Dh sounds like he might be fighting your ds's diagnosis still, living in the fantasy that he can still be "normal," kwim? I would consent to going to visit MIL only if she agreed to board the dog at a friend's house or a kennel for the duration of your visit. Yes, your ds does need to learn to cope with a barking dog. But not at a visit to grandma's house that is *supposed* to be pleasant. Grandma's house should be a "safe place" where he doesn't have to force himself to cope with threatening situations. JMHO.
Advice on DS's sound sensitivity/trip to MIL
My DS has some sensory issues and is high functioning on the Autsim spectrum. One thing that freaks him out is when dogs bark. It depends on his mood, but he usually says he wants us to make it stop or that he wants to throw something at the dog to make it stop.
This has been going on for about a year. He had OT and did a listening program that really helped. BUT...about a year ago before we knew that he had ASD we took a trip for about a week and stayed with my MIL. She has a small yippy dog who barks at *everything*, and this really traumatized poor DH. IT made a lot of the visit very stressful. My DH and myself were very upset about it b/c it upset DS.
Here we are a year later, and DH wants to *brave* another visit there. I think that it could be stressful again, yet DH thinks we can't live in a *bubble* and that the sound/dog issue is not as bad as it was before.
Am I being too cautious or is DH being *selfish*? I want what is best for my son of course, but there is no way to know what will happen until we are in the situation. WWYD? Have you had issues like this?
OH, the other thing is that MIL is terrified of flying and so this puts another burden on US to go there! Ugh.
This has been going on for about a year. He had OT and did a listening program that really helped. BUT...about a year ago before we knew that he had ASD we took a trip for about a week and stayed with my MIL. She has a small yippy dog who barks at *everything*, and this really traumatized poor DH. IT made a lot of the visit very stressful. My DH and myself were very upset about it b/c it upset DS.
Here we are a year later, and DH wants to *brave* another visit there. I think that it could be stressful again, yet DH thinks we can't live in a *bubble* and that the sound/dog issue is not as bad as it was before.
Am I being too cautious or is DH being *selfish*? I want what is best for my son of course, but there is no way to know what will happen until we are in the situation. WWYD? Have you had issues like this?
OH, the other thing is that MIL is terrified of flying and so this puts another burden on US to go there! Ugh.
1 - 8 of 8 Posts
I agree with Finch, the dog needs to go somewhere else or your DH can go without you. We also have an ASD child and we very much limit our visits to my ILs. Their house makes my son bounce off the walls. We did the Wilbarger Protocol, The Listening program and he is in OT every week. That has helped alot but still when he starts to bounce, we leave. It is just not worth the heartache to my son to force him to stay when he so obviously needs to move and they have no space for him to play and bounce safely. So for us, it is an environmental issue but it is easy to have the dog not be there when you visit.
That should be a condition that your MIL agrees to before you hop on a plane. If she seems hesitant, send your DH alone (either stay in a hotel while he visits or stay home). You will only have to do that once for your MIL to understand and accept that the dog is an issue.
Good Luck!
Doreen
That should be a condition that your MIL agrees to before you hop on a plane. If she seems hesitant, send your DH alone (either stay in a hotel while he visits or stay home). You will only have to do that once for your MIL to understand and accept that the dog is an issue.
Good Luck!
Doreen
I don't know if your son would go for this, but my dd uses big noise blocking headphones in her classroom at school at times when the other kids are making too much noise and bothering her. I believe that Bose makes some. They look like those big old black headphones that we used to plug into the stereo years and years ago.
My dd is very distracted and bothered by loud noises, but is probably better able to compensate since she isn't also dealing with ASD and she also does not have tactile sensitivity, so having something on her head doesn't bother her too much. I don't know if the same would hold true for your son, but it is a thought. Boarding the dog does seem like an easier fit for him, though, so that he wouldn't have to go around with big headphones on his head all day!
My dd is very distracted and bothered by loud noises, but is probably better able to compensate since she isn't also dealing with ASD and she also does not have tactile sensitivity, so having something on her head doesn't bother her too much. I don't know if the same would hold true for your son, but it is a thought. Boarding the dog does seem like an easier fit for him, though, so that he wouldn't have to go around with big headphones on his head all day!
Thank you all for your input. Good suggestions! I agree about boarding the dog. My guess is that she will not want to do that, which really annoys me! I could be guessing wrong, but I know the way she is about the dog (KWIM?) The last time we were there my DH asked her to at least get the dog away or in another part of the house and she got kind of pouty and defensive and said that "barking was his job b/c he guards the house" It really made my blood boil.
Anyway, I said to DH please ask your mom if she would put the dog somewhere else if we visit and that request remains to be seen!
Anyway, I said to DH please ask your mom if she would put the dog somewhere else if we visit and that request remains to be seen!
