Mothering Forum banner

1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,690 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm sure some of you remember my frustrating posts over the last almost year or so. Gosh, I can't believe it's been so long and things are still going on.<br><br>
Anyway, we used to do timeouts, 1-2-3 magic style. It worked, but I felt like I was a dog trainer or something. We learned about GD, I read books, dh and I have talked a lot, we know that GD is what we want. It is SO hard to put into practice though. I will say that we're 100x better than a year ago and have a lot of new thoughts that are helpful. In the last few months, things have started getting worse again though. One of the four year olds consistently says "Well I can do whatever I want" and laughs at us. The three big boys fight with each other a lot. The aggressive stuff got out of hand. Dh and I talked on Christmas about how when we used to do 1-2-3, it worked and we were all happier. So we agreed to start it again for "big" issues.<br><br>
We do a sort of timeout for hurting, they take a break and I tell them when they can play nicely, they can come back. Within 5 minutes they come back and they're fine.<br><br>
For other things, it's more of an "If I get to three, X is going to be put away." which is whatever is causing the problem.<br><br>
I find that I'm counting more and more. And I find that I don't like it. It feels so disrespectful to them.<br><br>
So I'm going to stop. I still like the issue of separating for aggressiveness towards brothers. It's the only thing that works. Only, I guess it's silly to say That's 1, that's 2, etc. If they are being aggressive, I should probably just tell them once and split them up on the next issue.<br><br>
I'm also going to try to imagine how I'd want someone else to handle a problem (my mom, kindergarten teacher, preschool teacher, my friend, etc). I wouldn't be okay with them yelling at my kids or barking orders at them, so just because I'm their mom doesn't make it right. In fact, they should be able to expect that I will be even *more* loving and kind to them.<br><br>
One thing I'm going to work hard at remembering is that I must model the way I want them to act. And also that I can't learn something difficult after being told one or two or even ten times. It takes time and practice. So why do I expect it from them?<br><br>
I'm also working really hard at one on one time every single day with my kids. Even though it means that the house isn't good at all, I know that my kids are where my priorities need to be. I can have a house that's "good enough" and kids that know with everything in them that they are loved.<br><br>
I'm posting this because I think it's easier for me to do something if I commit to do it in front of someone else. I have a few dear friends but they disagree with me intensely about GD, so I'm sure I'd just get an eyeroll.<br><br>
This board is so good for me. It's an inspiration. There are people here that I look at and I'm just in awe and feel like I need to bow at their greatness. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> Even if I'm sure I could never be *that* gentle, I do aspire to be better every day and it forces me to look at how we handle things and why we do them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,383 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I've found myself counting, and I don't like it. I feel like I'm training dogs, not nurturing/raising my children. I hate it. It started out with me saying it like this: "Stop hitting your brother." "This is the second time I'm telling you - stop hitting your brother." "Okay, this is the third time I've had to tell you to stop hitting your brother, time to go in your room and take a time out." That turned more into just counting, and it seems lame.<br><br>
I gotta figure out how to quit, and find something that actually works.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Good for you stopping the cycle when you see it starting up again.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,442 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
11,072 Posts
Kristi, read this thread at CL. We just discussed the "I can do whatever I want" of 5 year olds. <a href="http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consensual-living/message/4478" target="_blank">http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4478</a><br><br><br>
How is your self-care, mama? How about delegating some housework? When is mama time? Are you getting enough sleep? Eating protein? Drinking water? My ability to creatively redirect and problem solve drops with my blood sugar and energy...<br><br><br>
Pat
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,990 Posts
I count too sometimes. It gives them a chance to retreat while still maintaining some dignity- in an odd way. They start giggling and run off screaming, so the counting makes it easy for them to change improper behavior into something funny.<br><br>
I think timeouts can be a good thing. We all need to take timeouts. I know I sure need to! When we separate our kids, or send them to a quiet spot for a short while, we are training them to understand when they need quiet space to settle down.<br><br>
If more people in this world gave themselves timeouts before acting, we'd have a much less violent world.
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top