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I posted this on another positive parenting board. I'm hoping for any advice really.<br><br>
My name is DeShanna and Im' an unschooling, SAHM to two wonderful children. Trinity is 6 and Lucien is 4. My dh and I have made the decision to stop using the same discipline that our parents used and go with PP. I even have a blog on it as I've seen great success so far.<br><br>
At least until these past two weeks. My 4 year old has really been pushing and pushing. Not responding to the reward chart or the talks and actually laughs when we get down to his level to talk with him about his behavior.<br><br>
Just recently (today), after much repetition, because I know that's key, he removed the roll of toilet paper and shoved it in the toilet. He had been misbehaving in the bathroom so we started monitoring him as a consequence which he did not like and started to behave, telling us he would follow bathroom etiquette.<br><br>
I have had a pretty bad head cold for the past few days, so my patience is very thin but I have been trying to keep my head. He went to the bathroom just as I got a call from my academic counselor (I'm a full time college student as well) and was speaking with her. Once done, I noticed he was still in the bathroom and found an clogged toilet and water all over the floor.<br><br>
I made him clean everything up and when he told me he'd kill me (he overheard one of dh's violent video games) I swatted his bottom. I felt awful. One because I lost control and two because I resorted back to my old ways. Being sick is not helping me with this. I'm in a lot of pain sinus wise and I'm tired.<br><br>
I know that he's 4 and he's at that age of being a "two year old with attitude" and soon this will pass and I also know that he's most likely bored considering we were snowed in over the weekend and with me being sick there's no way I can take them over to friends without spreading my germs.<br><br>
I'm having a bit of trouble as well with getting dh to stay on board with this. He thinks that most of it is coddling to children and though his parents spanked him, he never grew up resenting them nor is he a violent man. He learned to respect them and still loves them. He still does it with me, but thinks that if a child learns violence, resentment, and disrespect from a spanking then maybe something is wrong with the child mentally to begin with.<br><br>
It makes it hard sometimes because we both need to be on the same page if this is going to work. Even though we are not the same person. He's not against it, he just doesn't believe all of it. That being said, I feel really bad about what I did and apologized to him for swatting him. Then explained why I reacted the way I did and that what he did as well was not proper bathroom behavior. He said he understood, but I also told him that because of that, we'll have to monitor him until I feel he is being responsible.<br><br>
I'm also thinking of making up a bathroom rules chart for the kids.<br><br>
This got long, sorry about that. I'm still very new to this form of parenting and though I love it, I've seen great results, it's very hard with my dh on the fence about it most times and my 4 year old pushing the limits. Any other advice is truly welcomed. Thanks.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> to you mama.<br>
First of all don't beat yourself up. Choosing to parent in a peaceful, gentle way is not easy, for some it rolls off the tongue and they can think in the moment the "right" thing to say...for others (like myself) I read and read and read, and LOVE the concepts but in the heat of the moment the words escape me, and I feel like I am "missing" my window.<br>
I think that if you have apologized that is a great step, because it shows him that you can get frustrated too! Maybe asking him, what you can do, or what you both can do, next time will help.<br>
For example, if my son does something that I feel he should "know better" about I will ask him at bedtime, (more receptive) why he did that...he says "you were on the computer too much," so I gave him a word to tell me when he really wants my attention...and that is working.<br>
Again, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> and hang in there!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>AlishaB</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14833236"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> to you mama.<br>
First of all don't beat yourself up. Choosing to parent in a peaceful, gentle way is not easy, for some it rolls off the tongue and they can think in the moment the "right" thing to say...for others (like myself) I read and read and read, and LOVE the concepts but in the heat of the moment the words escape me, and I feel like I am "missing" my window.<br>
I think that if you have apologized that is a great step, because it shows him that you can get frustrated too! Maybe asking him, what you can do, or what you both can do, next time will help.<br>
For example, if my son does something that I feel he should "know better" about I will ask him at bedtime, (more receptive) why he did that...he says "you were on the computer too much," so I gave him a word to tell me when he really wants my attention...and that is working.<br>
Again, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> and hang in there!</div>
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Thanks for that. It really did help me from feeling like I failed somewhere. I've spoken with Dh about the games. He's going to lay off playing them unless the kids are in bed. I don't mind him playing them, but I don't want him having the violent ones going when the kids are aware.<br><br>
I'm sure he wanted my help in the bathroom with the toilet paper but I had to hear what my academic counselor had to say since I'm going to be graduating soon. I wish I could give them even more attention, but sometimes with school (especially since it's online school) I can't always give it to either child. It makes me feel bad.<br><br>
I did ask him before bed what it was we could do for each other to make this easier and he said "stop going to school mommy." Unfortunately I can't do that, I told him, but I did say that I will make sure once I'm done with my schoolwork, I spend the rest of the day with him and his sister. He agreed that would be okay and he doesn't seem to be upset with me <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 
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