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I have been reading the forums for a long time, but this is my first post. My husband and I have 4 children. I am homeschooling them and have been a stay at home mom since my 12 year old was born. This is something that we mutually decided. Well, not my husband is changing his tune. He says that he should have never gotten married or had children and wants out. He is very miserable and wants a different life. (Grow up, right?)<br><br>
So, my question is how do I become more self sufficient? I had my first child young and have no education past high school. The past two years we made too much to get any financial aid so that I could return to school. My husband just started a new job that has a much, much lower salary. Child support alone is not going to do it. I literally do not even have 500.00 for job training or child care.<br><br>
For those of you who have been there, help. I don't have money to see a lawyer or even move out.
 

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no real advice. just hugs.<br><br>
is a separation something you want as well? do you work (not that momming and schooling isnt work) ? Would he pay support if he left?(well...he would....the courts would make him)<br><br>
and, would you qualify for assistance if he does move out? I would assume so?<br><br>
please keep posting...
 

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Just wanted to offer HUGS.<br><br>
I know it is overwhelming, frightening, and very painful.<br><br>
One step at a time.<br><br>
If he wants out then he is gonna have to pay to make that happen. Even if you can work out asset division and parenting between yourselves, you are going to have to get legal advice so you know your rights.<br><br>
He should pay toward you each consulting a lawyer independently.<br><br>
Now you can't make him ...<br><br>
So, I guess you can look into legal aid. Or borrow from family for a lawyer.<br><br>
Once you are a "single mom with no income" you will qualify for all kinds of financial aid for school etc. And there is public assistance for low-income families.<br><br>
If he has had a good job with benefits you will be entitled to a portion of his retirement. He will be obligated to keep the children on health insurance. Also, if you own your home you will be entitled to a portion of the equity presuming the divorce requires a sale.<br><br>
Ok, one step at a time. Find a way to talk with a lawyer and get some good advice. Start reading some books on children and divorce. Start thinking/planning/dreaming about what work you can do to support the family and start looking into schooling options for your children as an alternative to homeschooling if finances necessitate.<br><br>
Hugs,<br><br>
M
 

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This is kinda what happened to me was a HSing mama and SAHMama always I was 19 when we got married and NEVER had a job. My local unemployment office helped me get daycare for the kids for $30 a month at the time I wasn't working and sent me to classes and helped me get a job. I am now in a great job that I love with an AMAZING boss. I also went and applied for state aide I got $578 a month in foodstamps and $50 cash assistance ( not much but it covered the daycare). Things are still ruff BUT we are making it. We don'thave cable or internet at home or even a home phone for that matter and we have a VERY old minivan and things have totally changed from what we were use to BUT we are making it none the less. I am still not getting childsupport did the papers for that over a year ago now and once I get that we will be better off but like I said my kids have food and a house and the things they need. Grandma and Poppy get them the wants when they see them. My parents were an amazing help when I was first left high and dry. Ex is around for the kids and will put food in the house but that is the most he does. I bite my tounge and bear with it as he does pick the kids up from daycare everyday as I don't get off in enough time to get them and he keeps them at my house until I get home and if I need him to keep one of them during the day because they are sick he can b/c he works nights. I try to stay civil for those reasons and so my kids can have their daddy in their life but it's hard at time when I see he has a new car and I'm driving this crap ( sorry car I mean your the best you never leave us stranded good car good car LOL). Sorry to vent LOL kinda in a bad mood about him right this second. Anyways check state aide and unemployment office for help.
 

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do you still want to be a SAHM and Homeschool? Or do you want to transition into working and schooling?<br><br>
This stuff sucks, doesn't it?<br><br>
Right now I'm an unschooling, single, W/SAHM. I'm doing childcare in my home. Not ideal by any means, but I'm home with my kids again, and I can homeschool them. Just wanted to say it CAN be done.<br><br>
hugs, mama.
 

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Just wanted to send you a hug and welcome you to the forum. I am so sorry you are going through this.<br>
I think you do need to find a way to get some legal advice 1st off. Can you call legal aid or can a family member give you money for a consultation?<br>
It seems to me that if he wants out, he should move out, not you and the kids. And while he may want a whole new life, you don't get married and have 4 children and walk away with no consequences. You need to find out what your rights are.<br>
Also... where are things right now? Is he still at home?<br>
You should seriously consider looking at everything financial that is in both of your names. You need to protect yourself and your children at all costs. You should probably go to any joint bank accounts and take out money and deposit it into an account in YOUR NAME ONLY and make sure he cannot get access. I know that sounds harsh. But many of us on this forum have been left penniless by husbands who we thought would never do such a thing. It is entirely legal to take money from a joint account, so he would get away with it most likely. As will you if you get there 1st. You are the one responsible for the children he wishes he never had. You need that money.<br><br>
I know this must all be overwhelming. Hang in there.<br>
Hugs to you.
 
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