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I'm sure some of you remember my frustrating posts over the last almost year or so. Gosh, I can't believe it's been so long and things are still going on.<br><br>
Anyway, we used to do timeouts, 1-2-3 magic style. It worked, but I felt like I was a dog trainer or something. We learned about GD, I read books, dh and I have talked a lot, we know that GD is what we want. It is SO hard to put into practice though. I will say that we're 100x better than a year ago and have a lot of new thoughts that are helpful. In the last few months, things have started getting worse again though. One of the four year olds consistently says "Well I can do whatever I want" and laughs at us. The three big boys fight with each other a lot. The aggressive stuff got out of hand. Dh and I talked on Christmas about how when we used to do 1-2-3, it worked and we were all happier. So we agreed to start it again for "big" issues.<br><br>
We do a sort of timeout for hurting, they take a break and I tell them when they can play nicely, they can come back. Within 5 minutes they come back and they're fine.<br><br>
For other things, it's more of an "If I get to three, X is going to be put away." which is whatever is causing the problem.<br><br>
I find that I'm counting more and more. And I find that I don't like it. It feels so disrespectful to them.<br><br>
So I'm going to stop. I still like the issue of separating for aggressiveness towards brothers. It's the only thing that works. Only, I guess it's silly to say That's 1, that's 2, etc. If they are being aggressive, I should probably just tell them once and split them up on the next issue.<br><br>
I'm also going to try to imagine how I'd want someone else to handle a problem (my mom, kindergarten teacher, preschool teacher, my friend, etc). I wouldn't be okay with them yelling at my kids or barking orders at them, so just because I'm their mom doesn't make it right. In fact, they should be able to expect that I will be even *more* loving and kind to them.<br><br>
One thing I'm going to work hard at remembering is that I must model the way I want them to act. And also that I can't learn something difficult after being told one or two or even ten times. It takes time and practice. So why do I expect it from them?<br><br>
I'm also working really hard at one on one time every single day with my kids. Even though it means that the house isn't good at all, I know that my kids are where my priorities need to be. I can have a house that's "good enough" and kids that know with everything in them that they are loved.<br><br>
I'm posting this because I think it's easier for me to do something if I commit to do it in front of someone else. I have a few dear friends but they disagree with me intensely about GD, so I'm sure I'd just get an eyeroll.<br><br>
This board is so good for me. It's an inspiration. There are people here that I look at and I'm just in awe and feel like I need to bow at their greatness. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> Even if I'm sure I could never be *that* gentle, I do aspire to be better every day and it forces me to look at how we handle things and why we do them.
Anyway, we used to do timeouts, 1-2-3 magic style. It worked, but I felt like I was a dog trainer or something. We learned about GD, I read books, dh and I have talked a lot, we know that GD is what we want. It is SO hard to put into practice though. I will say that we're 100x better than a year ago and have a lot of new thoughts that are helpful. In the last few months, things have started getting worse again though. One of the four year olds consistently says "Well I can do whatever I want" and laughs at us. The three big boys fight with each other a lot. The aggressive stuff got out of hand. Dh and I talked on Christmas about how when we used to do 1-2-3, it worked and we were all happier. So we agreed to start it again for "big" issues.<br><br>
We do a sort of timeout for hurting, they take a break and I tell them when they can play nicely, they can come back. Within 5 minutes they come back and they're fine.<br><br>
For other things, it's more of an "If I get to three, X is going to be put away." which is whatever is causing the problem.<br><br>
I find that I'm counting more and more. And I find that I don't like it. It feels so disrespectful to them.<br><br>
So I'm going to stop. I still like the issue of separating for aggressiveness towards brothers. It's the only thing that works. Only, I guess it's silly to say That's 1, that's 2, etc. If they are being aggressive, I should probably just tell them once and split them up on the next issue.<br><br>
I'm also going to try to imagine how I'd want someone else to handle a problem (my mom, kindergarten teacher, preschool teacher, my friend, etc). I wouldn't be okay with them yelling at my kids or barking orders at them, so just because I'm their mom doesn't make it right. In fact, they should be able to expect that I will be even *more* loving and kind to them.<br><br>
One thing I'm going to work hard at remembering is that I must model the way I want them to act. And also that I can't learn something difficult after being told one or two or even ten times. It takes time and practice. So why do I expect it from them?<br><br>
I'm also working really hard at one on one time every single day with my kids. Even though it means that the house isn't good at all, I know that my kids are where my priorities need to be. I can have a house that's "good enough" and kids that know with everything in them that they are loved.<br><br>
I'm posting this because I think it's easier for me to do something if I commit to do it in front of someone else. I have a few dear friends but they disagree with me intensely about GD, so I'm sure I'd just get an eyeroll.<br><br>
This board is so good for me. It's an inspiration. There are people here that I look at and I'm just in awe and feel like I need to bow at their greatness. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> Even if I'm sure I could never be *that* gentle, I do aspire to be better every day and it forces me to look at how we handle things and why we do them.
