[pixiekisses]

Ok, I've read it a couple of times now, so I have to ask.
When you take on kids to foster, that you can't adopt, do you think that you are only going to have them until they are 18? Then what? Kick them out?
I've read some people say that fostering ends at 18.

I wouldn't dream of kicking our foster kids out just because they have a birthday, they will stay here until they are ready to move out, that be 18, 20 or 25. They are our kids, equal to our bio. kids, and we love them to pieces. I'm just hoping we get to keep them for that long.

(And please know, I'm not trying to be "mean" to anyone, I'm just very curious about how you think about this issue since I've seen it. It has never crossed my mind until I read it here, that some foster parents might think like that. Never heard anyone say it, and I know some foster parents by now.)

 

[moondiapers]

Once they are 18 and have graduated from highschool they are supposed to support themselves (as far as SS is concerned). That's the way many families do it as well. That doesn't mean that you have to kick them out or anything, just that you won't be getting childsupport any longer.

 

[Polliwog]

I don't think people mean that they'd kick the kids to the curb. We were discussing what age SOCIAL SERVICES end their involvement (social worker visits, judge involvement, subsidy ending, etc.)

 

[queenjane]

Alot also depends on what the child wants to do...some go to college, others move out and get their own place, some go back to bio family, some end up homeless, and some choose to stay in the foster home if the FP allows it.

In most places there is a program called Independant Living that is supposed to get an older teen ready to be on their own, for those teens in foster care who choose not to be adopted, or who arent yet adopted.

From what i've seen in my online groups, many foster parents do maintain a relationship with their grown foster children...but the goal is for them to get out and on their own, with the ability to support themselves and eventually their own children...not to live with you forever, yknow?

And sadly, for many foster children, the reality is that they ARE turned out onto the street at 18. While i dont know that i could do that, there may be some very good reasons why a FP may ask a FC to leave at 18, whether its because they cant afford to support them without the stipend and other services provided by DHS, or because the child no longer feels they have to follow the rules because they arent a court ward, or whatever.

The sad reality is that most kids who age out of the system end up in prison, on the streets, addicted, repeating the cycle, etc.

Katherine

 

[tiffani]

just out of curiosity, what college/university funding is provided by the gov. for kids in the foster care system? I'm assuming it might vary by state, or is there a federal program to provide no/low-cost education for foster kids?

 

[Polliwog]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tiffani just out of curiosity, what college/university funding is provided by the gov. for kids in the foster care system? I'm assuming it might vary by state, or is there a federal program to provide no/low-cost education for foster kids?

It does vary by state. Some states provide free in state tuition for all children who've been in foster care. Other's only do it for children who were in foster care over a certain age (like 13 or 16.) Mine's one of the latter type, unfortunately. There is a non-profit that provides scholarships, though.

 

[Theoretica]

I was in foster care from age 12 to adulthood, and most of my foster parents COULDN'T keep a FK past 18 because of licensing issues w/getting more kids. I know because I asked over and over what would happen to me/us once we aged out. I ended up emancipating early, but most FKs I know either went to college dorms or got apartments.

The states make it difficult for FKs to matter to anyone. Sucks.

 

[queenjane]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Theoretica I was in foster care from age 12 to adulthood, and most of my foster parents COULDN'T keep a FK past 18 because of licensing issues w/getting more kids. I know because I asked over and over what would happen to me/us once we aged out. I ended up emancipating early, but most FKs I know either went to college dorms or got apartments. The states make it difficult for FKs to matter to anyone. Sucks.

That's true...any adults living in your home would count toward bd space, so you might not be able to take any more FC...plus, FC can't share a room w/ a non-parent adult, generally. And the ex-FC would need to have a background check done, etc for you to maintain your license.

Katherine

 

[pixiekisses]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethNC I don't think people mean that they'd kick the kids to the curb. We were discussing what age SOCIAL SERVICES end their involvement (social worker visits, judge involvement, subsidy ending, etc.)

I didn't think of that, thanks for the input.

Quote:

Originally Posted by queenjane Alot also depends on what the child wants to do...some go to college, others move out and get their own place, some go back to bio family, some end up homeless, and some choose to stay in the foster home if the FP allows it.

