Well, first is finding someone who will sit with you for longer than 5 minutes and be interviewed. I found this to be much harder than I expected, but gave me a really good idea of who had the time/made their patients a priority, ya know? Most providers are referred by the insurance company now, and they are not 'chosen' by the family, so I found that a lot of offices were confused on why i wanted to talk to the doctor without having a medical problem. it's also a lot more common for them to work in a large practice (and you are the practice's client, not the doctor) and that they are so busy that they just can't get to know each family. I feel really, really lucky that i stumbled onto our pediatrician, and have yet to find a family practice MD who has given us the same level of respect. D.O.'s have a better track record, at least in my area, since their philosophy is more "whole person" than just treating an illness.
All that said, once you get in for an interview, I would ask them what their thoughts on issues are, before giving them yours. They can easily nod and smile when you say you want to delay vax's and then guilt you later, but if they come out with their opinion first, you are more likely to hear their true thoughts. You can do the same for issues you are concerned about - asking "What is your protocol when an infant has a fever? When do you advise parents to come in/medicate? What if my child has recurrent skin rashes? My brother had ear tubes as a kid, what experience do you have with diagnosing ear problems, and when would you advise surgery?" You're not really listening for their precise answer, but rather, their philosophy. You'll be able to tell if they are a "wait and see" kind of doctor, or a "medicate it ASAP" one. You may also get an idea of where they see the parents in all of this - are you the client, or is your child? How much is your opinion/experience/intuition worth to the Dr.? (Our pediatrician, fwiw, has seen my girls a number of times because i felt like something "wasn't right", and has never given me a hard time about it. He knows that I know my children, and that he is helping me keep them healthy, not the other way around.)
All that said, once you get in for an interview, I would ask them what their thoughts on issues are, before giving them yours. They can easily nod and smile when you say you want to delay vax's and then guilt you later, but if they come out with their opinion first, you are more likely to hear their true thoughts. You can do the same for issues you are concerned about - asking "What is your protocol when an infant has a fever? When do you advise parents to come in/medicate? What if my child has recurrent skin rashes? My brother had ear tubes as a kid, what experience do you have with diagnosing ear problems, and when would you advise surgery?" You're not really listening for their precise answer, but rather, their philosophy. You'll be able to tell if they are a "wait and see" kind of doctor, or a "medicate it ASAP" one. You may also get an idea of where they see the parents in all of this - are you the client, or is your child? How much is your opinion/experience/intuition worth to the Dr.? (Our pediatrician, fwiw, has seen my girls a number of times because i felt like something "wasn't right", and has never given me a hard time about it. He knows that I know my children, and that he is helping me keep them healthy, not the other way around.)