Advice please

Hang in there. I guess just remember that if you're having a homebirth and you're in too much pain, you can always transfer to a hospital, but not the other way around.
One friend who had a hospital birth then a homebirth told me the homebirth was a zillion times less painful. Make sure you have a good widwife and maybe a doula to support you there. Maybe just talking to a midwife that you trust would make the decision easier.

I say you don't have to make a decision right now. What I always do is "pretend" that I have made my final choice and try to live with that for a week or two. Then I see how I feel about it. Do I still think about it all the time or have I made peace with my choice? Does it still bother me or am I content? I usually have more clarity about where my head and heart truly lie. We are still so early in our pregnancies, there is no need to make a final decision today.

One other thing I want to add - please do not be pressured into a homebirth by your husband. There is really no one as important in this decision as YOU. You are the one who is going to have to deal with the labor and birth and you are the one with the anxiety disorder to face down. YOU are not going to have the birth you want if it is not in a place you feel comfortable.

You can have a great birth in the hospital (I think second births tend to go better because mom knows what to expect and can plan ahead in her birth plan for the things she didn't like about her first birth), and you can have a great birth at home too. It's all about what you feel comfortable with, not anyone else. They do not give out\ awards for how natural or how medicated a birth you choose, and there is no reason to try to please anyone else with your decisions (be it your family wanting a hospital birth or your husband wanting it at home.)

And like another mom said, you can always do a hospital transfer if things get out of hand at home. There is no shame in asking for help when you need it.

Maybe you had some fear & anxiety that added to your pain & made it feel worse during your last birth? Maybe you wouldn't feel as much fear if you were in your own comfy home surroundings? I agree that 2nd births can be so much better because you know what to expect, AND they are often shorter. Also, if there is any way you can read, read, read birth stories (y'know, healthy, natural ones) to empower yourself & maybe decrease some of your fear of the pain & replace it with trust in your body & excitement for your approaching labor instead of dread?

I'm sorry you've had such a tough time lately. I hope you find a peaceful place & are content with whatever decisions you make.

First of all, I am so sorry you've gone through such a rough time.

I've never been through this before (this is my first baby), but I am also worried that labor might bring on a recurrence of some very scary anxiety/panic attack issues that I developed about 18 months ago. Since that time, the things in my life that were stressing me have resolved, and I've put a lot of time into building back my confidence in my mind and my body through positive visualization and affirmation, some therapy, yoga, and some extremely effective sessions with a friend who is a holistic health practitioner.

I'm definitely going to look into having a doula present during my labor and birth experience. I think having someone (in addition to DH) there to help center and calm me and remind me that my body is strong is essential for me. I will be giving birth at a hospital birthing center because I have some pre-existing health issues. But honestly, as much as I respect the idea of homebirth, I would not have one because much of my anxiety is related to health concerns; being at a hospital will, I think, make me feel more confident in my own situation. Still, I intend to have as natural an experience as possible, and I think the presence of a doula will help to faciliate that.

I'm also going to start prenatal yoga classes soon, as I noticed that yoga has a very calming and strengthening effect on my body and mind, and it's also supposed to help prepare the body for labor (especially the breathing techniques). I think this will give me more confidence.

Good luck to you. I'll be thinking about you!
K