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Hi! I have been lurking here for a long time, but now I have a question about nursing on demand. First of all, sorry about the grammar<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy"> , I'm not a native English speaker.<br>
I'm hoping to continue my nursing relationship with dd2 for as long as she wants. So far I've nursed on demand (she's 22 months old). But right now we're really struggling! She will sit down at dinner with the rest of the family, eat two bites and ask to nurse. She nurses for two seconds, stops, gets down and refuses to eat <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: When we're done, she goes to the kitchen and helps her self to a banana or a slice of bread. I would really like it, if she would just eat her dinner and then nurse. So I have tried to teach her not to aks to nurse in the middle of a meal. If she asks, I tell her "no, not right now. as soon as we're finished eating". But I've never put any restrictions on nursing before, so she's NOT taking it very well. She throws a tantrum every time <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">: Yersterday she was skreaming her head off for 20 minutes. I just gently tried to comfort her, but I didn't take her out of the high chair, because I knew, that if i held her, she would want to nurse even more. Finally she gave in, ate a bit of corn and a bite of chicken and then <i>I</i> gave in and nursed her.<br>
I guess I just wanted to know if anybody else has seen this kind of behavior in their nursing toddlers? i know it's perfectly normal for toddlers to throw tantrums, when they hear the word "no"<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> But normally nursing is the cure, when dd throws one, so I really don't know what to do<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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Yes, my son would throw a HUGE fit when I told him no about anything and if it was about nursing, oh boy!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yikes">: It really is just a toddler thing, she is just testing, testing and testing to see what she can and cant do.<br>
If you dont want to nurse during dinner stick to that rule, break it once and it will be a battle. I have never made our son stay at the dinner table and he will be 5 in August, but that is just a personal choice. If you want her to, maybe post on childhood board here they may have ideas. My son is far too busy to sit and eat. Hope that helps somewhat!
 

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For me this would be about my not wanting to interrupt dinner to nurse. If you feel she's able to wait 20 minutes to nurse, then she probably is. If ds asked to nurse during dinner, I would (personally) tell him he could nurse as soon as I was done. Obviously, I'm talking about a 2 year-old and not a little baby. Asking her to wait might make her angry. Sometimes when ds cries, I can tell he's just having a temper tantrum. Other times, I can sense that he's communicating a real need. I'm sure you can tell the difference in your own child, so trust your instincts.<br><br>
As far as her preferring nursing over eating, I think I would probably let her be the judge of that. If you are doing CLW, then I wouldn't worry that she's not eating enough solids. (A banana or a slice of bread is plenty for a toddler meal, if that's all they want.)
 

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Just had one of "those" dinners -- I have to repeat myself quite a bit, "we can nurse after you finish eating," and/or "we can nurse after I finish eating."<br><br>
If it's one of those we've-pushed-her-too-late-she's-barely-behaving-well-without-a-straw-left, I'll sometimes let her nurse for a bit, but we're very casual at dinner. She does well with boundaries even if we flex them sometimes.<br><br>
That is, I have found it's important for me to be willing to listen to her "argument" and "change my mind" a LOT -- sticking to my "rule" for the sake of keeping the rule strong doesn't work for our parenting. She knows when I REALLY mean something. In fact, I have a phrase I use very sparingly, "I'm not going to change my mind about this."<br><br>
Anyway, she's almost four and has mostly passed through the huge "I'm testing to see how you'll react." NOT saying she's not always testing, I think that's her job. But, I remember 2 and 3 being really pretty brutal with her wanting to nurse at times when I didn't. I spent a lot of time discussing it, changing my mind, and/or having a pretty unhappy kiddo.<br><br>
Keeping the changing my mind an option, though, helped make the other struggling times less about struggle and more about learning other ways to connect. An example is that sometimes I'll let her sit on my lap during dinner, even though that's not my ideal way to dine. :)<br><br>
--Heather
 

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Your daughter is just around the 2 year old mark, when a lot of kids tend to nurse a lot - just when you think nursing ought to slow down! I think it's a developmental phase or something, and especially if you have a "high need" child, they need to nurse even more. I think it was around age 2 when I started to divert my son a little from nursing all the time. Rather than using the word "no", I would redirect and use a positive. For example, at dinner when she asks to nurse, she needs to eat dinner first and then you can nurse later. It will be a slow transition; don't expect instant results. If my son created a big enough fuss, then I knew he <span style="text-decoration:underline;">really</span> needed it, and I would nurse him. It's okay to be flexible! The world is not black and white, and parenting shouldn't be either.
 

