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Hey everyone. I need some help. DS is going to be two next week. I'm about to just lose it completely with our bfing relationship.<br><br>
In general, we've had a really easy bfing relationship. No problems initially, bfed exclusively for over six months, etc. He doesn't rely on bfing to fall asleep, he actually does sleep through the night even though we primarily cosleep.<br><br>
Unfortunately, I'm disliking bfing for many months now. It comes and goes, some days/weeks are fine. But the last month is just beyond what I can handle.<br><br>
I make very little milk. I think he gets some first in the AM, but the rest of the day, I don't think he's getting much. Lots of fast sucking, little swallowing, etc. I never had a great supply- he took about 4 bottles a week as an infant b/c I work very minimally out of the home, when DH is home. I was barely pumping enough to keep up with him, and started to have to pump in the night just to get enough. So I've never really been gushing with milk. Anyway...the dry nursing is definitely contributing to my feelings. It is just so ICKY. Nice, right, but thats how I feel. I can feel every, single suck very distinctly. It doesn't hurt, but feels just terrible. He's on off on off...and he is obsessed with stroking my other breast and picking at all my moles (which I have several). One mole on my stomach is practically his lovey. No kidding. I try to give him something else to hold onto, I will hold/caress his hand etc. But it just makes him really mad and he's dang persistent about picking at my mole.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br>
We had some limits established in the past, but not anymore. He switches back and forth between sides and I can't get him to stop w/o a tantrum. He literally wants to nurse every 15 minutes. He actually doesn't have a word for it...so he lets me know by pulling down my shirt, throwing himself upside, or otherwise whining/tantrumming. Sometimes he says "bum" which I know means he wants me to sit down so we can nurse. But this is literally almost constantly. He is NOT distracted and attempting to say NO results in a full blown tantrum. He will occasionally accept a substitution, but very rarely (like if I suspect he's actually hungry, I can offer a snack or meal). (I should add his language skills aren't great in general, which is perhaps contributing to this? Lots of words, but doesn't put two words together at all).<br><br>
The tantrums are driving me insane. He is whining all day long. He is constantly pawing at me, trying to pull up/down my shirt, saying "There it is!!" etc. I've tried just giving in to it. Not only does it not seem to help, but I really want to jump out of my skin. I've always had a pretty sensitive sensory system and HATE being groped, stroked, lightly touched, etc. By anyone.<br><br>
I don't even see how steps toward weaning would be possible at this point, as he is constantly freaking out. But I am feeling very very angry and have even yelled at DS to stop crying (believe it or not, that doesn't work). I would not shed one tear or bad feeling if we never nursed again. And I do feel sad that I feel that way.<br><br>
Anyone have any encouraging thoughts? Please? I hate that our bfing relationship is getting this way- it shouldn't be unpleasant for either of us. I want to badly to give him what he needs. But I'm going crazy.
 

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I wish I had words of wisdom for you but I am in the same position except mine wants to nurse all night long too. He'll be 2 April 4. :bighug:
 

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Similar situation here! I'm trying Dr. Jay Gordon's night weaning method. I don't know how to put her down for a nap without nursing.<br>
I'm also very tired of nursing during the day.
 

