[acmommy]

<p>I am not new here at all but needed to post this anonymously.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I know there are some mamas on here who regularly use MJ for pain relief or different purposes and I had done some research about its safety while pregnant/nursing and decided that I would be comfortable using it occasionally while nursing. In the past 2 months I have done so twice. My dh also smokes occasionally and is ok with this.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yesterday a friend that I have known for over 10 years found out in casual conversation that I smoke. I have no idea how he didn't know this before, since as I mentioned we have been friends for years, but apparently he didn't. Or he thought that because I'm nursing I had stopped (for a while I had quit due to other reasons). He was LIVID when he found out and basically threatened to call CPS on me. I have two children and i'm afraid if he did actually call this could go very badly. I'm kicking myself for trusting him, but he is normally a really open minded, laid back individual (and he has plenty of friends who are potheads) so I was not expecting that reaction at all. I have been battling PPD and get severe anxiety attacks, and that was the reason I smoked at all, but I didn't want to tell him that because he is the type to say that PPD is all in your head and I'm just addicted. I can go months or years without smoking, and have. This is not a regular thing for me, AT ALL and I just want to kick myself for risking my kids over this.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>From what I read, the bf baby can test positive long after the mom tests clean, even though there are only trace amounts in the baby's system, and there are no actuall effects on the baby.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If I were to actually get contacted by CPS, what should I do? I was thinking I could offer to switch to formula if it makes them feel better and offer to take a drug test myself every week or something. i'm just terrified now that they will march in and remove my kids because of these two occurrences. I'm assuming based on the circumstances that I would have no choice but to let them in to 'investigate" and all that. I really, really wish that MJ would be legalized to avoid this kind of situation, but that's a whole 'nother topic I suppose.</p>

 

[Stephenie]

<p>No advice, just <img alt="hug2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug2.gif"></p>

 

[bodhitree]

<p>Honestly, I would be proactive and find a lawyer to get some advice. I definitely wouldn't admit anything to CPS or allow any testing without getting legal advice from someone who knows the laws and how the system works in your area.</p>

 

[RoamingWidgeteer]

<p>Don't know if this helps: <a href="http://www.salem-news.com/articles/june272010/marijuana-infants-sc.php" target="_blank">Cannabis Reduces Infant Mortality</a></p>
<p>And as Bodhitree said, get a lawyer.</p>

 

[acmommy]

<p>that's a great article. thank you.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I can't afford a lawyer and from my understanding legal aid will not do any sort of criminal defense work. i don't know if this is in that realm. Honestly, I've never had anything more than a traffic ticket in my life and this whole thing is so scray, I'm almost numb. I just can't believe a)how stupid I was and b)how my friend could so easily threaten me. fwiw he is a single male who still lives with his parents and has no children. He's a fairly responsible person but he knows next to nothing about kids so he probably can't even fathom what kind of ramifications this could have.</p>

 

[Sfcmama]

Preface: I'm a social worker in a big, liberal city where smoking pot is rarely criminalized<br><br>
My initial reaction is that yor anxiety/PPD may be making this into a bigger deal than it actually is at this point... You said he threatened to call - how likely is this to happen?<br><br>
Depending on where you live (and for better or worse), exposure to pot alone is rarely a reason for a call to be screened in, meaning that thy would actually send someone out to investigate. Even if they did, you would probably have to be stoned or your house to look filthy/neglected for them to believe there was a problem. I've never heard of an infant being tested for pot, especially with no other signs of neglect/maltreatment so I wouldn't worry about it too much. Remember, cps involvement requires legal cause and the only "proof" that exists is you talking to your friend about it, right?<br><br>
I hope I'm not minimizing your concerns. It's my intent to help you see it from another perspective. Hth!

 

[acupuncturemomma]

<p>Oh, mama. <img alt="greensad.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/greensad.gif"> How terrifying for you. Don't know if this will help at all, but <a href="http://norml.org/index.cfm?Group_ID=3378" target="_blank">this page</a> on NORML's site has some legal issues info.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hugs to you. </p>

 

[acmommy]

<p>the problem is that our conversation was partially via facebook (im's and comments) obviously I did not post a comment that incriminated myself but he posted a disparaging comment about me as a mom and I don't know why it mattered really, but it upset me at the time and I posted back something like "you've never had a kid, let alone breastfed one; how could you know more about it than me?" something to that effect. and then he began comparing weed to all these other things so I posted a few links about the dangers of marijuana compared to the dangers of narcotics during childbirth, and things of that nature. so I guess if he really wanted to he could print out bits and pieces taht would make me look bad even though I didn't make any direct statement admitting to anything online.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>and yes, I am terrified. All I can picture is them testing my sweet innocent baby and taking her away because of what i've done. I'm not an irresponsible parent at all. But I'm just afraid they will group this in with the same category as a crack addicted baby or something. my baby is 8 months old btw. don't know if that makes a difference since she isn't a newborn. We dont' vax, I'm worried about that. my other child has some emotional problems (lying, manipulating) and could very easily be led into making totally false statements about what goes on at home.</p>

 

[lookatreestar]

<p>can you delete the fb? or maybe play him up like "ohh you were right, i decided that maybe bfing and weed don't mix. we are starting the weaning process" (hey it could count as baby led weaning aka starting solids <img alt="winky.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/winky.gif">)</p>

 

