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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm planning a VBA2C, probably at home (with a different attendant this time.) I'm sure I have some emotional issues to deal with over the first two births--planned homebirths turned c-sections. I don't think I have the patience to sit down and talk to a therapist. (Did that for a few sessions over a decade ago to deal with some issues and I don't think it helped. I found the whole thing uncomfortable.) What else can I do?<br><br>
I want this birth to go smoothly and part of that may be letting go of the sorrow/regrets/blame I have for the loss of my natural births the first two times.
 

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I have heard that birthing from within has excersises on this stuff, even ones about releasing fear. I would like to try that since I have similar issues from my c/s. What I have found really helpful is ICAN's yahoo group. Lots of women there to listen (well read actually) and help you sort things out and give support and advice. Its really helpful just to have women who understand how you feel and who have been there before, and have a safe place to let it all out. Check out plus size pregnancy.com and look under emotional recovery (or something like that) good stuff there.
 

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I wish I had some advice, but really I'm just posting because I can relate. 2 1/2 years later and I still can't get over my section. The fact that I can't find a supportive OB or MW is doing nothing but rubbing salt in the wounds. Just last night I undressed to get in the shower and I found myself looking at my scar in the mirror and crying. It's like all the pain and frustration is coming back with this pregnancy. I really hope you find some healing.
 

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I feel ya mama! I had to sections and it still haunts me. All this cutting needs to STOP! iTS INSANE.<br><br>
If you like to visualize and meditate there is a book by Shatki Gawain called Creative Visualation(sp). It explains how to clear bad energy and heal. It has helped me a lot. She also has a workbook for when you are done with the book that helps too.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>sparkysgirl</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11577211"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I have heard that birthing from within has excersises on this stuff, even ones about releasing fear. I would like to try that since I have similar issues from my c/s. What I have found really helpful is ICAN's yahoo group. Lots of women there to listen (well read actually) and help you sort things out and give support and advice. Its really helpful just to have women who understand how you feel and who have been there before, and have a safe place to let it all out. Check out plus size pregnancy.com and look under emotional recovery (or something like that) good stuff there.</div>
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Thanks for all the good advice. I keep hearing about Birthing From Within. I'll finally pay attention and read it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>CalliesMomma</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11577797"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I wish I had some advice, but really I'm just posting because I can relate. 2 1/2 years later and I still can't get over my section. The fact that I can't find a supportive OB or MW is doing nothing but rubbing salt in the wounds. Just last night I undressed to get in the shower and I found myself looking at my scar in the mirror and crying. It's like all the pain and frustration is coming back with this pregnancy. I really hope you find some healing.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I'll pray for healing for you too.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Chakra</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11577974"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I feel ya mama! I had to sections and it still haunts me. All this cutting needs to STOP! iTS INSANE.<br><br>
If you like to visualize and meditate there is a book by Shatki Gawain called Creative Visualation(sp). It explains how to clear bad energy and heal. It has helped me a lot. She also has a workbook for when you are done with the book that helps too.</div>
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Thank you. I'll look into it.
 

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I second Birth from Within. My local ICAN did a birth from within birth story workshop and it was so healing for me. I also spoke with a counselor for about a year and a half. I found one that did her masters research on PTSD and cesareans (and had previously been a doula and bradley teacher as well). I know that it can be hard to find a good counselor, but really just because it didn't work for you the last time, doesn't mean that it wouldn't be helpful, if you could find the right counselor.
 

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I found that my prenatal visits with 2 very birth friendly hands off home birth midwives helped immensly. I also went to an OB but it was my hour long midwife visits that I loved. I attended a birth circle with other women who trusted the birth process.<br>
Coming here and my ddc helped. I read a lot about birth, Ina May, Birthing from within.
 

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I found ICAN very negative and not at all about supporting women who have issues with prior C-sections. So did my friend in Canada. We keep saying we should start a Yahoo Group for women who need support.<br><br>
that said, I found "Silent Knife" - the 25? -year old book about the silent cost of C-sections, very helpful in my healing. It has a chapter on healing from your CS, and it moved me more than I can tell - in the right direction.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>DanAbimytwomiracle</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11628325"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I found ICAN very negative and not at all about supporting women who have issues with prior C-sections. So did my friend in Canada. We keep saying we should start a Yahoo Group for women who need support.</div>
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Really? How so? I thought that was their whole objective?
 

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Several women have said that the tone of the ICAN list has changed in the past year or so though it seems to be the same since I joined 18 mo ago. There is now a list called ICANBirthingWomen that is specifically for support and not used to discuss/debate things. I'm not sure if you have to join the big ICAN list first or not...
 

