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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
After spending a week of studying as late as I could every night, I wrote my last final yesterday. It was BRUTAL! The only good thing is that with my papers and quizzes, I should still be able to pull off an A.<br><br>
Then, I met with the ex, who was watching the kids while I wrote the exam and he informs me that he's lost his house, leaving for a few weeks, coming back and moving into a new house. I asked him if he told the kids he was moving and he said, "No. They're too young to understand." Yea, right. A 7 year old and a 3.5 year old don't understand moving?!?!?" WHATEVER!<br><br>
Then he proceeds to tell me he's financially wrecked (all of which is my fault, of course, because he's completely unaccountable and always blames someone) and that I should expect that I should be prepared that one day my cheque from him may bounce!<br><br>
The worst part is I still get sucked into his sad stories and I feel so bad for him. It takes every bit of energy in body to stop myself from saying I'll let him pay less for the kids or give him back some of the money that I'm getting in our settlement. I feel for the guy, and yet, he continues to overextend himself and that's NOT my problem and it's NOT his kids problem and if he does overspend, he should have to pay his kids FIRST anyway. He's gone on fancy trips, bought all new furniture, bought a brand new motorcycle, bought a brand new house and yet I feel bad for him that it's all crashing down??????? Am I insane???<br><br>
Anyway, I'm glad I just listened to his story and didn't offer to help him and ultimately, I'm happy that I'm taking classes to get this degree so I can become completely independent of him and be able to use the child support as investments for the kids. Life goes on.<br><br>
Thanks for letting me vent.
 

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I feel for you. I had the same kind of weird relationship with my X. On the one hand I felt bad for him that life wasn't what he had planned (you also start to feel at least partly responsible for that) and on the other hand I knew it was only his choices that had led him to where he was. He used to moan at me about how child support was going to cost him his house and that he'd have move into an...apartment (gasp!).<br>
I actually applied for a child care subisdy so that he wouldn't have to pay as much daycare. Nevermind that he makes double my own salary, and would never qualify for subisdy himself!<br>
It does take a lot of energy to just listen, nod, and allow them to vent. You would not be helping him by offering relief; merely enabling. You are being so strong!<br>
Also, what's up with him taking off and not talking to your children about it?!! Does he usually leave the hard stuff up to you? My X's motto seems to be "if it's not convenient; it's not for me" This also seems to fit your X.<br>
Hang in there. You make all the difference to your children!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>jakesmama</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My X's motto seems to be "if it's not convenient; it's not for me"</div>
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Hey! I have one of those too!<br><br>
Sorry LJ, about the dirtdog moving away from the kids, without having the cahones to talk to them about it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: you're doing all the right things. No sense doing anything other than smiling and nodding <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lips.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lips">
 

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Sounds just like my ex too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/disappointed.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="disappointed"><br><br>
You are a very strong mother for your children and strong not to help "fix" your ex's mess. Such an important pattern to break. I actually feel that my older son is being rude and beligerent to me because he sees me take up so much of his dad's slack and therefore loses a little respect for me. Writing this now is the first time I have really consiously thought this but I've been feeling it for a while. For our children's sake, they need to see us devote our energies towards ourselves and, in turn, them so they learn how to do it right!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mamajama</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I actually feel that my older son is being rude and beligerent to me because he sees me take up so much of his dad's slack and therefore loses a little respect for me. Writing this now is the first time I have really consiously thought this but I've been feeling it for a while. For our children's sake, they need to see us devote our energies towards ourselves and, in turn, them so they learn how to do it right!</div>
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That's such great insight. Thanks.
 
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