[~Boudicca~]

<p>Oh eeks, OP.  That is a scary situation you got there, and I must say your friend pretty much sucks.  I have no advice just <span><img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif"></span></p>

 

[acmommy]

<p>well I did make a comment that if in doubt, pump and dump. and I told him I'd done that before. Like I said, everything I said was pretty general.</p>
<p>he refuses to talk to me now, so........what's done is done, I guess. Oh this is so stressful.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I babysit out of the house every day so I wouldn't even be home until 4 pm every day, I imagine they would come before that. Or would they call first and then come? I'm not even sure he knows my exact address although he has been here a few times. a loooong time ago. (I only talk with him via fb per dh's wishes, he's definitely not a "family friend" which is another part of this, that if my dh finds out about this he will blame me forever since he is not a fan of the guy to start with.)</p>

 

[MusicianDad]

<p>One thought that came to mind is that if you live in an area that allows medical mj use, then perhaps find a doctor who supports it and see if you can get a prescription or MJ card (how ever it is done there). </p>

 

[Ambystoma]

<p>I have a feeling that they would test you, not your child, and if you came back negative, no need to check the baby. (And if pos, then maybe they'd check her.) So, just drink a bunch of water and don't smoke again and you'll probably be negative. You can look online for stuff to clear your system, but honestly if you are a rare smoker, it will clear your system earlier than a lot of the stats you find online.</p>

 

[acmommy]

<p>how long after someone makes a call does cps usually come out? i would assume even if he called today, being that it was a weekend, and a holiday one at that, it wouldn't even be looked at until monday since I doubt it would be considered a life threatening emergency. does anyone know exactly how long it takes to clear out of the baby's sytem? She has a ped appt on wed (mainly weight check since we skipped the 6 month one) and I would like to get through that before anyone from cps comes out here and then possibly contacts the ped. I would think a recent clean bill of health from the doctor would look good for me, right?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I'm probably not even making sense. I'm scared s***less. The what ifs are running through my head. I take medication for anxiety and it gives me bad side effects and still doesn't work as well, yet that is ok for breastfeeding even though it is acknowledged that the baby gets it too. That is the other part of this that irks me so badly.</p>

 

[acmommy]

<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Ambystoma</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282252/advice-needed-no-flaming-please#post_16078905"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>I have a feeling that they would test you, not your child, and if you came back negative, no need to check the baby. (And if pos, then maybe they'd check her.) So, just drink a bunch of water and don't smoke again and you'll probably be negative. You can look online for stuff to clear your system, but honestly if you are a rare smoker, it will clear your system earlier than a lot of the stats you find online.</p>
</div>
</div>
<br><br><p> </p>

 

[lookatreestar]

<p>so are you going to try and contact the guy again? i hope for your sake he doesn't call but be glad you found out what kind of a "friend" he is...</p>

 

[Sfcmama]

Me again...<br>
IME, cps either comes right away (within 24hrs) if it was believed there was urgent concern (eg, physical or sexual abuse) or only after multiple reports of non-urgent concerns (eg, neglect). If you live in a large city or busy urban area, it sadly can take quite a lot to get someone to respond. Even if they did come out, there would have to be clear evidence of an imminent danger to take your children.<br><br>
As a mama, I hear your fears, I really do. It's quite clear that you love your babies and make every effort to give them the best. I'd encourage you to focus your energy on managing your anxiety by focusing on what you can control because any well-meaning mom can go crazy thinking worst case what ifs.<br><br>
I know you want to be anonymous but feel free to PM me with our county and I cam give you more info if I'm familiar with it.<br><br>
Hugs and slow, steady breaths to you!!!!

 

[oaktreemama]

<p>Keep your explanation short, sweet, and on point.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>IF he did call CPS (and most people don't-look at that horrible case where people KNEW abuse was going on) and if they actually came out I would simply say he has some issues with you and decided to try and hurt you through your kids.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And that's it. <strong>Don't get all elaborate or keep on talking</strong>. Just keep saying the same general thing over and over. "He has some personal issues with me and I guess he decided to call in a false report. I can't imagine why he would do that." No matter what they ask that is all you need to say.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>MJ is no big deal, you didn't wreck your kids, and this guy isn't worth freaking out over anymore. Delete him from your FB page and move on. Like PP's said, at least you know what kind of "friend" he is now.</p>

 

[hildare]

<p>sorry you are having to go through this.</p>
<p>ime with cps (from having worked in the building as a foodstamp worker when i graduated from college):</p>
<p>they do not actually want to remove your child in most cases.  if the worst case scenario for you were to happen, they would give you the chance to "clean up" and go to meetings and all that stuff.  i would NOT stop breastfeeding.  if they do show up, you can explain that you tried to pump and dump and smoked at a party.  i would not provide further info or elaborate, but be friendly/cooperative. </p>
<p>and i agree with oaktreemama, that guy sounds like a UAV.  delete and move on.. how you raise your kids is your business.</p>

 

[sosurreal09]

<p>i highly doubt they would come to be perfectly honest. i called CPS on someone for suspected child molestation and they told me i needed to have witnessed it! then they said i shouldnt go accusing people of things with no proof and to call back when i have proof. MJ is NOTHING in the eyes of CPS where i am. I know a girl who smoked religiously and they knew and couldnt care less although they were involved for other reasons.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>good luck!</p>