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I don't remember who said it, but some AP author said, "If you resent it, change it". I don't think weaning altogether is necessarily the answer, but I believe if you resent the nursing, it's not going to do your child any good anyway.<br><br>
When my oldest was 2, I was completely fed up with the night nursing. I was grouchy and tired and impatient all day long from 2 years of not sleeping properly. We picked a time when dh would be home and I slept elsewhere and dh dealt with the nightwakings. Ds was very mad the first night or two and then settled in with Daddy and was fine. It was (literally) like night and day for my moods. I could deal with our days much better and the daytime nursing was so much more pleasurable.<br><br>
Again, when he was almost 3, his daytime nursing was starting to aggravate me. Every time he was just slightly bored, he'd ask to nurse. And I was finding I hated it. So, I made a "rule" (at age 3, I felt he could handle this) that he could nurse only before and after sleeping, so with one nap, and nighttime, that was 4 times daily. And if he asked other times, I'd make a big joke of it, and ask if he wanted a snack and it worked out really well. It turned out he was only asking once or twice other than our "scheduled" times and he outgrew that very quickly.<br><br>
We cut out the nap nursing when he outgrew naps, obviously, and when he weaned entirely a week before his 4th birthday, it was completely his decision.<br><br>
My point (after all that ramble) is that sometimes I think a person needs to change a situation in order to SAVE it. The bits of weaning we did here and there actually SAVED our breastfeeding relationship. If I hadn't done those small steps, I think I would have weaned him altogether at age 2 and it would not have been a pleasant ending for either of us. As we did it, it was beautiful and bittersweet and empowering for my son in the final end.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Your little one sounds just like mine. I have a scab on my belly button...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br>
I have noticed that he goes through times where he nurses like CRAZY and then after a few weeks it settles down. Could be that he is going through a growth or developmental spurt. Also, have you tried offering him warm tea out of a special cup? If it's new and interesting, he may pick that over nursing once and a while. For us, the constant whining and wanting attention has <span style="text-decoration:underline;">always</span> meant something else was going on. Could be an ear infection or something else--I would take him in and get him checked out.<br><br>
One more thing you could try with the picking. Give him a sticker on paper to pick at/off??<br><br>
Good luck and hang in there!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>robynlyn80</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10736959"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">He's on off on off...and he is obsessed with stroking my other breast and picking at all my moles (which I have several). One mole on my stomach is practically his lovey. No kidding. I try to give him something else to hold onto, I will hold/caress his hand etc. But it just makes him really mad and he's dang persistent about picking at my mole.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"></div>
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fwiw, i say don't let him do this. seriously. my dd tried to do a lot of "twiddling" which drove me INSANE...even when she was just a year old. i put an instant stop to it--even if she became angry--because she needed to learn that my feelings/comfort were important, too. she learned very quickly and now, at almost 2 1/2, has very good nursing manners.<br><br>
i feel for you....i had a CONSTANT nurser and i felt like i could never sit down or i would be pawed at to nurse. finally, at about 28 months, she cut down to 3-4 times a day as she became more active and interested in doing other things. we also nightweaned her at age 2 (she can nurse anytime after around 4:30am and now will even go back to sleep afterwards instead of being attached to the boob for the rest of sleep).<br><br>
i am going through bouts of nursing aversion now, myself, but fortunately it is mitigated by her good nursing manners and the fact that she really has slowed down and will only nurse for a minute or two on each side at a time, for the most part. unfortunately, her teeth are ALWAYS in the way now, leaving indentations, which is definitely uncomfortable, but i feel that i can power through it because she doesn't do it on purpose and is so respectful and will tell me "mama, i'm being really careful with my teeth!"<br><br>
hang in there....it is ok if he gets upset with any boundaries you set...he will learn to respect you as a person and his mama. although i'm sure you've tried this, try to give him other comfort. and, especially because he is likely frustrated from trying to put words together, model words to describe how he is feeling, like " i am so sorry you feel [angry, sad, etc.] i know you really want to nurse now, but mama's [insert boob vocabulary here] are very tired....etc. etc. " if he won't accept it and continues to tantrum, it's ok to step away and involve yourself in something else. a lot of times, i found my dd would carry on for a minute or 2 and then, miraculously, there would be this shift in the universe, and she would be smiling and happy and on to something else, just like that.<br><br>
it's hard to see your baby upset or angry, but i think it's ok for them to experience a range of emotions and learn how to deal with them appropriately and how to seek other types of comfort. it's all a learning experience. sorry for rambling and hope any of this helps.
 

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we went through the same thing and i realized that i needed to set some limits for my own sanity. i tried cutting out morning time, but he threw a tantrum when i told him no. then, it finally dawned on me that he doesn't understand morning and afternoon and so when i told him that we could nurse later, he became anxious because he didn't understand what "later" means. one morning, i realized that he does understand day and night, so we talked about it and i told him that we were going to nurse when he first woke up but then not again until the sky is black. i really didn't think this was going to work since he had been nursing so much, but it did and he never cried or acted upset when i reminded him. the first day he asked to nurse and i asked him to see if the sky was black. he ran to the window and then reported that the sky was blue and that was that. he'll still occasionally ask but when he sees that the sky isn't black, he is happy just to snuggle or have a glass of water. i feel 100% better and no longer have that need to wean like i did before.<br>
i hope our story helps you. i know how difficult it can be.
 
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