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sorry that the ICAN list wasn't as supported as you ladies needed it to be. I also suggest trying the ican birthing women list. Its smaller and more directed towards support, somehow the main list has become a place for debate
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>sparkysgirl</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11630130"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">sorry that the ICAN list wasn't as supported as you ladies needed it to be. I also suggest trying the ican birthing women list. Its smaller and more directed towards support, somehow the main list has become a place for debate</div>
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How do I get on this list? I emailed my local person listed on the website and I have never gotten any response. Any suggestions?
 

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Here's the link to the yahoo group - you'll have to follow the directions to sign up:<a href="http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ICANBirthingWomen/?v=1&t=search&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=group&slk=8" target="_blank">http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group...ec=group&slk=8</a>
 

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My experience with ICAN (and they saved my life when I was dealing with the emotional aftermath of my c/s) is this:<br><br>
1. They DO support moms who've had c/s. In fact, I've never seen anyone who's come to the list looking for support around their c/s greeted with anything but warmth and sympathy. If you've had a c/s you will get lots of understanding and if you want it. They may also try to help you figure out whether your c/s was truly necessary or not... and what you could do differently next time... if you want that. If you tell them you don't want to hear any of that... and you just want support... most of the posters will respect that.<br><br>
2. However, one of their goals at ICAN is to help prevent c/s. So, if you get on the list it's important to know that moms will try to help you avoid a future c/s. Sometimes, this means they'll question your fears for upcoming births... they'll make you take responsibility for your choices... and they may ask you to take a hard look at your birth team choices. Not to personally insult you in anyway, but to help you avoid a future c/s. Many of the list members have been there a long time, and they can be upfront and honest in their replies. This may come across to a new member as rude at times... but to those of us who've been on the list for a while, you know it's meant with love.<br><br>
If you're emotionally sensitive, then tell them what kind of support you need. From what I've seen, they will respect it. I've seen them respect moms' decisions to have repeat c/s (but not without questioning first, and making sure the mom was 100% comfortable with her decision).<br><br>
The main ICAN list has a lot more political banter on it than it did a while back. I like the newer, smaller list meant just for moms who are in birthing and postpartum mode.<br><br>
Hope this helps! Please give the ICAN list a while... it ebbs and flows, depending on the nature of the posts... it will take a while to get the feel. I've learned to skip the posts that don't appeal to me or seem argumentative, and focus on the ones that have helped me build my confidence and learn a TON.
 

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Here is the link for the main list, if anyone is interested in that one. <a href="http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ICAN-online/" target="_blank">http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ICAN-online/</a>
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>jr'smom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11576243"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm planning a VBA2C, probably at home (with a different attendant this time.) I'm sure I have some emotional issues to deal with over the first two births--planned homebirths turned c-sections. I don't think I have the patience to sit down and talk to a therapist. (Did that for a few sessions over a decade ago to deal with some issues and I don't think it helped. I found the whole thing uncomfortable.) What else can I do?<br><br>
I want this birth to go smoothly and part of that may be letting go of the sorrow/regrets/blame I have for the loss of my natural births the first two times.</div>
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Thank you for posting this question. I, too, hold a lot of regret and blame. I also am not sure talking to a therapist is what I need. I guess I feel like they most likely won't understand. I was just asking my husband last night about what I should do to begin healing, emotionally, from my second c/s. He is a great listener but his only advice was to take things one step at a time....whatever that means!! I read Birthing from Within while preparing for my VBAC but I should go back and see if it has anything helpful for me now. I'm afraid I'll never want to get pregnant again because I won't have resolved my hurt. I'm afraid that my emotions will inhibit and possibly prevent me from having a successful VBA2C. I'm afraid that I think too much and too deep about it.<br><br>
For me, the biggest helps have been talking to others who I think understand my perspective and reading VBA2C birth stories! Those are so inspiring to me because I feel like they were once where I was with 2 c/s and they did it!. Anyways, I hope you find the best path to healing for you and that you are able to gestate in peace!
 

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My experience with ICAN in Puerto Rico has been not so great. I emailed the chapter leader and asked her when the next support group is. After over week she finally responded. The next support group meeting is not until end of August and not in English. Then I emailed her asking her if she knows of a psychologist I could see that speaks English and she never responded. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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Have you gotten your birth records mama? I spent a full day crying over my birth records, but felt it was just what I needed to regroup and move forward with my plans. I needed to know that it would be different, ykwim?<br><br>
I also second Birthing From Within, and Silent Knife.<br><br>
Also just asking for support here and with other mamas who have been through a traumatic birth was extremely helpful to me.
 
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