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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My 9m daughter has taken to pinching, slapping, punching, headbutting, and biting in addition to the hair pulling that's been going on for a while. Every day, I dread her being near me or nursing because I know I'm going to be on the receiving end of some violent impulse of hers. I've tried holding her hand when she hits, punches, etc. She'll just cry and pull her hand out of mine.<br><br>
I've tried removing her from me. She'll just cry to be held and work herself into a screaming fit. I'm ashamed to say I've even stooped to smacking her hand as a way to try to deter her from hitting me. (Not brilliant, I know but I'm a skosh on the desperate side here.)<br><br>
Is this a phase? Do I have to keep telling myself "this too shall pass" or is there something I can do about it?
 

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Yes, it's a phase. My DS was similar and I was also dreading nursing him for a while. Fortunately, it's passing now and we're back to a much better rhythm.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Unfortunately, it's not just during nursing but anytime she's near me. It's like I'm her punching bag and I really despise it. It makes me want to cry or lash out most days.
 

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It is a phase, it will pass with time. Perhaps she is trying to communicate with you and this is how she is trying to do it. Like a pp said, maybe you need a nursing necklace to play with to keep her hands busy or another toy she can play with?!!? I know children can be frustrating, but at this age she isn't going to understand getting her hand slapped. . .it might actually make it worse. Sometimes if my children got pretty bad with the hurting, I would set them down on the floor or hand them over to my DH to help out. My friend's son does this a lot when he has eaten something that is upsetting his stomach (or when she was BFing if she ate something) or if he needed to poo. Please think about it as if she is trying to communicate and not as if she is trying to hurt you.
 

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we went through this, only a little earlier. I just constantly held her hands and said "gentle" over and over and over and over again. And time outs are necessary too, for both of you. also, offering something else, like a stuffy, to play with sometimes helps. We also got her a drum, so she can bang on it all day long.<br><br>
good luck momma! and remember that she's not intentionally hurting you, she's jsut exploring her world in a new way for her, and doesn't understand that this is hurting you. Your baby would never intentionally hurt you.<br><br>
*hugs*
 

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My friend was just freaking out seeing all of the bruises on my arm (I think she thought it might have been from DH as it really looked like finger marks). I explained it was from my dear biting son. Ah well... this too shall pass...
 

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Honestly, it sounds like food allergies to me. Is she nursing exclusively? How is your diet?<br><br>
I have a three-year-old that reacts this way to sugar.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>TattooedMommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11600796"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Honestly, it sounds like food allergies to me. Is she nursing exclusively? How is your diet?<br><br>
I have a three-year-old that reacts this way to sugar.</div>
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Nursing makes up about 98% of her diet. We try solids 2x/day. She will only take them sometimes. So far we've tried bananas, chicken, cheese, sweet potatoes, regular potatoes, carrots, applesauce, refried beans (She loves those), and ham.<br><br>
My diet is kind of hit and miss. There are days I'm ultra hungry and others where I could not eat and be just peachy. I drink a lot of caffeine since it helps me focus (adult ADD, yay. :-/ ) When I do cook for me, I try to cook healthy. I know my diet's not the greatest but it's not the worst either.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>treemom2</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11599409"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">It is a phase, it will pass with time. Perhaps she is trying to communicate with you and this is how she is trying to do it. Like a pp said, maybe you need a nursing necklace to play with to keep her hands busy or another toy she can play with?!!? I know children can be frustrating, but at this age she isn't going to understand getting her hand slapped. . .it might actually make it worse. Sometimes if my children got pretty bad with the hurting, I would set them down on the floor or hand them over to my DH to help out. My friend's son does this a lot when he has eaten something that is upsetting his stomach (or when she was BFing if she ate something) or if he needed to poo. Please think about it as if she is trying to communicate and not as if she is trying to hurt you.</div>
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I try to remember she's not intentionally trying to hurt me (esp. since through some of it, esp. the headbutting, she giggles) however what she's doing is very triggering to me since I am a product of abuse.<br><br>
I'd like to make a nursing necklace since I can't afford to buy one but I don't know where to start. I try to hand her her Grumpy Bear to keep her hands busy but it doesn't work most of the time. The setting her down seems only to make it worse. I'm starting to wonder if I'm just doomed to be her punching bag for however long it takes for her to get over this.
 

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Sounds so familiar. My second baby was exactly the same. I remember when I remove him from certain situation that could endanger him, he would protest with punching, hitting, crying and screaming. Of course he could do that becuase I was holding him. My face was very close to his arms.<br><br>
This is just a phase. It'll pass. Just continue to nurture your baby. I would say that this side of him was a surprise to me because my first son was very gentle in many ways.... and we practice AP and he was never hit. The best thing to do was distracting him with something interesting.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mama_Meme</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11599656"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">we went through this, only a little earlier. I just constantly held her hands and said "gentle" over and over and over and over again. And time outs are necessary too, for both of you. also, offering something else, like a stuffy, to play with sometimes helps. We also got her a drum, so she can bang on it all day long.<br><br>
good luck momma! and remember that she's not intentionally hurting you, she's jsut exploring her world in a new way for her, and doesn't understand that this is hurting you. Your baby would never intentionally hurt you.<br><br>
*hugs*</div>
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We do try to enforce the "gentle" w/her but it's not seeming to get through, at least recently. She was doing really well w/it for a bit and now it's like it all went out the window and she's worse than ever.<br><br>
As I said to a PP, I know she wouldn't hurt me on purpose at the intellectual level but much of what she's doing is triggering for me as my mother abused me as a child and one of her favorite things to do was to pull on my hair.<br><br>
We're working on trying to give her things to bang on, etc but she shuns them in favor of using me as a punching bag.<br><br>
It's simply frustrating and I'm not sure how to deal anymore.
 

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My ds is a bully, and I'm his favorite victim. When he starts with me I hold his hands and say no firmly but not in a mean way and don't smile. He flips a nut because he hates people holding onto his hands but I'll hold them for about ten seconds and say "Do not hit mommy". He seems to get the connection between him beating on me, and his hands being restrained. And it usually only takes once or twice before he decides it's not a game he wants to play anymore.<br><br>
It's not a magical cure though, we still go through this routine several times a day, but it's definitely cut down on the amount of time he spends picking on me in one go.
 
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