[tjlucca]

I have no idea why this is happening. EVERYDAY DD REFUSES to get dressed. I offer choices to pick out her outfit. I talk about how I am grateful when she helps. I talk about the things we are going to go do that she will like. I get excited about what a "big kid" she is, able to get dressed all by her self (she is three). Nothing works. She just says NO. EVERYDAY!!! When we go out to do the shopping or errands, I plan at least one activity for her in the day (a lunch/play date, or stop at the park or something. She gets excited when I tell her about the days activities, but then WON'T get dresses.

She is capable of doing it on her own. I've seen it (rarely). Do I just take her and get her dressed? Do it for her? That doesn't really feel right. I want to help her operate with autonomy. I want her to be independent and know she can rely on her self. If I just pick her up, take her in her room and dress her aren't I taking her power away? On the other hand I feel powerless! I can't get out of the house. It takes an hour (sometimes 2 or 3) to get her dressed. I usually end up angry by the time we leave, then she and I spend the afternoon feeling disconnected and resentful.

It occurred to me to just let her stay in her Pajamas, but we live in Minnesota for right now. It's too cold outside to not get dressed! I am so sick of this. I feel a sense of loss. We enjoy the morning; have breakfast, she helps with laundry or something, we'll do a puzzle to together or read her latest library books, but hen this happens and we both end up feeling bad. I have asked her why this happens. She says "cause I say no"....... Help Please?!!

 

[nina_yyc]

I don't have a 3yo yet so maybe it's different, but if it's wrecking your day I say go ahead and dress her. Sounds like you're doing a lot of asking her what she wants and letting her make choices but then you're not happy with the choices she makes. I would eliminate some choices, maybe institute a routine for laying out clothes the night before and getting dressed first thing in the morning with as little discussion as possible. I don't see anything wrong with a 3yo needing help getting dressed - she has plenty of time to learn to do it on her own.

 

[tjlucca]

She already knows how to do it on her own. I do offer help. I sit with her. Help her pull her arms out of her sleeves, help with buttons and snaps, Front and back. She still refuses. I don't offer the choice of getting dressed or not getting dressed. I say" Time to get dressed". So it's not like she is given the option of NOT getting dressed. It goes like this;

Me: Time to get dressed (cheerful). What do you want to wear?
DD: NO
Me: Do you want to pick out your cloths or Mama pick out you cloths.
DD: Mama do it (usually).
Me: Okay.
Me: (after I've pick something out) Let's do your shirt.
DD: NO
Me: Okay. Do you want to start with your pants?
DD:no
Me: Socks?
DD: No

From this point on it's just a stream of "NO" from her.
This is where I feel at a loss. I try not to touch her without her permission...I don't know. Am I giving her to much room to make her own choices?

 

[Shami]

nak Have you read Playful Parenting? great ideas. pretend the clothes are talking to her

 

[Mrsboyko]

I find i have the best luck/ least struggle getting DD dressed when she is still half asleep. Does she wake on her own or do you wake her? Is it the same time every day or does it vairy?

We have to get ready to leave the house right away (work and DC), so not getting dressed for 2-3 hours is NOT an option. Our morning usually goes: me up and dressed, wake her up, potty, dressed. I try to have her clothes picked out before waking her. If she really balks at what i have picked I will let her choose a new shirt or pants. She still fights it, but I don't let it upset me. I either sing a song or recite a poem as I am dressing her to distract her. As long as she has the majority of clothing on, I let her take care of the rest, like socks and shoes or coat.

 

[Shera971]

My DS who is 3 would stay the whole day in his pj's if I let him. But we live in Canada and its getting to that time of year when he needs to get dressed just for warmth. I had success today though. I asked him if his toys could help him get dressed today and he smiled and said yes. We picked two construction workers who then proceeded to try to dress him completely wrong (underwear on the head, socks on the hands ect). DS had such a great time laughing and trying to set the toys "straight" that we were dressed without any fuss and really quickly! It worked today, however tomorrow will probably be a completely different story....

 

[dawncayden]

Ds is getting pretty stubborn with clothes too.

I don't have much to suggest. I learned some things from Playful Parenting that help. The more I make it into a game, the more it helps.
He likes to run around the living room twice, then shirt on...then around the living room twice then underwear...
we get there eventually.

 

[reezley]

DS went through a nice phase when he was into dressing himself. He was a young 3 I think. So he knows how to get dressed. But lately (like the last several months) he often won't do it without help with some or all of it, and usually I have to just start going at it. He usually goes along with it once it's going though. I set up his pants and shirt on the floor so they're oriented correctly for him and he can do those, but he always wants sock and shoe help, so I do those. He can technically do it himself but I figure at some point he'll take over without my pushing too hard on that. I guess I say go ahead and invade her space a bit to get the getting dressing going if she'll be cold in pajamas...

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[nina_yyc]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tjlucca She already knows how to do it on her own. I do offer help. I sit with her. Help her pull her arms out of her sleeves, help with buttons and snaps, Front and back. She still refuses. I don't offer the choice of getting dressed or not getting dressed. I say" Time to get dressed". So it's not like she is given the option of NOT getting dressed. It goes like this; Me: Time to get dressed (cheerful). What do you want to wear? DD: NO Me: Do you want to pick out your cloths or Mama pick out you cloths. DD: Mama do it (usually). Me: Okay. Me: (after I've pick something out) Let's do your shirt. DD: NO Me: Okay. Do you want to start with your pants? DD:no Me: Socks? DD: No From this point on it's just a stream of "NO" from her. This is where I feel at a loss. I try not to touch her without her permission...I don't know. Am I giving her to much room to make her own choices?

