Okay, I am back. A lot of what I want to say echos what has been said.
1.
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Originally Posted by Tigerchild 
Are your pediatrician and nutritionist specialized or experienced in working with kids from institutionalized settings? The advice you were given sounds more "standard" than anything I was ever told to do when caring for neglected kids or kids who hoard food as a foster parent...I wholeheartedly agree with Pumpkin's advice to seek out a *specialized* pediatrician and nutitionist if you've not already. I think an adoption specialist would be ideal.
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2.
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Originally Posted by Tigerchild 
What about those mesh-on-a-stick things that you can put an apple slice or two in for a kiddo to gnaw on ( they're more for babies though, not sure how they'd hold up to toddler teeth! Also, well, they are kind of gross and messy sometimes).
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I didn't mean to offend by suggesting celery sticks. My kids were able to handle that kind of thing at that age, which is why I suggested it but put in the caveat about only if it doesn't cause choking (and a lot of times, I do realize, kids who gorge will take in too much and tend to choke more easily).
If she is a kid who is likely to choke, the mesh-bag-on-a-stick thing for babies is a great idea. It can also be filled with ice chips to increase her water intake, as water helps the body sense when it is full. My kids sometimes used it for teething ice as toddlers, and they did not have an issue with biting it.
The other food suggestions have been good. And I really agree that the key may be in part on keeping her filled with proteins. Cheerios for me is really the non-stop edible food.
3.
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Originally Posted by Tigerchild 
I think it's unrealistic to expect most toddlers to carry something with them and just graze from it unless that is how they are. Most of the toddlers I have known (including mine) will eat everything out of their snacky cup or baggie when they're given it unless they don't like it--they don't have self-regulation at all.
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That may be true, but if you are at your wits end, I actually think it would be worth trying it in the "boot camp" style that pumpkingirl suggested. I don't mean fill a little snacky cup. I mean get the kid the biggest lunch box or mess-proof backpack she can handle and prepare a huge amount of food ahead of time to keep refilling her box/backpack with. Stuff it to the brim.
I just threw out the idea earlier thinking of things you might have tried, but now having thought about it, I think it could be an interesting experiment. You may have to be the one ultimately in charge of handling it, and you may put a requirement on it like that it stays in the kitchen or that she has to eat at a small table she can get in and out of by herself (to avoid messes), but the point is that it is readily available.
(For what it is worth, this is actually what we did with our own kids from a very young age. We follow the Montessori philosophy, so essentially we chose a low shelf and made that into the kids snack shelf. Every night we prepared snacks and put them in these sturdy little jars from IKEA that had easy on-off lids, and put those on their snack shelf. Then the next day, whenever the kids felt hungry, they could take a jar and bring it over to their little table and help themselves. My developmentally delayed son started doing this sometime between 13-18 months of age, so it is possible. The hardest part was teaching him that he had to remain seated at the table or that it meant he was done and needed to clear his place...it took patience on our parts, but once he learned that, it worked pretty well. Granted, between the two of them, only my daughter came to us with a history of being overfed, and she never had major issues as a result, but my point is to refute the claim that toddlers can't handle having access to food.)
I would do this for a couple reasons...first, it would help you assess where she is at better. I think there is a chance that the more you stress about this, the more her behaviors will exhibit. So if you give yourself a weekend where you are prepared and ready to just let her eat and eat and eat, and see what happens...then you can get a better idea of what is going on. Essentially, I am recommending that you isolate the behavior from factors like a limited food supply and your own frustrations. Second, I think you also find out whether some kind of system giving her unlimited access to healthy, low-caloric foods would work. She might surprise you! I hear you throwing the idea away because it sounds crazy, and I know it does, but sometimes things like this work in counter-intuitive ways.
4.
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Originally Posted by pumpkingirl71 
I just wanted to say I know how you feel and it is so hard. For my daughter it was not food, it is 100% undivided attention. If we give our other two children any attention, the negative behavior started. Watching other toddlers play used to make me cry. The good news is that things have gotten SO much better. My six year old has come so far. She is watching her brother play right now and letting me answer this question
But it was very slow going. Even at six, in some ways she is still two or three.
