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This is really big so I need some thoughts about whether or not Im seeing things clearly.<br>
I got pregnant 2 months into dating someone new after separating from the father of my 3 daughters, who was just disinterested in being a father and unable to take responsibility for himself, his actions or even any of his emptions. .... After a lot of freaking out on new guys part, he is starting to come to terms with having a child of his own, but in the meantime big differences have come out between us.<br>
The good:<br>
-he is so so amazing with my kids, they love him to death and he has a way closer bond with them then their father ever has. he plays with them, makes time for them, cuddles with them and thinks of really cool things to do with them.<br>
-we have the same goals/visions in life<br>
-when hes in a good mood, he treats me better than anyone else ever has and I feel very fortunate for that at the time.<br>
-when he actually gets motivated, he goes above and beyond.<br>
-he is willing (in theory) to do anything to make things work and to raise my kids as a family unit of our own...<br>
which leads to:<br>
The bad:<br>
-it seems like he is all talk, he says all the right things, talks about his ambitions, claims he is willing to do anyting to make things work, but is practice, rarely do anything of these things materilize.<br>
-It seems lose to impossible for him to self-motivate to do the simplest things like unload the dishwasher.<br>
-Hes absolutely terrible with money and wont financially contribute, even though he insists that he will. I have bought all new baby stuff so far, even though his expendible income far far far exceeds mine.<br>
-He takes money from me and oldest dd w/o asking and when I notice and get upset he says hes 'borrowing' it and didnt want me to get upset and that he was going to replace it before i noticed.<br>
-we fight like children because I cant control my rage at his pathological lying and manipulating details, events and truths to suit his needs.<br>
-he abuses and has a dependency on his precription meds for adhd.<br>
-when he is angry he says the most awful and hurtful things Ive ever heard in my life. In front of my kids.<br>
-he is extremly insecure and it manifests in controling behavior.<br><br><br>
I kicked him out again for the millionth time after my basement flooded and he wouldnt help me clean up enough to call the landlord because he is sick and was burning out from trying to get off his medication (which, to be fair, I asked him to do) I was really upset that I had to clean up sewage when Im also sick and really tired from being pregnant. I really dont understand why he couldnt help for a bit?<br>
Why do I keep letting him return? Because he says all the right things, seems to always have a 'valid' excuse for the behaviour and because it makes me so sad that he cant actually see how messed up he is at all, Im also afriad that Im expecting and demaning too much of him.<br><br>
I understand a young single guy jumping into a life like mine might seem terryfying, but how long should I wait for him to grow up?<br><br>
I am super bitchy and hormonal and irrational when Im pregnant so Im just wondering if I am failing to see things from the others point of view or what Im thinking, is that Im just really stupid and created a 18 year drama-s**t shot for myself.<br>
I am just so scared of having a 4th child, a newborn to care for all by myself and having to birth all alone. No, I dont have any friends, my best and only friend of 6 years just abandonned me a few months ago after I made a bad judgement call on personal boundaries.<br><br>
Any thoughts? My personal judgement obviously cant be trusted.... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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You hit on a LOT of red flags in your post. If he truly is the things that you say, I think you would be better off without him.<br>
I have to run now but I want to write more about this later. In the meantime, you should google narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder.
 

