to get the ketchup out of my $30 shirt.

I know he's a teeny bit unhappy that I'm just a jeans and T-shirt kind of gal, and he does make comments to that effect occasionally. Then again, this was the man who said that we couldn't apply our "emergency fund" to our rapidly dwindling debt because we might need it for an actual emergency, but was happy to blow it in Atlantic City, so I do question his priorities a bit. I'm just struggling between bare practicality and less practical style. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to buy myself some new things too, but I fought hard to get out of the "retail therapy" mindset. I really don't want to fall back in.

So, is it my responsibility to dress up a bit to "honor" my husband? To clarify, I'm not walking around in stained, holey clothes, just nice T-shirts and jeans or khakis, sandals or loafers, etc. Several people suggested that I could hurry to fix myself up a bit when I know DH is on his way home.

Am I completely out of the loop here? Do most people do this, or think this way? I know my DH would love it, of course.

WDYT?
 

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Hmm, I know what DH likes and doesn't like ad try to accommodate that somewhat. Not that a owe it to him but I WANT to look nice for him. I want him to be attracted to me, I want to keep our romance alive. So occasionally when I go shopping I will buy a dress that I know he will love me in.
 

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My 'boyfriend' said something like that to me once. I really did not get it. I can see how making a little effort if you are going out together or something like that, but otherwise I would feel really uncomfortable if I felt I had to try and look a certain way for my partner. The way I see it, if you are going shopping anyway, it would be nice to choose things that he will like too, if they are in the same budget and you can live with them. Other than that, I think is a bit much unless you have tons of disposable income. I assume you are teaching your children not to worry too much about their appearance and not be too superficial, so I would be more concerned about setting a good example of that rather than looking good for your man.
 

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while i don't know how your dh would like you to dress i do think you are being practical and rational. i can't justify going out and buying new clothes when we're trying to save. instead, since i do want dh to appreciate the way i'm looking, i try to take it into consideration when i'm buying something new. maybe not going all out but if the style is a little more of what he likes then i'll go for it. and i also try to remember that its just clothes and if its gets stained it gets stained and i probably won't have it 10 or maybe even 5 years from now and i certainly can't take it with me when i die so let it go. but i also don't do it out of honor nor do i stop everything to prepare for his homecoming. if i remember and am in the mood occasionally i might surprise him.
to tell you the truth i'm a little at a loss of how your dh wants you to dress nicer it sounds like you dress nice to me. any dresser and i would be going out on the town.lol.
 

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Hmm.... I think if you do it because you want to it is closer to honor and if you do it because you feel you have to then it is closer to responsibility. I can see your point of view and reasoning for your current manner of dressing. But also remember men are generally a visually stimulated type. Dressing nicely for your partner can be helpful in keeping physical desire strong. And for some men, seeing their partner dressed nicely makes them feel good in the way that they have taken good care of you and your 'needs', even if your needs aren't all that lavish.

My DP buys me things to wear, mostly jewelry, and I enjoy wearing them both because I like them, and because I want to show him appreciation. These are not expensive gifts, but I know he likes to see me wear them. I also know he likes to see me dressed nicely, even when I have no occasion to do so. So I do it as a way of honoring his WOH so that I can SAH with DD. If a small thing can please a partner and it is not particularly displeasing to the other partner, then I see no harm. Is there any reason (other than time and getting kid stains) why you would not want to do this for your DH from time to time? This is something I would ask myself.

Best wishes
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by peace_laughing View Post
So I do it as a way of honoring his WOH so that I can SAH with DD. If a small thing can please a partner and it is not particularly displeasing to the other partner, then I see no harm. Is there any reason (other than time and getting kid stains) why you would not want to do this for your DH from time to time? This is something I would ask myself.

Best wishes
So if you were a WAHM or a WOHM, would you feel that you should "honor" him in the same way? I work almost full-time, in addition to managing 95% of our home life. (Not arguing, just trying to gain some perspective, I promise.) Also, I don't have a problem with the "from time to time" part. It was suggested in the other thread that we should do it each day when DH is on his way home. I just wondered what most people's reality is, I guess?
 

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Aside from the odd time to please us both, no, I wouldn't.

