adjustment to being a sahm

For me it was the total loss of "me" that the early months of SAHMing meant. Before being a mom, I did what I wanted, when I wanted and how I wanted. Yeah, I'm married and I worked, but I've always been the kind of person who lives life on my terms and everyone around me has the choice to accept that or walk away.

And suddenly, I was living life on Isabel's terms. And that was really hard. I felt like I couldn't be "Vick" and that I was only ever going to be "Isabel's mom". It took me months to find myself amid all of Isabel's 'things', but when I did, I realized I was still there. And knowing that gave me the freedom to really enjoy being the new me, "Isabel's mom, Vick"

New friends was hard for me too susannahm. I didn't realize how work dependent my friends were. Even my non work friends didn't have kids or kept them in daycare and didn't want to get together with me and my brood!

I also feel the loss of the prestige that came with the income. I knew I had "made it" as a sahm when I finanally stopped needing to tell people what I used to do and could just say that now I am a sahm. Thought I do sometimes still need to remind people that I used to do something else and I am not just about wiping snotty noses

For me, becoming a SAHM was easy. I've always been a homebody. I love the freedom of doing what I want on my clock. I always knew that when the time came, I wanted to raise my kids that way. I knew my chickies would never spend a day in daycare unless it was an absolute neccessity. But, I do know all about the social abandonment thing. I always hung out in the local village with the hippies. They were very "natural" and "down-to-earth". Funny thing was, as soon as the very natural act of getting pregnant happened, none of my friends wanted to hang around anymore. It was like I was hindering their creative abilities or something. Luckily, in the environment I grew up in, I was used to losing friends as quickly as I made them, so it didn't bother me too much. And I agree....my sweet dh and my tots are the best friends I could ever hope for. I have made a life for me that I love, and wouldn't change for the world. I did recently have a large tiff with my MIL though, and that has probably been the biggest shoot down I've experienced. I had been a SAHM for about 2.5 yrs, and she told me I can't keep a clean house, and I'm a terrible wife, my hubby should leave me, and I'm an overprotective, paranoid mom. That hurt. I know what it feels like when the main contribution you make to the fam is raising kids and running the home. When she insulted my whole integrity as a wife/mother, I was crushed. It took quite a bit of consoling from my dh to convince me that I am doing just fine. My motto now is, love your kids, know your kids, and support your kids. Everything else will work itself out in time.

Transitioning to being a SAHM can be very difficult, and sometimes it is hard for a DH to understand.

My, "ah-ha!" moment came when my sister reminded me that mothering is a vocation that, while not always given the respect it deserves, serves a greater purpose than anything that I did in life before kids. She reminded me that I have been trusted with this little miracle who needs me far more than anyone in my office ever could. Raising a happy child is a much higher calling than managing a real estate office.

We SAHM's have to take pride in what we do. There's aren't many exciting stories to be found in doing dishes, cleaning, making dinner, and caring for an infant, but there's a far greater reward in it ultimately than there was in working for someone else.

That said, I think staying at home is WAAAAY harder than working outside the home! Maybe it was the job that I had that was easy, but I left the office at the office every day. And no one from the office ever woke me up crying in the middle of the night.

Mama to Ren (1/26/06) : and AJ (2/8/96)

My hardest adjustment was sort of financial. For the longest time, I felt like I wasn't contributing to the family b/c I wasn't contributing financially. Logically, I knew that wasn't true. DH never even hinted at it. It was just from me. I had worked an outside job since I turned 16- dd was born when I was 26 and I became a SAHM when ds1 was born and I was 28. So, I had 12 years experience 'working' and none being a SAHM. I always got bored at work when I had to do the same repetitive task over and over and as a SAHM there were many repetitive tasks I did over and over and over. Diapers every 2 hrs, clean up the same toys 150 times an hour, etc.

Once I got over myself and realized being a SAHM was harder than I ever thought it was and I was contributing, even if not bringing in a paycheck, things were much better. It didn't help that ds1 had issues for the first few months. It took me at least 6 mos to be comfortable with my new role of SAHM.

I've told countless people that I think being SAHM is harder than WOHM in many ways. It's much more rewarding,IMO, but much tougher for me.