[Hippie Mama 79]

I realize many will think I'm selfish, but I'm overwhelmed with the idea of having another baby. We really didn't want another, and we were using the same birth control that has worked before. None of my past babies were ever planned, but I always wanted a child. After our third we were complete, I felt great about being finished, where as before, i never felt our family was finished, and having another baby was exciting. I'm 37, and my youngest is still nursing, is now beginning to sleep through the night, she can play with sisters without me being on guard all the time. I've also never have had kids closer than 4.5 years apart, my youngest two will be just three years apart, youngest was born Nov 6, 2014, Andy I'm due Nov 21. I have more moments of free time than I have in the past couple years. My older two are homeschooled, but thankfully we previously discussed them heading to public school next school year. I've really been looking forward to "free" time. I work four days a week, part time, and I thought when kids are in school, and it's only my two year old with me, I can craft, read, journal, fill in the black again. Now I'm having another baby. I'm dealing with anxiety lately, and I can't take my anti-anxiety meds now. My guess is my situation is more troublesome than it would be if I wasn't dealing with anxiety. (Anxiety is now to me. I had five family member die within a year, and this must have triggered it.)

I am well aware this post is long winded, and I'm having a pity party, but if anyone has dealt with a pregnancy they weren't too happy about, please send some love my way. I know when little one arrives, it'll be ok, but right now I'm grieving for losing what was going to be my found freedom.

 

[BirthFree]

My last baby who is now 5y was the most ridiculous shock ever... I sobbed and was so so so not excited for the longest time.

It's a cliche I know, but the babies that show up that way do tend to be meant to be... and end up being just the right babies.

But the grief is real and it's ok to feel that! Feel it, it's ok!

 

[corson]

I'm in a similar position. I was a SAHM when my first 3 kids were born. I wanted them, we planned for them. I'm two years into school right now, applied for nursing school in the fall, and we had a birth control failure. I'm completely mad at myself, I have useless healthcare, and to be honest I'm mostly pretending I am not pregnant (I am taking care of myself though, exercising, taking prenatals). My youngest son is 32 months old and still nursing a couple of times a day. I was really waiting to not be pregnant or nursing and just have my body back!

I'm sorry you are going through this, and agree ^^, it's OK to be sad.

 

[Hippie Mama 79]

I'm in a similar position. I was a SAHM when my first 3 kids were born. I wanted them, we planned for them. I'm two years into school right now, applied for nursing school in the fall, and we had a birth control failure. I'm completely mad at myself, I have useless healthcare, and to be honest I'm mostly pretending I am not pregnant (I am taking care of myself though, exercising, taking prenatals). My youngest son is 32 months old and still nursing a couple of times a day. I was really waiting to not be pregnant or nursing and just have my body back!

I'm sorry you are going through this, and agree ^^, it's OK to be sad.

Thank you both, Corson and Birth free. It's nice to have support. I'm sorry Corson you are in a similar situation. I know it'll all work out, I am finding it hard to relax. My husband suggested meditation and yoga, I suggest heavy drinking to forget hahah I'm also trying to not think about, our insurance SUCKS. We are overwhelmed. I'm ready to birth freely, no one around except hunny, that makes him nervous. I'm having trouble locating a midwife who will accept me. I've had an early baby born at 35 weeks, and the next two I had gestational diabetes. I'm discouraged from a homebirth, I just hope to locate a midwife who will help me birth the way I want.

 

[MulberryandGrace]

Giiiiirrrrllllll. I can relate. We got pregnant with our first when I was 15. I feel so much more surprised now, 10 years later, than I did then. I also felt like I was just coming out of postpartum haze. Our kids are at cool ages. My business is taking off. We've got financial breathing room for the first time ever.

I sobbed when I saw the positive test.

I'm wrapping my head around thus still. I tell myself that we have all of the physical things to make this work. Money, a beautiful home, baby things. We have lots of love and laughter here. We have space, physically and in our hearts, for a babe, but it doesn't make me feel more 'ready' good thing I've got a bunch of months.

 

[BirthFree]

I full on hyperventilated in the bathroom when I saw the test for my HUGEST surprise baby (who is now 5). Those moments are so rough.

 

[Kdrama_Mama]

Yeah, I relate to this so hard. You are not alone! I just found out I'm pregnant with our FIFTH child, and I was honestly just pissed off about it. I love babies, and I love kids, and I especially love OUR kids, but I was so done. You know? Like just done. I wanted to go on family vacations, I wanted to be done with diapers. I was ready to move on. Sigh.

Also I never saw myself as "that lady" who has a gajillion kids, but I guess God had a different idea for me!

Upside: I'm super good at being a full time mom, and I do love it. Downside...WTH DH! (He was supposed to get a vasectomy. But he didn't. So here we are.):crying:

 

[Hippie Mama 79]

Thank you to all who responded. I'm feeling grateful that no one made me feel guilty. I never thought I would have so many children. I know the universe has something special planned for my family, so I'll go with that. I'm slowly coming around to the fact another little babe will be part of our family, not excited yet, but adjusting. Haha...life will be ok.