I have no objections if people want to dress well or up themselves, and quite often I like to.

But expensive clothing/packaging or impractical clothing/packaging is not something I want to place high value on in my home. I don't want my kids thinking they have to dress to please their life partners, and that's what I would be modelling if I did that. I would be pretty upset if my partner were hinting that the clean/decent/appropriate clothes I had chosen with my brain based on my day and my comfort were somehow not okay.

I would definitely not be putting on the pearls for his arrival home.
 

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its not my reality! but if it was just put on a different shirt i would do it.although i have to admit i'd feel silly for getting another shirt dirty.
BTW the each day bit reminds me of this housewifes guide from the 50s which said just that: to stop and prepare yourself and the area of the house where he first comes in and where he first goes to i(e fav. chair). then to remove his shoes, offer him a drink and listen about his day but not to bring up your day and issues for a least an hour. because its your responsabilty as wife each day. i think a lot of things have changed since then
 

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Quote:
So, is it my responsibility to dress up a bit to "honor" my husband? To clarify, I'm not walking around in stained, holey clothes, just nice T-shirts and jeans or khakis, sandals or loafers, etc. Several people suggested that I could hurry to fix myself up a bit when I know DH is on his way home.

Am I completely out of the loop here? Do most people do this, or think this way? I know my DH would love it, of course.

WDYT?
Short answer no, it's not your responsibility. Although dressing up once a week or maybe after you get the kids to bed or you go out for dinner could be a nice gesture. I wouldn't feel obligated to do it on a daily basis though, and I sure wouldn't spend money I can't afford.
 

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I have a middle of the road approach. I'm a WAHM, and have a 3.5 year old and 5 month old, and I'm forever getting jam, or almond butter or spit up all over me, so fancy clothes won't do. I'm also very active - I walk 10km every day with the kids, so I need to have clothes that I can move and sweat in. I do tend to feel frumpy if I spend too much time in khakis and a tank top, so I find that clothes from Lululemon are a godsend! The colours don't fade, or easily stain, they are stretchy, stylish and they even have this amazing silverescent fabric that's anti-stink
:
 

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I have a few nice outfits. They are old. I wear them to his work picnics, work parties, church events, etc. I will look nice at social things. For everyday, I do not dress up. I have 2 young kids. I need to wear comfortable clothes since I am on the floor, laying down to nurse ds to sleep, need clothes that are bfing accessable, appropriate to go down sliding boards at the park, etc. I do not wear stained, torn or tattered sweatpants that are 3 sizes too small or 3 sizes too big or anything really horrible. I feel it is my responsibility to dress so that I am appropriate if we get unexpected company or for a trip to the grocery store. Basically, to be neat and clean, so I am not an embarrassment to him. I do not think it is my responsibility to dress stylish on a daily basis or anything. I brush my hair, my teeth, and apply lip gloss before he comes home. I will change my clothes only if there is a dirty spot on them.
 

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I like to look like I put forth some effort for DH but I dont feel like I "owe" him that or anything. If I feel like crap or had a bad day and he comes home and I am still in yoga pants, oh well. LOL

Typically I try to get dressed and throw a bit of makeup on. I actually FEEL better when I look put together for some reason.....LOL
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by DesireeH View Post
I like to look like I put forth some effort for DH but I dont feel like I "owe" him that or anything. If I feel like crap or had a bad day and he comes home and I am still in yoga pants, oh well. LOL

Typically I try to get dressed and throw a bit of makeup on. I actually FEEL better when I look put together for some reason.....LOL
I agree with this.

Although in fairness, I do prefer dh dressed stylish to rumpled jeans and an old shirt. He doesn't have to be a in a tux or anything, but I do think it's nice when he puts effort into his appearance. I'm sure it's only natural that he feels the same way about me. (He's never made a comment of this nature, but I tend not to get too slouchy because I feel better about myself when I'm dressed up a bit.)
 