I don't know. It does read to me like you're trying to be flexible on the issue but that's not really how you feel, and your DD might be picking up on that. But I don't know if at this point just cutting out a few choices would be enough to break the habit of fighting about it. I would try to shake up the whole routine, try a different time of day, use games, or get your DH to do it a couple times...just to see if you can change the pattern.

 

[prescottchels]

Since not getting dressed really isn't an option don't give it to her.
Have the clothes picked out ahead of time and when you say it's time to get dressed, dress her unless she says she wants to do it herself and then let her. Just cuz she's capable, doesn't mean she's ready to do it all the time. If she's stalling then give her the option that you'll do it for her if she hasn't done it by the time you return from having brushed your teeth or loading the dishwasher or whatever quick task you can do to give her time to do it. If you come back and she's playing or has the shirt half on. You can say oh I see you need help w/your shirt and then just put it on her and keep going w/the rest of her clothes. She'll let you know when she's ready to do it all herself and it doesn't sound like now is the time.
She may balk about your new directness, since she's not used to it and may even throw a fit. If it escalates give her time to calm down and tell her, ya know neither one of us was happy the way we were getting dressed before so we're gonna try it a new way-I'm going to put your clothes on you now-you let me know if you want to do it yourself and I'll let ya. Remember to be consistent w/it.
I don't view putting clothes on a child as a violation of them/their body/their space. It's a health and safety issue especially if you live somewhere that's super cold right now. You're the mama, you have the right to put clothes on your child whether they like it or not, and of course as other posters have said there are ways to be more playful with it.
Good Luck!

 

[tjlucca]

Much Thanks for all of your ideas. i will definitely check out Playful Parenting. I have started to dress her when she won't do it. Not with anger. Just with "this is the way it is" energy. She is much more willing to do it "by self" now that she understands it will get done either way. Even when she doesn't, the cloths still get put on and then we move on. Because I am home alone with her, it's hard to gage my own perception sometimes. I am inside of any given circumstance. As such, I have a hard time telling when I am "way out in left field". Thanks Again.

 

[dawncayden]

I realize I do minimal choices and I don't ask a question that may get a 'no'.

Me- 'I've brought your clothes to get dressed. You can choose between these two pants and these two shirts.'

If ds chooses, then great, if he doesn't I tell him I will choose.

Me- 'Pants first or shirt first'

Again if ds chooses then great if not I tell him I will choose.

Usually he wants whatever is opposite then I choose. So if I say pants first he says 'no - shirt'. So either way, he gets one of them on

 

[pandora665]

What about putting on pajamas that are warmer/acceptable to leave the house in? Anytime I know that we need to leave the house early, I put her to bed in clothes that we could leave in. We peel back the blanket, so she doesn't overheat. Then it only leaves shoes and a coat before we can go. (Still a mini struggle, but better) Then, if she wants to change into a different outfit in the morning, she can - but it's truly her choice.

Then again, we don't wear a million layers unless we're specifically playing outside or it's subzero. Longsleeved dress, pants, socks, shoes, and coat. That might work on days where you're not going to spend extended amounts of time outside. We're from Wisconsin, where it's a little warmer than MN, but not much!

Good luck!

 

[prescottchels]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tjlucca Much Thanks for all of your ideas. i will definitely check out Playful Parenting. I have started to dress her when she won't do it. Not with anger. Just with "this is the way it is" energy. She is much more willing to do it "by self" now that she understands it will get done either way. Even when she doesn't, the cloths still get put on and then we move on. Because I am home alone with her, it's hard to gage my own perception sometimes. I am inside of any given circumstance. As such, I have a hard time telling when I am "way out in left field". Thanks Again.

So glad to hear you're having success! Hurray!!

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[teeny_bean]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tjlucca Much Thanks for all of your ideas. i will definitely check out Playful Parenting. I have started to dress her when she won't do it. Not with anger. Just with "this is the way it is" energy. She is much more willing to do it "by self" now that she understands it will get done either way. Even when she doesn't, the cloths still get put on and then we move on.

That's great news!

Mine isn't three yet (he'll be two in a few months), but his favorite word is NO. Even when I give him a choice, usually the first answer is NO, while he thinks about it. When it comes to getting dressed, I find it's better to ask him something like, "Do you want to dress yourself, or do you want me to dress you? If you don't decide by X time, then I will dress you." Either way, he's getting dressed.

My son is very sensitive to transitions between things/activities/states of being, so it's more about informing him that something is going to happen, giving him a timeframe to choose what he wants, then making it happen in that timeframe. He's still not always happy about it, of course!

I don't know if that would apply to your daughter at all, but it works okay for us right now.

 

[azmomtoone]

WHat's she wearing to bed? Could she wear sweatpants and a tee-shirt to bed (long sleeve if it's cold enough in the house), and then just add a sweatshirt or jacket when it's time to go in the morning? ........at that age, I think she could stay in the same clothes for a couple days unless she spilled something on herself or played in the mud or some such that she got really dirty......just put a new pair of sweats and tee-shirt on her after her bath however often you do it. Works well enough around here.

Of course it's not sooo cold here, but I think that it'd work just as well further north....

 

[JamesMama]

I agree, what is she wearing to bed?

My DS goes through phases like this, he typically wears one piece zip up jammies (the footise kind) and if he's really being a butt about it I put his coat on, put his shoes (boots) on over his pj's and off we go. I take clothes with on the off chance he gets cold but even when running errands we're not outside for super long so he's not going to freeze to death in 2 minutes from the van to the grocery store, kwim?

Sure I get some looks, but eh. Not worth the battle 98% of the time. He wore flannel pj's to the grocery store in August once.

ETA- I'm in Iowa so I feel your pain on the cold weather thing