Man, Essie, I just don't get grandparents like that. My MIL would do whatever we asked to accommodate ds, just as long as we VISIT!! Of course my MIL is a saint and I love her to death. All the grandparents have been great with ds and his special needs and quirks. They bend over backward to accommodate us.
Dang. Tell your dh to grow a spine, and no visit unless poochie boards elsewhere. Your ds is waaaaaaaaaay more important than a dang dog. This is coming from the owner of a small dog that barks anytime someone comes to the door, so I totally know what you mean about the whole barking thing. My MIL has 2 shi tzus that are YIPPY, but thankfully ds really likes dogs.
Dang. Tell your dh to grow a spine, and no visit unless poochie boards elsewhere. Your ds is waaaaaaaaaay more important than a dang dog. This is coming from the owner of a small dog that barks anytime someone comes to the door, so I totally know what you mean about the whole barking thing. My MIL has 2 shi tzus that are YIPPY, but thankfully ds really likes dogs.
for kids with sensory issues that dog barking can be sheer pain, not a loud noise like a normal person might hear it...or the sweet chatter of a poochy woochy..
I have SID, if someone was making one of my noises constantly I would be driven to the point of melt down...last winter our neighbours 2 boys under 20 whose parents rented them the house to get them out of theres... anyhow I couldn't relax, I couldn't sleep cause I never knew when I'd be assaulted by their videogames on full blast (machine gun fire at 2am...2pm when the kids are going down for a nap) and its a noise I cannot filter out...buses, firetrucks no issue.... but machine guns, people chewing gum, tappy tappy noises....
but SID isssues aside its normal to react to a barking dog, we are all 'animals' for a dog to bark out of the blue sets off many things in our brains and bodies...none good. and a child can't reassure himself he's barking not at danger but at the mail man...
Tell MIL that your son's fear of dogs has reached a level at which your dog could not be there when he visits period, it would be too much stress on him. So she can have someone watch the dog while you visit or she can fly out to see you (or take the train?)
I hate it when people choose their dogs above their people family.
*besides that dog shouldn't be barking so much - lol offer to have it debarked or a barking collar (kidding) but she could train the dog not to bark...its not that hard. Dogs are smart and she can do it....
I have SID, if someone was making one of my noises constantly I would be driven to the point of melt down...last winter our neighbours 2 boys under 20 whose parents rented them the house to get them out of theres... anyhow I couldn't relax, I couldn't sleep cause I never knew when I'd be assaulted by their videogames on full blast (machine gun fire at 2am...2pm when the kids are going down for a nap) and its a noise I cannot filter out...buses, firetrucks no issue.... but machine guns, people chewing gum, tappy tappy noises....
but SID isssues aside its normal to react to a barking dog, we are all 'animals' for a dog to bark out of the blue sets off many things in our brains and bodies...none good. and a child can't reassure himself he's barking not at danger but at the mail man...
Tell MIL that your son's fear of dogs has reached a level at which your dog could not be there when he visits period, it would be too much stress on him. So she can have someone watch the dog while you visit or she can fly out to see you (or take the train?)
I hate it when people choose their dogs above their people family.
*besides that dog shouldn't be barking so much - lol offer to have it debarked or a barking collar (kidding) but she could train the dog not to bark...its not that hard. Dogs are smart and she can do it....
Quote:
Shiloh-----thank you
totally totally totally agree with you. I like the way you phrased the *script* to MIL so it makes it all about DS and not how SHE is being about her dumb dog (I don't like him either). I mean, what excuse would be given if he bites someone?
Originally Posted by Shiloh for kids with sensory issues that dog barking can be sheer pain, not a loud noise like a normal person might hear it...or the sweet chatter of a poochy woochy.. but SID isssues aside its normal to react to a barking dog, we are all 'animals' for a dog to bark out of the blue sets off many things in our brains and bodies...none good. and a child can't reassure himself he's barking not at danger but at the mail man... Tell MIL that your son's fear of dogs has reached a level at which your dog could not be there when he visits period, it would be too much stress on him. So she can have someone watch the dog while you visit or she can fly out to see you (or take the train?) I hate it when people choose their dogs above their people family. *besides that dog shouldn't be barking so much - lol offer to have it debarked or a barking collar (kidding) but she could train the dog not to bark...its not that hard. Dogs are smart and she can do it.... |
Shiloh-----thank you
totally totally totally agree with you. I like the way you phrased the *script* to MIL so it makes it all about DS and not how SHE is being about her dumb dog (I don't like him either). I mean, what excuse would be given if he bites someone?
1 - 8 of 8 Posts
- This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Mothering Forum
A forum community dedicated to all mothers and inclusive family living enthusiasts. Come join the discussion about nurturing, health, behavior, housing, adopting, care, classifieds, and more!
Full Forum Listing
Explore Our Forums
Recommended Communities
