[isaoma]

I'm posting this question in this forum first because I don't want to get a lot of responses assuming that I'm being a pushy parent or expecting too much out of my child.

Dd 2.5 started Montessori today (3-6 program). We are still torn between a wonderful playschool (that starts in fall) and a Montessori program. Both have their strengths, but that's another post. We are sending her to this Montessori now because they have an opening and they will let us "try" the school out until the end of the school year (mid-May) to help make our choice for the fall.

Dd was so excited to go to school today, when we got there she looked all around, a little overwhelmed, but really interested in the materials. She picked up a tray with two baskets in it -- the directress took it away (told me it was for addition and subtration) and steered her over to practical life and a simple puzzle.

Okay, it's just the first day and I didn't send her to preschool for academic reasons, but what do you think of the directess assuming what my child can or cannot do?

 

[daytripper75]

It's perfectly reasonable. The work that your child selected hadn't been explained yet. It would be akin to her starting drivers ed and asking for the keys to take a spin around the block the same day. She might be perfectly capable but it is better when the lessons are presented carefully first then built upon.
I hope the directress wasn't assuming that your child couldn't do the work, just that your child hadn't been taught to do the work specifically yet.

I hope your dd loves it there! Montessori is like learning a new culture. So many ins and outs!

 

[isaoma]

Okay, that makes sense...thank you

 

[AllyRae]

I personally would keep an eye on it. If it keeps happening that your child is being steered to other works, I'd ask the directess about it. DS's montessori school doesn't direct people away from things--if they are attracted to something it's because they want to experiment and learn it, and so the children are allowed to work with it--if they need assistance, the teachers will show them how the work is done. But DS's school very very rarely ever tells the children what works they can and cannot do (I'm more worried that the child was being directed TO specific activities than I am with her being directed away from things.)

Like I said, keep an eye on it and make sure it wasn't an every day thing..

 

[zeldamomma]

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[Aufilia]

It seems to be fairly standard in Montessori that children in the first year are first shown the practical life works, then the sensory works. While Montessori makes a big deal out of the "work at your own choice" thing it's really a bit more structured than that. However, a good teacher should observe the child as she works and come to an understanding over time of what she can do.

Also, I would not discount the value of the practical life stuff. They are developing skills that are also valuable -- fine motor skills works like using tweasers will help them in writing letters and numbers, for example. Sorting by shape or color or size will strengthen math skills. Once they "complete a work" (ie, finish a puzzle by themselves) the teacher will generally show them a new work, so your DD shouldn't be "stuck" doing simple puzzles for long.

FWIW DD started in Montessori last fall at about 32 months, sped through practical life and sensory, and is now starting math -- she's the youngest in her class and none of the other kids in first year are doing math. She would probably have started sooner but her head teacher was out for 3 months with a back injury.

 

[isaoma]

I just picked up dd from Montessori. I could only briefly talk to the directress because the full-day class was still in session. I asked her how the kids are introduced to the different 'areas' and is there a natural progression of where they start. She said (as Aufilia predicted) that they start in practical life and sensorial and move on from there.

I don't have a problem with that, but what does concern me is dd's personality. She is sweet and gentle, but she is also very headstrong and does not bother doing anything to please anybody. I can see her consistantly walking away from activities that she is bored with, and not necessarily completing them faster or quicker. I know a good teacher will probably pick up on this and I hope the directress is good at her job, although today I have my doubts.

The directress said dd had an "outburst" during circle time -- which suprised me because dd rarely has outbursts even when she is way from me and with her babysitter. Dd wanted to take her shoes off to sit on the round rug they use in circle time. To dd defense, we don't wear shoes at home especially past the entryway (where our rug starts). I think she was confused that they were wearing shoes on a rug. The directress didn't ask dd to put her shoes back on -- at least that's dd's recount of the incident. The directress just told her "no" and forcefully put the shoes on her, which made dd really angry.

I know it's just the first day and both dd and the directress need to get to know eachother. I really hope this school works out.

 

[isaoma]

Today was only her 3rd day and I had to pick her up early. Dd does not like the lead teacher, she told me that straight out. I think it is just a personality clash between them. Dd does like the other teacher (both are certified AMS). The lead teacher is very good from what I've heard, but does have somewhat of a strong east coast personality and more of a disciplinarian that dd is used to.

In general dd id doing fine with the transition from home to preschool. But dd insists on not going back because of the lead teacher "she's not very nice at all".

My question is, do I honor her request and look for another school or make her try again? I do need pt childcare, but right now, I'm just looking for the best fit for dd.

 

[Lingmom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by isaoma Today was only her 3rd day and I had to pick her up early. Dd does not like the lead teacher, she told me that straight out. I think it is just a personality clash between them. Dd does like the other teacher (both are certified AMS). The lead teacher is very good from what I've heard, but does have somewhat of a strong east coast personality and more of a disciplinarian that dd is used to. In general dd id doing fine with the transition from home to preschool. But dd insists on not going back because of the lead teacher "she's not very nice at all". My question is, do I honor her request and look for another school or make her try again? I do need pt childcare, but right now, I'm just looking for the best fit for dd.

