[arabella]

I need some info on this. Do you think it is real? I fear my dh has this and I am disgusted and heartbroken. I am a old fashioned gal and I am deeply offended.
I hate to break up my family over this.. but I feel like I need to.

Please share any thoughts on the subject.

 

[mama ganoush]

i think it like any other compulsion-if it is interfering in your life and your relationships, and you can't/won't stop-than it is an addiction.

 

[Maeve]

Oh, hon, I don't know what to say. Have you tried talking to him about it? usually it's a symptom of a deeper problem/conflict.

:

 

[baileyandmikey]

I can recommed a good book for you , if you are a christian. it is called Every Man's Battle, and deals with all these topics

 

[nova22]

Yes, I think it is real, and like MG said, anything that causes an interruption in your daily activities, pulls you away from your family, etc...is an addiction and can be harmful. This thread may get moved to Parents as Partners or some other forum...if it doesn't, I suggest posting this in PAP so you can get some male perspective as more men post there than here. I think you can find a way to approach your husband about this in a way that will not put him on the defensive, and hopefully you will be able to have a nice non-argumentative discussion about how you both feel. (((((hugs))))) to you mama and good luck.

 

[meemee]

an occasional movie here and there i guess is ok. but if it is affecting your sex life or if he is watching it constantly then yes it is a problem. i feel u should be moderate with ur needs. not say a complete no.. but work something out that is acceptable to the both of you. 'addiction' is a v. strong word so first figure out if it truly is a reaction. sorry if i am being upfront about this but i have had quite a few friends who complain about their dh's reading a magazine once a month or even watching something. if they had their way their dh's should not watch any at all. that i think is not fair. and if you think that way then maybe it is time to think about if you want to be in the relationship or not.

and yes it is fast becoming a common reason why many relationships are breaking up.

and yes i do think an addiction in that is a sign of a deeper conflict/issue.

 

[FreeThinkinMama]

I think anything can be taken to an extreme. Is it the fact that he's watching them too often or just the fact that he watches them that bothers you more? I mean could you live with the fact that he watches them occasionally?

Personally I'm not bothered by my dh watching them, I even watch them with him sometimes. But when we first started dating I was very intimidated by the women in the video, I felt I didn't really measure up to them and I'll be honest I was extremely jealous that he had videos and magazines with other women. I demanded he throw them all away and he respected my wishes/feelings. After a while I became more confident with my body and stuff and just decided it didn't bother me, they were just in a magazine and it's not like he would ever be with them in real life and they couldn't see him ect so I just became comfortable with it I guess. But maybe your reasons are different, maybe you think it's immoral?

At any rate, if it really hurts your feelings your husband should respect that and put them away. looking at these other women couldn't possibly mean more to him then his marriage and family. He's probably just a visual person like my husband and likes admiring the female form. So give him something to admire a little more often, buy yourself some lingerie and spice things up in the bedroom. Just let him see he doesn't need the magazines and movies when he can have the real thing.

good luck!

 

[Mackenzie]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mama ganoush i think it like any other compulsion-if it is interfering in your life and your relationships, and you can't/won't stop-than it is an addiction.

ITA w/ mama g

 

[sarah_bella1050]

How often does he watch them? Does he prefer them to you? Personally I don't see anything wrong with them in my relationship. My dh and I have a very honest and trusting relationship. Have you tried seeing what all the fuss is about with him?

If he is watching them all the time and his family life is suffering I would suggest some counseling. Maybe he feels like he's missing something or maybe he just need a fantasy.

 

[calicokatt]

Hope you find the answers you're looking for....

 

[Amylcd]

Anything can become addicting, and if it's hurting the family I can understand how it would be a problem. However, I don't think making him stop watching it is going to solve the real issue. Have you considered couples counseling?

I personally see no problem with porn (this is coming from a woman who drags her DH to strip clubs and buys him lap dances..i get mine for free lol).

 

[DarkHorseMama]

arabella, I can't help but notice that your only other post also was regarding your DH and some rather serious issue. Perhaps you could enlighten us by telling us the ages of your DH and you, and any children you have in your house? Maybe even consider posting an introduction in the Pleased to Meet You forum?

Hoping you find the peace you seek.