Of course, I'm not talking about those who actually want to leave. Some kids leave home earlier than 18 too. But those that want to stay.
It's the homeless part that bugs me. And I don't see how anyone could kick the kids out, to us they are equal to our bio. kids and we love them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by queenjane From what i've seen in my online groups, many foster parents do maintain a relationship with their grown foster children...but the goal is for them to get out and on their own, with the ability to support themselves and eventually their own children...not to live with you forever, yknow?

The goal is like with any kid, isn't it? I want all my kids to get out and be independant, when they are ready and can do it. There's no age. And by 18 they will probably all be in school still.

Quote:

Originally Posted by queenjane And sadly, for many foster children, the reality is that they ARE turned out onto the street at 18. While i dont know that i could do that, there may be some very good reasons why a FP may ask a FC to leave at 18, whether its because they cant afford to support them without the stipend and other services provided by DHS, or because the child no longer feels they have to follow the rules because they arent a court ward, or whatever. The sad reality is that most kids who age out of the system end up in prison, on the streets, addicted, repeating the cycle, etc. Katherine

Yeah, and this is the very sad part. It breaks my heart.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Theoretica I was in foster care from age 12 to adulthood, and most of my foster parents COULDN'T keep a FK past 18 because of licensing issues w/getting more kids. I know because I asked over and over what would happen to me/us once we aged out. I ended up emancipating early, but most FKs I know either went to college dorms or got apartments. The states make it difficult for FKs to matter to anyone. Sucks.

I was in foster care from age 11, and my fosterparents are still my parents and grandparents to my kids and my fosterkids, and we see each other all the time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tiffani just out of curiosity, what college/university funding is provided by the gov. for kids in the foster care system? I'm assuming it might vary by state, or is there a federal program to provide no/low-cost education for foster kids?

Where I live, college and uni. are free, the public ones. You only pay for books.

Quote:

Originally Posted by queenjane (..) FC can't share a room w/ a non-parent adult, generally.

What? What do you mean by this?

 

[onelilguysmommy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pixiekisses What? What do you mean by this?

new kids coming in really cant be sharing with another adult living in the house, so you would have less room for more is what i think she was talking about.

 

[pixiekisses]

Quote:

Originally Posted by onelilguysmommy new kids coming in really cant be sharing with another adult living in the house, so you would have less room for more is what i think she was talking about.

Are you kidding? You can't co-sleep with your foster kids?
We can do that here.
They can share room (or even co-sleep) with siblings as well.

 

[Polliwog]

Once children (foster or bio) turn 18, they are legal adults. So, in some places they would no longer be able to share a room with an under-18 foster child.

 

[THANKFULFORFIVE]

Our grown FD stayed with us until she was 23. She attended a State University which was paid for, and then went on to Nursing School and got her RN. IL will pay for up to 6 years of College for FC. I joke with my bio-kids that I'm gonna kick them all out at 17 so they can have free college tuition!!! We did some Independence goals and slowly weaned her to live on her own. She has a 9 year old daughter that we cared for, or she probably would have moved out sooner. At almost 26, she now owns her own home and works at a VA Hospital that she loves! ----One of the few true success stories for older teens who come into care!!!

In reguards to co-sleeping with FC...that's a "no-no" in IL. Sibs can co-sleep, but, technically, they are not allowed to bed-share. We had to have a bed for each child. Although our teen did bed-share with her daughter because the child was not a ward of the state, she was in her mom's custody.

 

[Theoretica]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pixiekisses I was in foster care from age 11, and my fosterparents are still my parents and grandparents to my kids and my fosterkids, and we see each other all the time.

What a treasure to have found a forever family, I'm glad for you that was your experience. It wasn't mine. And it wasn't the experience of the kids in the system with me. I still have a little contact with ONE set of foster parents who live several states away now. But just contact. Nothing extensive and I'm certainly not 'family' to them. DH was a FK also and has the same level of contact with his FPs. My FPs that I lived with when I emancipated don't keep in touch. It was made very clear to me that once the paycheck stopped we had to move on. We had to buy everything with our own money (toiletries, clothes, school supplies, etc) and could only use 'certain' towels so our status was clear from day one. I have a few friends who also aged out and it was the same for them too.

It's great to read on MDC how FPs here see their FKs as their own kids. But I can assure you that isn't the way it goes most of the time. I think for the younger kids it's easier to feel that way towards them, they are cute. I remember feeling so sad because everyone wanted the littles...never the tweens/teens...or maybe just never me.