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From reading your post I think you know the answer to this. He has shown you who he is but you keep letting his mouth talk you out of what you see in front of your eyes. The longer you stick around and let him freeload and steal from you and your children the worse off you will be. Leave him and when the baby is born file for child support. I know you want support and help but he is the opposite and will only leach money and energy out of you. Your children need all of that so even though it's painful you need to cut your losses. I would also recommend some counseling and self work before you start dating again. I waited years to date trying to make sure that I wasn't a sitting duck for leaching men.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>ComaWhite</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15416625"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">The good:<br><b>-he is so so amazing with my kids, they love him to death and he has a way closer bond with them then their father ever has. he plays with them, makes time for them, cuddles with them and thinks of really cool things to do with them.<br></b></div>
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if he's so amazing, then how do you think this affects them?<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">-when he is angry he says the most awful and hurtful things Ive ever heard in my life. In front of my kids.</td>
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And if his is true:<br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">-we have the same goals/visions in life</td>
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then how does this fit into your goals and vision?<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">-we fight like children because I cant control my rage at his pathological lying and manipulating details, events and truths to suit his needs.<br>
-he abuses and has a dependency on his precription meds for adhd.</td>
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<br>
None of this matters...<br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">-when hes in a good mood, he treats me better than anyone else ever has and I feel very fortunate for that at the time.<br>
-when he actually gets motivated, he goes above and beyond.</td>
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...because:<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">-it seems like he is all talk, he says all the right things, talks about his ambitions, claims he is willing to do anyting to make things work, but is practice, rarely do anything of these things materilize.<br>
-It seems lose to impossible for him to self-motivate to do the simplest things like unload the dishwasher.<br>
-Hes absolutely terrible with money and wont financially contribute, even though he insists that he will. I have bought all new baby stuff so far, even though his expendible income far far far exceeds mine.</td>
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Um. No. Big kind of no. Overshadow all the good kind of no.<br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">-He takes money from me and oldest dd w/o asking and when I notice and get upset he says hes 'borrowing' it and didnt want me to get upset and that he was going to replace it before i noticed.</td>
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Im also afriad that Im expecting and demaning too much of him.</td>
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It's kind of normal to expect your partner not to mistreat you when he is upset. It's also NORMAL not to be the only one contributing financially when you are raising 3 kids, adding another, and making less than the father of your future baby. It's normal to expect your partner not to abuse drugs, and it is normal to expect that he will NOT borrow money from a child(!!!) behind your back(!!!!!!!!)<br><br>
You have to stop listening to what he says, and start watching what he does. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> This is not the kind of a person you need around your children. I really think you should move on. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s
 

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the bad FAR outweighs the good.<br><br>
he steals from you and your children. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
from personal experience i can PROMISE you that the good does.not.matter. when you are dealing with addiction issues and your children will suffer from growing up with an addict.<br><br>
poppymama had good advice and i would suggest you do the same.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>PoppyMama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15416737"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">From reading your post I think you know the answer to this. He has shown you who he is but you keep letting his mouth talk you out of what you see in front of your eyes.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">
 

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Yep, the bad outweighs the good here.<br><br>
Why would you want to raise a child with a thieving, controlling, drug abusing pathological liar?<br><br>
According to your description, the man has no ambition and has not contributed anything to this pregnancy. His behavior has caused you to throw him out countless times already. Believe me, this guy is not going to magically "grow up" once your baby arrives. Don't wait around for that to happen.<br><br>
You are right that you made a bad judgement call by getting involved with this loser. But that one decision doesn't have to affect the rest of your life and that of your children. It would be great to have a partner to raise this child with. But this guy isn't going to be it. The best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is get far away from him.
 

