Advice, ideas and prayers wanted: UPDATE!!

1314 Views 12 Replies 10 Participants Last post by mommyofsweetones, Mar 11, 2004

HollyBearsMom

Discussion Starter · Oct 3, 2003

Hi everyone-

I am looking for advice and some shoulders to lean one. To give you a little background, I am 41, married, work full time and have a wonderful 2-year-old son. He is my miracle baby. After over 7 years of infertility, a successful IVF cycle that then ended in miscarriage I found myself pregnant spontaneously. Numerous Dr's had told me that I would never conceive "naturally" lo and behold I did. We were thrilled beyond belief and we very content with our little family.

That said my husband and I have been discussing the possibility if having another child. My father died recently and I have been feeling the anguish of not having a sibling for my son. My brothers and sisters we amazing to me and such a support to my mom. All the repressed urges I had to have another child came full force to the surface. (My apologies to anyone out there that I may offend by saying that, I know we should just be happy we our son and trust me we are!!) We have been trying for over a year now to no avail. After much soul searching we have decided to go back and try IVF again. My app't with the Dr is October 20th.

I am having multiple thoughts that range from elation to terror. My concerns are:

I am 41 years old. Fertility is all ready greatly diminished never mind my past history. Also I will be in my 50's when this child is in his/her teens.
I am currently very overweight (5'6" and 200 lbs). I know this also effects fertility and increases my risks of gestational diabetes. However I don't know if I should put off IVF to lose weight and get in shape.
Risk of birth defects. No so much an issue for me but a great one to my husband. I know I could never abort, he doesn't think he has the strength to support a severely disabled child. Could our marriage survive this kind of challenge?
How far am I (and he) willing to go? Will we just do one attempt? Multiple? Do I implant every possible egg available? Do I save some in case the first attempt doesn't take?

So am I crazy for trying IVF again?? I would love any advice, words of encouragement, prayers that you wonderful women out there have. Thanks for reading!

Peace

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naturegirl

· #2 · Oct 3, 2003

Hollybears mom. You have my thoughts and prayers in your journey.

Try to not worry about having a disabled child. My dh was born when his mother was 42. Sure, there were things that the "younger" parents did that his mother didn't do with him but he managed very well and is perfectly fine physically.

I can understand you desire to have another also. I would be lost without my siblings. They are a blessing. Remember that there are a lot of "only" children out there too, who do great, so you do not need to have another child for your child. He will be fine. My dh is an only child and I ask him if he misses not having brothers or sisters and he says no. He doesn't even understand what it is like so he can't miss it. He is very independent and strong. Plus, now he has me and all my family

I have not gone through medical treatments myself so I don't have advice on that really, other than do what you feel best in your heart and soul. Listen to yourself. You need to be confident in your decision and trust it 100%. You will make the right one if you look within.

My thoughts and prayers are with you!

Cheryl

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Arduinna

· #3 · Oct 3, 2003

Oh I can so relate to your post. I'm 39 with a teenager and while I really want another child I also think aobut how old I'll be when the child is a teen. And how in my case, I'm not as healthy as I was when I had dd. My dh is 46 and also feel the age issue. can't help wanting another though. I too feel my dd is my miracle baby, and I desperately miss the baby we should have had but lost. I also struggle with weight issues, I will tell you that I wieghed what you do now with dd and no gestational diabetes in that prgnancy. I am heavier now. I ate like crap the first time, and that won't happen again.

Prayers coming your way for sure.

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butterflyma

· #4 · Oct 4, 2003

How lucky for a baby to be so wanted by a parent of any age! Can't imagine thinking that a parent wanting to add love to their family was selfish. I know that I want more than one child, and I haven't even been successful with 1 yet.

:

I don't have any advice- just wanted to give you support.

I'll add you to my ttc prayers.

Brandi

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HollyBearsMom

Discussion Starter · #5 · Oct 7, 2003

Just wanted to let you know that after much discussion, analysis and soul searcher DH and I have decided to follow our hearts. I have an ultrasound scheduled for 10/20 to look at my fibroids and if all goes well there I have a meeting with my IVF DR that same afternoon. I am so excited!! So now I just have to give up the wine and caffiene and try to drop a few pounds... Easier saif then done!!

Again, thank you for advice, thoughts and prayers!

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gonnabeamom

· #6 · Oct 8, 2003

Bless you for being so thoughtful about having a child. I think all to the children we will all have, have a marvelous start in being so wanted.

I don't think it's any easy to want a second child you can't have than it is to want a first child you can't have. (I'm still working on my first) Nasty myth that. I don't think my having older sibs disqualified my parents from wanting me.

I also think that there are realities to be an older parent, that aren't true for parents in their twenties, but I've talked to a couple of women who did both children in their twenties and forties, and they said they were had more energy the first time around, and more wisdom and patience the second time around.

If you stay active (and what could keep you active more than having kids to chase) there's no reason you shouldn't enjoy this kid.

My parents are in their sixties, and now healthier and more active and happier than they were in their fifties. They look nothing like my grandparents did at the same age, and you could be the same. I'm kind of ranting a bit, but I feel like we are all carrying around ideas of what it means to be a certain age, and they're a generation out of date

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HollyBearsMom

Discussion Starter · #7 · Mar 4, 2004

I had my first PG test on Monday and my second test today and......

I'M PREGNANT

My ultrasound is scheduled for 3/18. So please pary for asting heartbeat. At that time I should also know how many eggs sacs there are. I had 7 fertilized embryo's and they were AHR so there is is a high possibilty for twins

which freaks my husband out but makes me very happy!!

So THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for all your sticky thoughts!! You are all the best!

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BeeandOwlsMum

· #8 · Mar 4, 2004

Congrats!!!! That is awesome!

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kimberlylibby

· #9 · Mar 4, 2004

How awesome!!!!!! :LOL :LOL :LOL :LOL :LOL :LOL :LOL :LOL

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sleeping queen

· #10 · Mar 4, 2004

YEAH!!!!!!

:LOL :LOL I'm so happy for you. I've been watching for your post. When I had my first beta the nurse laughed and said she wondered how many was any there. WE had transfered three eggs. We have twins that I adore. I have an 11 year old and I'm glad she has siblings. Keep us posted after your ultrasound.

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