The system makes it virtually impossible for teens to have a support system in place during the MOST critical time for them...transitioning to adulthood! Doesn't make sense.

Pretty easy to explain how I adopted two high needs 'hard to place' older kids.

 

[pixiekisses]

Quote:

Originally Posted by THANKFULFORFIVE Our grown FD stayed with us until she was 23. She attended a State University which was paid for, and then went on to Nursing School and got her RN. IL will pay for up to 6 years of College for FC. I joke with my bio-kids that I'm gonna kick them all out at 17 so they can have free college tuition!!! We did some Independence goals and slowly weaned her to live on her own. She has a 9 year old daughter that we cared for, or she probably would have moved out sooner. At almost 26, she now owns her own home and works at a VA Hospital that she loves! ----One of the few true success stories for older teens who come into care!!! In reguards to co-sleeping with FC...that's a "no-no" in IL. Sibs can co-sleep, but, technically, they are not allowed to bed-share. We had to have a bed for each child. Although our teen did bed-share with her daughter because the child was not a ward of the state, she was in her mom's custody.

That's great to hear re. your FD.
But, I'm wondering why it's such a "no-no" for FK's to sleep with other siblings? I mean, they can until their 18th birthday, and then it changes overnight, that's not logic, is it? Why is that not allowed there?
But they can then co-sleep with their FP?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Theoretica What a treasure to have found a forever family, I'm glad for you that was your experience. It wasn't mine. And it wasn't the experience of the kids in the system with me. I still have a little contact with ONE set of foster parents who live several states away now. But just contact. Nothing extensive and I'm certainly not 'family' to them. DH was a FK also and has the same level of contact with his FPs. My FPs that I lived with when I emancipated don't keep in touch. It was made very clear to me that once the paycheck stopped we had to move on. We had to buy everything with our own money (toiletries, clothes, school supplies, etc) and could only use 'certain' towels so our status was clear from day one. I have a few friends who also aged out and it was the same for them too. It's great to read on MDC how FPs here see their FKs as their own kids. But I can assure you that isn't the way it goes most of the time. I think for the younger kids it's easier to feel that way towards them, they are cute. I remember feeling so sad because everyone wanted the littles...never the tweens/teens...or maybe just never me. The system makes it virtually impossible for teens to have a support system in place during the MOST critical time for them...transitioning to adulthood! Doesn't make sense. Pretty easy to explain how I adopted two high needs 'hard to place' older kids.

I'm wondering if it's differences between cultures and countrys here. I know a lot of foster familys here, and I also know people who have been in foster care. And as I said earlier, I've never heard anyone here with FC saying that it's until they are 18 only. They truly look at their FC's as their kids, equal to bio. kids. And those that have been in care say that their FP are, and will always be their parents, they have good relationships.
I didn't know they, and me obv., where lucky because of that. I thought that was how it is. That that was the "normal".
And it makes me think that someone only does it for the money then, and that is so, so sad.

We also take on the FC's that are hard to place, we've never had any w/o special needs (except siblings where one has SN), and we don't care about age either.

 

[THANKFULFORFIVE]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Theoretica What a treasure to have found a forever family, I'm glad for you that was your experience. It wasn't mine. And it wasn't the experience of the kids in the system with me. I still have a little contact with ONE set of foster parents who live several states away now. But just contact. Nothing extensive and I'm certainly not 'family' to them. DH was a FK also and has the same level of contact with his FPs. My FPs that I lived with when I emancipated don't keep in touch. It was made very clear to me that once the paycheck stopped we had to move on. We had to buy everything with our own money (toiletries, clothes, school supplies, etc) and could only use 'certain' towels so our status was clear from day one. I have a few friends who also aged out and it was the same for them too. It's great to read on MDC how FPs here see their FKs as their own kids. But I can assure you that isn't the way it goes most of the time. I think for the younger kids it's easier to feel that way towards them, they are cute. I remember feeling so sad because everyone wanted the littles...never the tweens/teens...or maybe just never me. The system makes it virtually impossible for teens to have a support system in place during the MOST critical time for them...transitioning to adulthood! Doesn't make sense. Pretty easy to explain how I adopted two high needs 'hard to place' older kids.