I think it depends on your approach to parenting. For my kids and my family, I feel it's important to learn to work with a lot of different people (including ones we don't like) and assuming it's not a problem of safety or downright meanness, I would keep my kids in the same class, at least until an appropriate changing time (like the next school year). The classroom community is bigger than just the teacher and your daughter is working with a lot of different children -- not just the teacher... So I guess, I wouldn't 'honor her request', but I would observe (inconspicuously and quietly) to understand why she was having a hard time in the class. Montessori may be an adjustment and it may not ultimately be a good fit for your family.

 

[snowmom5]

I think 3 days is not enough time to decide to pull her out based on her thinking that the head teacher is not nice. She's more than a little young to let her make the call. If you were to observe and didn't like the dynamic, then you would have an opinion, but I don't think you can rely on the opinion of a 2.5 y.o., after only 3 days, to make a decision on pulling her out.

PP has a great point that the head teacher is only one person, for one thing. For another thing, they really haven't had time to get to know each other yet. How do you know she won't love it in a couple of months, when she really gets to know the teacher and the procedures/schedule.

One possibility is that your child is still learning the ropes of montessori - perhaps she got corrected about something and based on that decided the teacher wasn't nice.

She's SO young, I'd give it WAY more time (a few months at the very least), unless you personally observe something really wrong, or unless you should decide that you'd rather wait on preschool for now. But that would be you deciding, not your very young preschooler.

I think my ds who is 2y10m would probably tell people I'm not nice based on me not letting him have cookies for dinner. He's in a montessori toddler program at the moment and very happy with that. We visited his older sibs' montessori school for three different b-day celebrations recently, and while he was willing to sit on the line (circle time) for the first one, he had raging tantrums during the other two - um, he'll be in one of those classrooms come August

- guess he was having some bad days. But I don't care if he has tantrums for the first two weeks when he starts - I know it's a great school and if he gets the teacher I want I know she's great. I know he'll adjust. One of my other boys, at 3 y.o., spent the first two days in the classroom sitting in a chair with his eyes closed because he was so freaked out. Now he's finishing K and couldn't be happier. His twin brother goes through phases where he has invented all sorts of reasons why he doesn't want to go to school - none had anything to do with the real reason (long story) - and he's six! Can't take a kid's word for things like this without a whole lot more corroboration.

I'd give it way more time. In the meantime, if it would make you feel better, I might speak with the head teacher to see if you can figure out why they're butting heads. (I've got a couple of *very* strong-willed kids myself; I guess I'm "lucky" that they generally save it all up for me.)

 

[isaoma]

I got a call from the principle/owner yesterday, she asked me to come to talk. She told me that she thought dd was on the very high end of the spectrum and was gifted. She said that her children were gifted, taught many gifted children in her 30 years of teaching and knows the demands gifted children place on their parents. She wanted to see me mostly to talk to me as a parent because she knows how hard it can be to raise a child who is very demanding (intellectually and emotionally). I have had strangers, friends and family members comment before about dd abilities, but this is the first time IRL that I was able to talk to someone about dd.

She and the directress it is a good idea to have dd come to Montessori only 2 days/wk, when the class isn't so full. They feel that she is too stimulated by the environment and want her to get more used to the surroundings when there aren't as many children.

I'm not sure if montessori will be the best fit for dd, but at least I know that they really want to work with dd as an individual.

 

[snowmom5]

Wow that's incredibly reassuring - and what a bonus to know that the principal is so understanding about giftedness. I think that bodes *very* well for your future with this school - especially since this person is presumably the boss of the teacher (i.e. if any problems present themselves down the road, you have someone to turn to).

It sounds like a good idea to try the two days per week to see if it helps. She is pretty young for five days. My 2y10m ds only goes two days per week (I'd probably prefer to send him three but that extra day is really expensive plus it's a long drive). In August he'll start at the school with his older sibs for five days per week (3 hrs per day), and I keep thinking about what a transition it will be for him - a mere four months from now.

I'd definitely still give her time to adjust. Before long you may find her looking forward to school. You can always increase the number of days later.

I'd be quite encouraged. Good luck and update us in the future!

 

[MommaSuzi]

My very bright Dd started montessori this fall- the alternative would have been to continue in the toddler room at a daycare for another year and academically/intellectually she was more than ready to start something more. We definitely had some trouble in the fall with adjusting. The directress told us that it's very common with the younger ones because "it's the first time anyone has had expectations of them". I really bristled at that because I felt like I had certainly held expectations of my daughter regarding behavior, etc, and that it must be that their expectations were too high.. She repeatedly told me that her teachers were "mean" and that she didn't like them and didn't want to go back. I came very close to pulling her out, talked to them again about my concerns and they made some adjustments in how they interacted with her- academically she was doing better than lots of the 4 year olds, but she still was only 2.5 so I do think sometimes they would forget how young she really is, and we gave it a bit of time- which I think was the biggest factor. I am so glad now that I didn't pull her out. I love the school. My daughter loves the school- and her teachers.