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<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>queenjane</strong> <a href="/community/t/1361877/adoption-and-choosing-the-sex-of-your-child#post_17093919"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif"></a><br><br>
What type of adoption are you doing?<br><br>
I think the gender thing is only "problematic" if you are trying to adopt a not-yet-born child. Obviously, if the child is already born, the sex is obvious so why not pick the one you feel more comfortable with? I dont know if you prefer a boy or girl, i do know that there are always more boys available than girls. People tend to want girls, for various reasons. Personally i think i prefer parenting boys but that may have more to do with the kids i actually have. My girl is the "hardest" one so far.<br><br>
But really, do what you're comfortable with. I think it isnt a bad idea to really look at WHY you would make that choice and see if there arent some unfair assumptions you may be making about expectations for each gender. But overall YOU know your family best and if you can choose, and want to do it, do it. Dont worry about what other people think. For me, while i wouldnt be comfortable saying "no" to a girl child presented to me on that basis only, when i adopt again i think a boy or boys would fit better, just would be easier in terms of bedroom space and all that. If you're doing a domestic infant adoption, i know people DO ask for one gender, i just think you may be limiting your options esp since not every expectant mother knows what she is having and even if she found out its not always accurate.</div>
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Thank you everyone who has replied so far! I appreciate your thoughts <img alt="smile.gif" class="bbcode_smiley" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/smile.gif">.<br><br>
We will be doing an international adoption. I would never adopt an infant domestically but I will say that if we were planning to, i wouldnt have a gender preference. I didn't want to get into the reasons I feel more comfortable with one sex over the other because of the whole idea of making unfair assumptions. I definitely am making assumptions (some of them certainly could be classified as 'unfair' as they are nothing but generalizations) as to which sex would be a better match based on my experiences supervising adoptive placements, working with traumatized kids in general, and watching a few friends who have adopted struggle. It's all anecdotal, and even I could argue with all my assumptions. Part of it is just a gut feeling. I have two boys. One is incredibly high needs, one is very laid back. I know I could go into this hoping that a child of one gender will be a better match for me personally to parent based on assumptions about sex and have my assumptions fly out the window. I will say that my reasons do go a lot deeper than wanting a boy because we already have all the boy clothes, etc., or wanting a girl so I have someone to take shopping with me. I think a big problem is I've just seen too much and although I'm very excited about adding to our family, I also don't have rose colored glasses on and know too well the impact early deprivation and trauma can have on kids. I've seen that manifest in different ways in boys and girls, and I just feel like I'm less capable of meeting the needs that present more often in one sex. Arguable, I know, and I guess the fact that i can argue with my own logic is why I'm on the fence and feeling guilty. Likes its not legit. But I just do have such a strong gut feeling about it. Thanks for helping me think this through.