Your post made me sad

i truly could never understand how someone would take a child into their lives for a paycheck. I was so disenchanted with the system after seeing such things, and like you, I think that's why we chose the older kids....no one else wanted them. I just couldn't understand that---still can't. Soooo many people would ask us why we would want to take FC when we had 4 children of our own? I'm still puzzled by that. So few people can understand what your life must have been like....but I see that your struggles have perpetuated a legacy of compassion....I hope to instill that in my own children to pass on as well. If we see it and live it----we learn it! Right?

 

[THANKFULFORFIVE]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pixiekisses That's great to hear re. your FD. But, I'm wondering why it's such a "no-no" for FK's to sleep with other siblings? I mean, they can until their 18th birthday, and then it changes overnight, that's not logic, is it? Why is that not allowed there? But they can then co-sleep with their FP?

Nope, NOT allowed to co-sleep with FP. They CAN share a room with siblings, just not a bed----at any age. (I believe they do make some exceptions for special circumstances) But we must furnish a bed for EACH child.

 

[queenjane]

Quote:

Originally Posted by THANKFULFORFIVE Nope, NOT allowed to co-sleep with FP. They CAN share a room with siblings, just not a bed----at any age. (I believe they do make some exceptions for special circumstances) But we must furnish a bed for EACH child.

Thats not what i meant, exactly. What i meant was, that in my state, while a foster parent CAN share a room with a foster child (under 3....that age varies from state to state, and a few dont allow it at all)....a foster child generally *cannot* share a room with an adult who is NOT the foster parent, unless that adult is a sibling (so if you have a 10 yr old sharing a room with his 17 yr old brother, and the brother turns 18, thats fine, but the same 10 yr old cannot share a room with the adult uncle sharing the home)....i do not know if a former foster child who turns 18 but is still living in your home would qualify as a "sibling" or not...technically/legally they would NOT be, but i dont know if the agency would make an exception.

Katherine

 

[queenjane]

Oh, and i my state foster siblings CAN share a double bed, at the discretion of the FP and worker...i forget the exact wording of the regulation.

Katherine

 

[queenjane]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pixiekisses Of course, I'm not talking about those who actually want to leave. Some kids leave home earlier than 18 too. But those that want to stay. It's the homeless part that bugs me. And I don't see how anyone could kick the kids out, to us they are equal to our bio. kids and we love them.

Lots of foster parents DO let kids stay past 18. You say they are "equal to our bio kids"...lots of parents kick their bio kids out at 18 (or when they graduate HS)...it often doesnt have anything to do with "love", sometimes parents think it teaches responsibility, i dont necessarily agree, but it doesnt mean the parent doesnt love the child.

Do you have teen foster children now? Or have you raised teen foster children to 18 and beyond?

Quote:

The goal is like with any kid, isn't it? I want all my kids to get out and be independant, when they are ready and can do it. There's no age. And by 18 they will probably all be in school still.

Well, if they are still in school (high school), its my understanding they can still stay in foster care. And in many places, teens who go on to full time college or vocational school can also receive benefits. And if the child is a foster child when they graduate, in many states they qualify for free college. Plus, given the fact that they dont have any assets/income...a foster child most likely would qualify for tons of financial aid/scholarships to attend school.

Quote:

I was in foster care from age 11, and my fosterparents are still my parents and grandparents to my kids and my fosterkids, and we see each other all the time.

I think alot of FPs still function as family for their grown foster kids. Not all the time of course, but its not rare.

Quote:

Where I live, college and uni. are free, the public ones. You only pay for books.

Wow, thats awesome! Where do you live?!

I'm curious...where you live....is it common for teens to be adopted from foster care? I know I've heard in some places (like Australia) adoption is not common, but rather permanent foster care. In the US teens are considered probably one of the "hardest to place" groups, but there are lots of recruitment programs to get teens adopted into permanent homes, rather than age out of foster care. Some teens choose not to be adopted though (in my state, they have a say if they are 14 or older). And of course there are still far too many teens who leave foster care without being adopted or reunified.

Quote:

What? What do you mean by this?

In my state a foster child cannot share a room with a non-foster parent adult. So if you have a friend or relative living with you, who is 18 or older, they can't "room in" with a foster child, unless they are that foster child's sibling. I dont know if an ex-foster child would qualify as a "foster sibling" since there is no legal relationship to the family. They may instead be considered just a roommate.

Katherine