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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My ds, now 2 doesn't allow my dh to comfort him when he's hurt or sad.<br>
Even if I'm home I let dh attend the situation first, but ds just screams for me and he's already upset about something else and it tortures all of us.<br><br>
We need an intervention.<br><br>
It makes my Dh feel horrible, he really wants ds to come to him.<br>
They have lots of time together at night on the weekends and they have a great time.<br>
They really love each other a lot and ds can't wait for daddy to come home, he just squeals (literally).<br><br>
I stay home with ds so I do more comforting.<br><br>
Just wondering if you went through this or have pointers.<br><br>
Ds is still nursing at night, so he only wants me to put him to sleep.<br><br>
Thanks......
 

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Well I don't have any pointers but DD is the same except she really does not want to spend much time with anyone but me, and DH gets very upset when she will not let him comfort her. We are just letting it evolve naturally, though DH wants to comfort her even if she is distraught but if she is crying for me I feel I should respond if I am there as thats what she needs. It is tough but I am sure they will grow out of it, and learn to accept other people's comfort (especially DH hopefully) over time. DD has a lot of separation anxiety, it is very extreme I would say, but she has really not been left with anyone but me except on rare occasions. She still nurses a lot and for sleep/naps all the time and is 26 mo.<br><br>
Sorry that you are going through this too.
 

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We've had the same issues in our house. 99.9999% of the time, Kai wants me, and nobody else. My husband used to get upset, but now he just brings Kai straight to me, because that is what Kai wants. DH just says, "I'll have my day", which is SO true. There will more than likely be a time in Kai's life, when mom just won't understand, and Dad will be the go to guy.<br>
My husband is actually the fun guy! DH and ds wrestle and rough house all the time, someting I can't do. I remind DH how special it is that their wrestling is going to be a fond memory when ds is all grown.<br>
Your DH just needs to find his nitch with your son, and hang onto that, and be patient.
 

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3 year old DD is like that with DH, but it's not a issue in our house. DH and DD play, play, play, much more then DD and I do, even though we are home all day together, but the second she gets hurt, she comes running to me. We just figure that one day it'll be DH's turn, and he is fine with waiting until DD is ready.
 

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I think it all depends. Dd weaned at 18 months and she spends the majority of every Saturday Am with daddy as I work (I went back about a year ago when she was 8 months old). While there are times she wants mama, she does let dh comfort her also. He also can put her to sleep as well. I think the biggest factor is the nursing. It's not that we don't have the same closeness as before, I just think she is able to receive more from others because our relationship has evolved.<br><br>
I also try really hard to let daddy do it his way and to give him lots of opportunites to comfort her/care for her without me. We have been pretty intentional in this as of late because we have another babe arriving in May.<br><br>
I don't know if that helps...I think that kids do get a lot of their hurts comforted by mama ...because we're the mama's!!
 

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Of course it's normal for him to prefer mama. I know my husband felt very bad about this too when ds was younger. If you haven't, it may help to have an empathetic conversation with DH on this topic.<br><br>
For me the key to getting ds to accept comfort from dh was to trust them to work it out. I told him, I'm not going to come in to the rescue, you decide when he really needs me. Then I stayed out of the way (i.e. in another room) as much as possible. The truth is dh made some mistakes along the way (which I was very careful NOT to point out) like waiting too long to bring him to me or overstimulating him when he needed quiet comforting, BUT he learned after a while. Even when dad spends a lot of time with the child, it is still much less than a SAHM, so it's going to take longer to learn lots of parenting skills, including comforting.<br><br>
Do you want DH to be able to put your ds to bed?
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks mama's for your support.<br>
It is always comforting to know that others have or had similar situations.<br>
I think ds will grow out of it too, but it's hard for dh.<br>
We do talk about the situation. I too think it has to do with nursing, and all the mama time.<br>
There is this perfect spot on my shoulder for ds's head and he likes it there when he is sad or needing comfort. It use to be the breast, but now that seems to be for napping and bed time.<br>
Dh misses out on this kind of cuddling.<br>
We are going to make a big deal (bigger than it is now) for daddy hugs and holding in none sad times. We'll see how ds responds.<br><br>
Oh i would love dh to help with bed time, but ds doesn't want anything to do with him and will start to freak out if it's getting close and mama isn't in sight.<br>
Dh sits in the room with us and reads with us and does the tucking in.<br>
we recently moved ds to his own room.<br>
While he is doing that ds is going milk, milk, milk and settling in his space.<br>
My ds is hard put down and it usually takes an hour or two because I have to wait till he totally falls asleep. And sometimes it makes me very frustrated, especially when he wakes up 2 hours later crying for me.<br>
But it will make it's course and change into something else.
 

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Just wanted to add that we are in the same boat. Dd (23 months) is an avid nurser, and is even more attached to me since I went back to work 6 months ago. Dh loves that I am still nursing, but he does feel sort of left out. Especially since it seems that dd's new favorite saying is "no daddy no daddy". However, when he is gone she always asks for him and sometimes even cries for him. I need to tape that!<br><br>
Now at night Dh will tell a story while I nurse dd, and sometimes (when she doens't want to sleep) she asks for daddy to rock with her. But if she's hurt or really tired, it's only mama that will do. I think it's just a normal part of their development.
 
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