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First- I think she's probably too old for the high chair- I expect the feeling restrained there is part of the problem.<br><br>
Next- it's a stage. I just played each time by ear. If dd was okay with not nursing I tried to avoid it. If she got really worked up it just wasn't worth it. I can eat and nurse a happy kid easier than I can listen to one scream some days, ya know?<br><br>
-Angela
 

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My DD rejected the high chair a couple of months ago (she's 21 months), by screaming and throwing food when put in there, so we moved her to a booster that she can climb in and out of herself, and we are much happier. She sometimes will sit and eat quite a bit (when really hungry), other times will take a couple of bites and is "done". I have found that if we want her to stay at the table a bit more, sometimes it works to have her sit on one of our laps to eat. My rule for her is that she can get down when "done", but if she wants to eat more, she needs to come back to the table and eat in the kitchen (no carrying food around the house...too messy for me!). I will leave her food out for a bit, but after awhile I put it away till the next meal/snack. As far as wanting to nurse during meals, maybe have daddy offer to hold her on his lap for a bit so you can finish your meal first?
 

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My (26-mo) son will sometimes ask to nurse during dinner, but I've found that my objection isn't so much to him nursing but more to having to interrupt my dinner. I tell him that I'll be happy to nurse when I'm done eating. If he wants to get down and wait for me to be done, that's fine, but I'm not nursing until I enjoy my dinner. He takes it pretty well when phrased this way most of the time. Sometimes he gets down to play, most of the time he'll keep us company. If I flat-out tell him "no", he'll throw a fit more often than not. I think with an explaination he understands (somewhat) my reasoning, and respects it to some degree.
 

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My dd is two and she comes to work with me at an office. A few months ago I decided that it would be better for my sanity to end nursing at work. Since then I have been much happier. It took a couple of weeks but I just talked to dd about it a lot, saying before work that we weren't going to nurse at work anymore. I have found with my dd that talking to her about things in advance and in retrospect helps her process things and feel less out of control. She was mad about not nursing at work for a few days but then she understood and has had no problem. She is starting the tantrum if she doesn't have what she wants stage and I have found that just talking to her about better ways to express her desire and frustration have made days easier. Have you tried talking to your dd before dinner starts and saying "we're not going to nurse until I am finished eating but we can nurse after dinner in the living room" or something to that effect? Then after the post-dinner nurse you can reinforce by talking about how she got to nurse after dinner but not during dinner so mommy could eat.
 

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My son, who will be 2 this Sun. goes back and forth from his booster chair to me to nurse during dinner. I don't really mind it, I have long since learned to eat and nurse at the same time. I think if I said no to him, or tried to make him wait, it def would just make him freak.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>alegna</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8309562"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">First- I think she's probably too old for the high chair- I expect the feeling restrained there is part of the problem.<br><br>
Next- it's a stage. I just played each time by ear. If dd was okay with not nursing I tried to avoid it. If she got really worked up it just wasn't worth it. I can eat and nurse a happy kid easier than I can listen to one scream some days, ya know?<br><br>
-Angela</div>
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big fat ditto to that! I'm convinced the only way we've made it this far is by taking the route of least resistance. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> They do start eating more and even eating whole meals without needing to nurse. It does happen. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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When my DS was 17 months he started wanting to nurse constantly during meals. I was frustrated because it was hard for me to enjoy my food with him latching on and off and on and off the whole time so when he turned 18 months I told him that he was a big boy and could wait until after dinner to nurse. We talked about for several days before hand and made a ritual of sitting on the couch to nurse right before dinner and then again right after so he knew he still got to nurse as much as he wanted. There were one or two days in the beginning where he got really frustrated. My husband held him and I ate fast. Now if I get the sense that he really needs to nurse now rather than later we leave the kitchen and sit on the couch so I can meet his needs. I want to keep nursing separate from meals so he doesn't go back to nursing constantly during meals. It has worked well for us and I must say I enjoy my meals more and he seems a bit calmer during meals as well.
 
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