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Discussion Starter #1
It hit me last night that my life could be a lot easier.<br><br>
I've had things turned upside down a bit lately as stbx changed his mind on custody. I don't think he's likely to get it, but I've let the worry get me a little crazy.<br><br>
The bottom line is that every day with dd is a gift, my life is good, and it's a privilege to be her mother and provide for her. To have her here half the time would still be riches. Anything else is rehashing stuff between me and her father that's beyond old, and painful to rehash. The only thing left then is the question of what's good for her, or, rather, whether shared custody could be bad for her. And yes, I think his mental illness could do real harm to her over time, even though I would love to think she'd be fine. And that's the main thing.<br><br>
It's a relief, I feel a burden of divorce craziness lifted, and now I can focus on what's important in custody statements.<br><br>
m40
 

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Acceptance certainly does help. For a long time I struggled with the fact that I could not be with DS every day of his life. I was sad that he had to go back and forth between two homes. Then one day I learned to accept that the life we will live is not the life I planned and I will just have to make the best of it. From then on, things got easier.<br><br>
We did however switch from split custody (we had about a 60/40 split) to me being primary. We did the split for a few years and it really did not work out. I've since spoken with many child therapists and a child services rep and each has said that children do better with one primary home and frequent visitation with the non-custodial parent. I agree because in the past 2 months (how long custody has been changed) I've noticed a change in DS.
 

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I agree, Jilian. I know how disorienting it was as an adult to have to keep changing places for business, and imposing that on kids is just an inhumane stressor. However, if the court orders it, I'll do what I can to mitigate it. Fortunately there's no positive bias here towards shared.
 

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I agree. My dd has ADHD. Disorganization is a huge issue with her. It impacts her ability to function on a postive level. When we bounce her from home to home three times a week, and have different expectations of her, it is a recipe for disaster. She has gone from carrying b's for the most part to failing some classes to d's in another. She isn't able to function at this level. I wish I had fought harder about visitation but I was overwhelmed. X gets every other weekend (friday night to Monday school) every Wednesday night, and every other week he has Tuesday night to Thursday morning. I want to see it changed. I think it is alot to ask a kid that doesn't have issues, but I feel the impact of bouncing back and forth to this extreme, especially when parents have no communication, is horrible and I have truly seen a negative impact on behavior as well as academics.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mama40</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7958384"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">It's a relief, I feel a burden of divorce craziness lifted, and now I can focus on what's important in custody statements.<br><br>
m40</div>
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I think this is so important, what a breakthrough. Anything you can do to disengage from the situation emotionally will pay off in so much more peace of mind for you and dd. Acceptance is not something that can be forced, but when you have a lifting like this, it's such a blessing.
 
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