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Yes! Yes! And this is why I think that working with an adoption specialist as well as perhaps a behavioral therapist, if you are not already, might be tremendously helpful. As many folks here know, we did
PCIT-A with our daughter, and it was really helpful with a lot of her behavior.
5.
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Originally Posted by pumpkingirl71 
Just curious, does she make herself sick?
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This is a hugely important question.
6.
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Originally Posted by WifeMomChiro 
My suggestion would be to have her evaluated for SPD. It seems to me that she is really oral sensory seeking. If you learn some tools to increase her sensory input in other ways it could really help.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pumpkingirl71 
THis could be true, or it could also be true that oral input could help fer avoid food for a longer stretch. Maybe soemthing like a z-vibe or a vibrating teether?
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Trying a vibrating teether or z-vibe is a great idea!
7.
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Originally Posted by texmati 
It sounds like your daughter had gotten used to a steady stream of food, and also uses it for comfort.
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What I would look for in a behavioral therapist is someone who has experience helping a child slowly transfer one comfort-seeking behavior to another.
I know you said she doesn't have any attachment issues, and you and the professionals you worked with will know best. But sometimes attachment stuff can be really subtle. When my dd came to me, her comforts were all things *outside* of our relationship. Over time, we've been able to transfer some of her comfort-seeking behaviors to some things that are relationship-based.
What we did is really seek to respect the comforting effect she already had going. For example, when dd came to us she was feeding herself from the bottle. She would sometimes cry for the bottle when she wanted to be comforted, not necessarily because she was hungry (which was also age appropriate). But she didn't want us to hold her. So we respected that she *needed* the bottle for comfort. But slowly we began to help her associate the bottle with *us.* So we weren't taking away what was comforting, but were bringing that thing to us. That puts you in a position where you can eventually can begin to phase out the original comfort item (which wasn't what we did with dd...the bottle was age-appropriate, we just wanted her to begin to associate the bottle with attachment) because you have begun to put the feeling of comfort into a replacement context.
8.
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Originally Posted by texmati 
I can only imagine being moved from that kind of environment to one where food was restricted. It can be very stressful. I agree with pp's to start out small, and also maybe adjust your thinking about food. Why is it that she can't eat every 20 minutes?
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You sound frustrated because your life with your child totally revolves around food, but the above is still a valid question. Is there some way that you can set her up to get her needs met while you also get your needs met?
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can she carry around a watered down juice bottle? |
Or milk in a sippy cup (to avoid spills throughout your house, since she'll be carrying it around) and then maybe start replacing the milk with increasing amounts of water-milk mix until it is just water (you don't want her to get baby bottle rot in her mouth)?
9.
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Originally Posted by tsfairy 
One other thought after re-reading some of the posts is that it does sound a bit like an attention/comfort issue. Does she still obsess over food when she's being held and cuddled? Does she maybe associate food with comfort?
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It would indeed be helpful to know this.
10.
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Originally Posted by Marsupialmom 
Also, what do you expect a child's response to be when they see someone in their own home eating? At that age they like to share and being told no hurts their feeling. If you don't want her to snack don't eat snacks in front of her -- that is mean in any situation. I think if you polled you will find many people's toddlers expect sharing.
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True enough.
11.
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Originally Posted by melon 
I started steaming carrot sticks and green beans, and I just leave them in my fridge for when he asks for fruit and he's already had some. (He eats them cold) Also, defrosted frozen peas are a good snack.
I've also been making these "cookies" in the food processor, I'm not sure about quantities, I just fudge it.....Put in some cashews or peanuts, chop em up, move to a bowl....Put in some dates, and maybe some raisins, chop that up, and put in another bowl. Gradually add the nuts to the fruits, mush it up with your hands, and make it into flattened balls. (Wrap in cellophane for an on the go snack, or put on wax paper.) Stick em in the fridge. They're really good.
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Those are all good suggestions but anything with dried fruit can cause blood sugar spikes, so may increase her hunger later even though it has protein too.