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Okay, I'm back. You've gotten some good responses but I want to hit on a few things.<br>
First off, your BF shows a lot of signs of not being a good guy. I really think Narcissistic personality disorder is a big concern, or possibly borderline personality disorder.<br>
In the first two months of dating, pretty much anybody can make themselves seem like a great person. The big flaws usually show up a little later than that. If he's already being controlling, verbally abusive, and a freeloader at two months, when he's still on his best behavior to some degree, you are in for one hell of a bad ride if you stay with this guy.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>ComaWhite</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15416625"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">-he is so so amazing with my kids, they love him to death and he has a way closer bond with them then their father ever has. he plays with them, makes time for them, cuddles with them and thinks of really cool things to do with them.<br>
-when hes in a good mood, he treats me better than anyone else ever has and I feel very fortunate for that at the time.<br>
-we have the same goals/visions in life</div>
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Narcissists, and to some degree borderlines, often do this thing I've heard referred to as "love bombing" in the very early stages of a relationship. They make you feel like the most amazing person in the world. They treat you with incredible consideration, flatter you, tell you you're wonderful, blah blah blah. I've been on the receiving end of it, and it is very hard to resist, almost intoxicating. But it's not real. It's like a snake or other predator hypnotizing its prey. They quickly show their true ugly colors. As far as the same goals and visions go, I bet you anything he's faking that. It's easy to pretend like you have the same goals as someone else.<br><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>ComaWhite</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15416625"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">-it seems like he is all talk, he says all the right things, talks about his ambitions, claims he is willing to do anyting to make things work, but is practice, rarely do anything of these things materilize.<br>
-It seems lose to impossible for him to self-motivate to do the simplest things like unload the dishwasher.<br>
Because he says all the right things, seems to always have a 'valid' excuse for the behaviour</div>
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With narcissists, almost more than any other disorder, it's vitally important to not listen to the things they say, and just observe the things they do. They talk really pretty, they know exactly what to say, but if you watch what they do, it's never the same as what they say.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>ComaWhite</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15416625"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">-Hes absolutely terrible with money and wont financially contribute, even though he insists that he will. I have bought all new baby stuff so far, even though his expendible income far far far exceeds mine.<br>
-He takes money from me and oldest dd w/o asking and when I notice and get upset he says hes 'borrowing' it and didnt want me to get upset and that he was going to replace it before i noticed.</div>
</td>
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This is not just freeloading behavior. This is way worse -- it's predatory. He's so clearly using you it's frightening. A normal person would be ashamed to be discovered stealing from a child, he is trying to talk and argue his way out of it. Sick.<br><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>ComaWhite</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15416625"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">-we fight like children because I cant control my rage at his pathological lying and manipulating details, events and truths to suit his needs.<br>
-he abuses and has a dependency on his precription meds for adhd.<br>
-when he is angry he says the most awful and hurtful things Ive ever heard in my life. In front of my kids.<br>
-he is extremly insecure and it manifests in controling behavior.</div>
</td>
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This is only two month in to the relationship? I promise you, as someone who has been there, if you stay a couple of years he will be physically abusing you and likely your kids. I can't stress to you enough that you need to break ties with this guy now, before you get any deeper into it. Has he started trying to isolate you yet? Gaslight you, where he makes you question your own version of reality and feel confused over what is real and true?<br>
You have got to protect your kids from this guy. Please don't put your children through this.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>ComaWhite</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15416625"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Why do I keep letting him return? Because he says all the right things, seems to always have a 'valid' excuse for the behaviour and because it makes me so sad that he cant actually see how messed up he is at all, Im also afriad that Im expecting and demaning too much of him.</div>
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I just want to stress that he will ALWAYS have a good excuse for his bad behavior. He will be very convincing in his words. You can't listen to what he says, you can only observe what he does. I would also suggest counseling for yourself to keep yourself from being a victim or a target for predatory guys.<br><br>
Anyway, I think a useful saying here is "when someone tells you who they are, believe them."
 

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yup. out.<br><br>
you jumped out of one poor relationship (a person who won't take responsibility, be a father, etc etc etc) and into another (he lies, is irresponsible with money, has an addiction issue, and is all talk and no action--eg, won't take responsibility).<br><br>
sucks, but perhaps get child support (if yu want/need it or have him give up parental rights--talk to a family lawyer) and keep him out of your life.
 

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nak<br><br>
I agree w/pp. red flags all over your post. Run, don't walk.
 

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I am sorry to hear about your situation. Unfortunately, it sounds like new guy is not going to be a support for you--only more stress and strain. I agree with the above advice. Do not encourage more bonding between him and your kids and get legal advice about how to obtain child support.
 

