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Hello fellow mammas, im just ranting here and maybe in the need of some hugs...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I *had* a very low self esteem, ever since i was very young, i really cared too much about people said or thought about me, when i get to the point of just doing things to please everybody around me, and specially my school classmates. Just becuase when i was 11, a group of girls started to bother me of how fat i was (and looking at pictures of me at that age, i wonder what its their meaning of fat as i was skinny) i decided not to eat. But later i thought that my parents will find out that i had stop eating, so opted to throw up everything i ate, the easy way to be thinner and as i thought with no consequences.<br>
There ws no single day that my school peers tell me how ugly i was ever since i was little, i was always by myself the black sheep of the school, friendless. My neighbor (who is 2 years older than i am) ack in my hometwon always used to tell me about my ugly hair, and chicken legs. When actually i had, beautiful curly hair. I cut it off, becuase at that time in my mind it was ugly. I never wore shorts since the first day she insulted me of how i looked. I didnt want to show my ugly chicken legs. I was also told about my height(i'm tall) and wished i were shorter. One day when i was 13, a girl told me how i wished i could kill myself. I started with cutting first. atempted suicide at the age of 14, luckily my dad found me and saved my life.<br><br>
My DH, has been drug and alcohol(sp?) free for 7 years know, he was a cocaine addict for years. He successfully completed rehab and he's living a normal and healthy life, and he's a wonderful DH and a loving father.<br><br>
Now I learned to love myself and how i am. And i feel proud of myself becuase of that, i know that i'm not useless and there are many things that i can do. I learned that love is real, that they are nice persons in this world.<br><br>
Cesar was the greatest gift that DH and I could ever recieved. He've showed us lots of things others cant. And how finally we did something right<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br>
He's loving(maybe a little jealous), active, intelligent, he's everything we need. He's just perfect. Its so amazing, when i go out by myself to get home and see him trowing his toys aside and running to give me a big hug and kisses. It's so great to see DH crossing the doors of *our* house after a long day's work with a smile on his face. We are happy.<br><br>
Thanks for listening mammas<br>
hugs are welcome<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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That's wonderful <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Jug</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10306105"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
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Now I learned to love myself and how i am. And i feel proud of myself becuase of that, i know that i'm not useless and there are many things that i can do. I learned that love is real, that they are nice persons in this world.</div>
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Your son is living proof of all that you can do, and that there is real love in this world. I'm sorry you had so much hurt in your past, but I'm glad your shared your story because it's so uplifting to hear how things have changed for you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
I'm so sorry to hear about what you went through when you were a child.<br><br>
ETA: Your post was inspiring.
 

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Hello!!!!!! Fellow suicidal, bulimic mum over here raising a 2 year old and nearly 4 year old!!!!!!<br><br>
I too have learned that love is real and that I am not completely useless.<br><br>
You should feel proud, you are doing OK momma!!!!!!!!<br><br>
I am not feeling ok but I am still alive and thats enough for right now.<br><br>
You are an inspiration to others, truely.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Way to go, I'm glad you found joy, my son has saved my life as well.
 
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