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i think it's possible to have stylish, comfortable, practical, and affordable clothing. but, you just have to find what works for you.

i'm not sure what his expectations are, but i do get a lot of compliments about the way that i dress. that is, people say that i'm very well dressed.

my basics are: jeans, khakis, skirts (or skorts) in simple shapes; tanks or camisoles under nice t-shirts or button downs. the rest is accessorizing with jewelry, scarves, jackets, and shoes.

i do have some dressier items for wedding and such; i also have more casual items for things like hiking or other forms of exercise (though i prefer to hike in skorts and change shoes once off trail as well), but overall, i have a very basic wardrobe with a rather extensive collection of accessories.
 

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I don't get it. DP has never complained about a single thing I've worn. Dressed down with work out clothes? He thinks I'm hot. Shorts/jeans and a t-shirt? Hot still. Dresses? Yup, he likes those too. Pj's? Haven't heard a complaint yet


Typically, day to day, I wear jeans/shorts and a t-shirt. Sometimes I'll wear a dressier t-shirt or a tank top or whatever. Almost never do I wear make-up. I hear how beautiful I am everyday, no matter what I'm wearing. Every once in a while I dress up for him to surprise him


DP is in the business world and dresses up a lot. I am in the mommy world and don't (I also work in a daycare, so I really don't dress up to go to work). We laugh about it, but we just are in different worlds sometimes.
 

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also, i should add, that i do dress for myself.

as a yoga teacher, yoga clothes are incredibly tedious and often uncomfortable to me outside of teaching time. i don't really feel "dressed" in them, unless i dress them up with nicer shoes, scarf or wrap, jewelry, etc. if i'm going out right after a class, i will either change quickly or dress those clothes up as best as humanly possible with accessories.

and it does work--people often dont' notice that they're yoga clothes.

i just don't like always looking like a yoga teacher/gym rat or whatever.
i like to look nice.

so, i really dress for myself, not my partner.
 

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Practicality wins when we're talking about day-to-day clothes. As far as I'm concerned, I'm in survival mode and totally outnumbered by my two crazy kids. I don't look like a slob, but I'm definitely not going to make a mad dash to the bathroom to spruce myself up for him 2 minutes before he walks through the door. I can't trust my kids to stay out of trouble for that long AND quite frankly, dressing up for DH never crosses my mind under those circumstances.

OTOH, when we go out on a date night or for a wedding or something, it feels really good to dress up for him -- probably because I know I'm going to get lucky later that night!
So I try to keep his "likes" in mind when I'm getting dressed (he likes me in sleeveless, and his favorite color is blue).

Anyway, I don't think you should dress up for HIM. If you want to, then that's a different story.
 

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I WOH, FT, nights. The 2 nights I'm off work, I do try to be "presentable" when DH comes home. Mainly, I brush my hair and teeth and change out of my t-shirt if my toddler (or I) have left anything noticeable. Mostly just so *I* don't feel slobby.

DH would love it if I dressed more stylishly, but he's grown accustomed to my shorts and a tshirt/jeans and a sweater look. He'd also love it I let my hair grow to my butt and dyed it platinum blonde, but that just ain't happening.

He does comment about my appearanc when I make the effort to dress up for an occassion, holiday, meal out, whatever, but it's usually "New dress? Looks nice!" to a dress he's seen several times before. So why bother getting new stuff if the old stuff looks new to him each time!?!
 

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I don't feel like I need to or that I must dress for my partner or to "honor" him. Neither of us expect that.

However, it does give me a lot of pleasure/happiness to give him pleasure or make him happy. So, if I know he likes something on me or a certain style, I'll wear it for him. All the time, now, lol. He'll do the same for me in other things, as it makes him happy to make me happy.

We're currently trying for our first child, obviously things will change A LOT when we have a baby. I'm not going to bother dressing up for him (he's a heels, skirt guy) if I'm in the first few months of motherhood. Or whenever my child's priorities top something fairly insignificant like dressing in nice clothes.

Still, after getting some semblance of "normalcy" back or some semblance of a routine (set by baby, of course) ... I'm hoping that I'll still be able to surprise him with the things he likes. Just as I hope he makes time for the things I like.

I think it's nice - even in small things like dressing for one's partner, or picking up their favorite meal on the way home, or making their favorite baked goods as a treat, etc., - to have that in one's relationship. It keeps the romance, spark going. At least, in our case.
 
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