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You have gotten really good advice op, I can't even imagine the panic you are probably feeling right now.<br><br>
From what you describe about your partner his behavior goes beyond annoying and unhelpful and into already verbally abusive and could get worse.<br><br>
You are not doing your children any favors by keeping this guy in their lives bc he plays w/them if he is abusive in any way. Your children will grow up to seek out similar relationships and I know you want better for them.<br><br>
Please contact a domestic violence shelter, counseling center, anything so you can have an objective 3rd party to help you get a plan together.<br><br>
You deserve much better, and so do your children.<br><br>
BTW, it is possible to find a wonderful man. My dh is not the bio father of ds1 and ds2 but he is their dad and loves them the same as ds3 (his bio child). When dh asked me to marry him he was all in; financially, emotionally, and everything in between. Neither one of us are perfect but we BOTH put our all into our family and while my dh can say very loving things when things are going great between us, he is still respectful during arguments and his actions always back up his spoken committment to us. Don't waste your life w/someone who is only going to hurt your family. (((HUGS)))
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Juvysen</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15417336"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><br>
I agree w/pp. red flags all over your post. Run, don't walk.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">
 

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Holy cow. The ladies upthread said it all way better than I could. Get the heck away from this guy.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/scared.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="scared">
 

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I would completely agree with Mama Jen's assessment if he wasn't abusing drugs. But all of his behaviors can be atrributed to his addiction. You cannot change an addict. They must want to do it for themselves. RUN from this dude, seriously stealing from you and your kids????
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>*MamaJen*</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15416906"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Narcissists, and to some degree borderlines, often do this thing I've heard referred to as "love bombing" in the very early stages of a relationship. They make you feel like the most amazing person in the world. They treat you with incredible consideration, flatter you, tell you you're wonderful, blah blah blah. I've been on the receiving end of it, and it is very hard to resist, almost intoxicating. But it's not real. It's like a snake or other predator hypnotizing its prey. They quickly show their true ugly colors. As far as the same goals and visions go, I bet you anything he's faking that. It's easy to pretend like you have the same goals as someone else.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br><br>
yep . . . btdt. the longer you're with him, the more you lose - more money, more sanity, more of your kids' well-being, more security, more time and energy. he will never change. this is who he is - the "bad" list. the "good" list are the things he does and says to get what he wants. the more enmeshed your lives become, and the more difficult it is for you to leave, the less he will have to behave.<br><br>
dump him now.
 

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The bad list is really, really bad. And it's only going to get worse. I KNOW that, because with EVERY relationship (even great ones) you're on your best behavior at first.<br><br>
Pathological lying, stealing (and from CHILDREN!!!), addiction, entitlement and lack of support unless he just happens to feel like it. What you have described is not redeemable by even the greatest of points on the "good" list.
 

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Concerning the stealing from you and your child, MamaJen is dead on<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>*MamaJen*</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15416906"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">This is not just freeloading behavior. This is way worse -- it's predatory. He's so clearly using you it's frightening. A normal person would be ashamed to be discovered stealing from a child, he is trying to talk and argue his way out of it. Sick.<br><br>
Anyway, I think a useful saying here is "when someone tells you who they are, believe them."</div>
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When reading about the stealing, it made the hairs on my arms stand up. My FIL would do things to seperate the kids from their money and things they valued. It is predatory and I think it is also controlling. He is taking something your DD values and she is helpless to do anything about it. He is using his position of authority/favorite new step-daddy (sort of) to take advantage of her. This can lead to nothing but trouble. It is abuse and it will escalate. (I think some else already predicted that)<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>tanyam926</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15417533"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">You are not doing your children any favors by keeping this guy in their lives bc he plays w/them if he is abusive in any way. Your children will grow up to seek out similar relationships and I know you want better for them.<br><br>
Please contact a domestic violence shelter, counseling center, anything so you can have an objective 3rd party to help you get a plan together.<br><br>
You deserve much better, and so do your children.<br>
(((HUGS)))</div>
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Absolutely
 

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Oh honey I am so sorry. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
As PP's have said, red flags galore!<br><br>
I know how hard it is to seperate the sweet talk from the ugly actions and it becomes a big jumble in your head that makes it hard to see reality for what it is. I've been there.<br><br>
I also know how terrifying the thought of going through a pregnancy alone is. I'm there, or rather working through it. My STBX, whom I just left a week ago gave all the smoke and mirrors acts that it sounds like your partner is doing too.<br><br>
I wanted to leave badly when I found out I was pregnant and totally flaked out of being scared. Many loving Mamas on here warned me that things could get worse with my abusive STBX while pregnant... and that the stress could start affecting my physical health as well.<br><br>
I wasn't fully ready to listen... until it really hit me, "OMG! They are right!!" And I noticed how badly my health was starting to go downhill and I stated getting really worried what it was doing to the babe I'm carrying. The thought of staying with the emotional roller coaster hell ride I was on with STBX became far more terrifying than going the pregnancy alone.<br><br>
People also told me that support will come up once I started talking... which I also didn't beleive... but it happened. Heck, even the lady who opened my new bank account escaped an abusive relationship and her and I chatted and commiserated for awhile and she gave me her number and told me to never hesitate to call.<br><br>
You will get no judgement from me about when you are ready to leave. We all have our own breaking points that only we can figure out.<br><br>
But, what your partner is doing is NOT NORMAL! And if his words are not meeting his actions... all those good things you listed about him are null and void, as they are the fantasy... not the reality him that you are dealing with, unfortunately.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> The others had great advice about seeking out counseling. A book that helped open my eyes in regards to picking the wrong guys and what it does to us and our children that I highly recommend is "Women Who Love Too Much".<br><br>
Feel free to PM me. When you are ready to leave... YOU CAN DO IT! And you can survive. And you can raise 4 amazing children on your terms without an abusive man around putting you all down.<br><br>
Positive and peaceful vibes to you Mama. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/goodvibes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Goodvibes">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>JSMa</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15418794"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Oh honey I am so sorry. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
As PP's have said, red flags galore!<br><br>
I know how hard it is to seperate the sweet talk from the ugly actions and it becomes a big jumble in your head that makes it hard to see reality for what it is. I've been there.<br><br>
I also know how terrifying the thought of going through a pregnancy alone is. I'm there, or rather working through it. My STBX, whom I just left a week ago gave all the smoke and mirrors acts that it sounds like your partner is doing too.<br><br>
I wanted to leave badly when I found out I was pregnant and totally flaked out of being scared. Many loving Mamas on here warned me that things could get worse with my abusive STBX while pregnant... and that the stress could start affecting my physical health as well.<br><br>
I wasn't fully ready to listen... until it really hit me, "OMG! They are right!!" And I noticed how badly my health was starting to go downhill and I stated getting really worried what it was doing to the babe I'm carrying. The thought of staying with the emotional roller coaster hell ride I was on with STBX became far more terrifying than going the pregnancy alone.<br><br>
People also told me that support will come up once I started talking... which I also didn't beleive... but it happened. Heck, even the lady who opened my new bank account escaped an abusive relationship and her and I chatted and commiserated for awhile and she gave me her number and told me to never hesitate to call.<br><br>
You will get no judgement from me about when you are ready to leave. We all have our own breaking points that only we can figure out.<br><br>
But, what your partner is doing is NOT NORMAL! And if his words are not meeting his actions... all those good things you listed about him are null and void, as they are the fantasy... not the reality him that you are dealing with, unfortunately.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> The others had great advice about seeking out counseling. A book that helped open my eyes in regards to picking the wrong guys and what it does to us and our children that I highly recommend is "Women Who Love Too Much".<br><br>
Feel free to PM me. When you are ready to leave... YOU CAN DO IT! And you can survive. And you can raise 4 amazing children on your terms without an abusive man around putting you all down.<br><br>
Positive and peaceful vibes to you Mama. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/goodvibes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Goodvibes"></div>
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Not to hijack the OP's thread, but . .. man Jsma! You amaze me. I know you're on a long hard road, but as someone who has followed your story for a long while, I'm amazed and thrilled to hear how well it sounds like you're doing. Hurrah for you! What an inspiration you'll be for your kids.<br><br>
OP, if you don't know Jsma's story, go back and check her old threads. You'll see what she's gone through, all her rationalizations for staying, etc., etc. and I bet you'll see a lot of your own relationship in there.
 
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