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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've only been working 15 hours a week since having my dd. When I'm at work, she's with DH. Next month I'll be moving across the country to take the CA Bar exam. We'll be living with my mom. DH is coming out a month later. DD will be in daycare all day 5 days a week and with my mom while I study on Sat. I didn't realize how scared/guilty/nervous I was about all of this until today when I was paying for her daycare deposit and started crying. I am so afraid of how all of this upheaval will effect her. If anyone has any positive stories about returning to work or putting their kid in daycare, or any advice about dealing with all of this, I'd love to hear it. Oh, she'll be 10 months when she starts.
Thanks!
Meagan
 

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My daughter doesn't go to daycare, but I wish I could financially justify signing her up for one sometimes, at least a day or two a week! My friends whose kids are at daycare have an absolute blast. They do art projects every day from tiny infancy, and play outside on the playground every day, and sing songs and play games all day long. Of course, this is all stuff I could do at home... but I don't really get around to it nearly as much as I should, kwim? I always have far too many excuses (too cold to go outside, too messy to bring out the paints, please for the love of god not that same book/song for the 10,000th time today as DD yells "more! more!"... I'll do all the good stuff tomorrow.)

The trick is just to find a good daycare. I just read a book that I recommend (though if you're studying for the bar you might not have a ton of time for leisure reading... make DH do it!) called Buy Buy Baby. The last few chapters are all about daycares, and might offer some things to look for and to look out for.

Sorry I don't have personal experience to share, but I saw this on the 'new posts' page and wanted to say that the right daycare can really be a great experience: I see it all the time with the children of my friends who work.
 

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My only expereince with Daycare was an in-home daycare six hours a week for DS (and he was 100% happy and well-cared for). But I can tell you a real eye-opener I had when I was in law school. I was talking to my two friends who were about to be married (both law students). Both were super-sweet people. Both were top 1/3 of the class. Both just all-around attractive, well-adjusted, sociable people. They were talking about how they as children had been picked up at school by the daycare bus and went to daycare for a couple hours every day after school their entire lives. I was kind of shocked b/c I had always had a prejudice against daycare--like it would scar a person for life. I was wrong.

I can tell you that you are not making an unreasonable decision. The bar is awful. I lost 15 pounds while I was studying for it (and I didn't NEED to lose any). I think it would be better for you to have your baby cared for so you can concentrate on studying, and then you can concentrate on baby after daycare every day.
 

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I have three the same age right now... but, until recently, I had just the two. A boy and a girl. Close in age. And, complete opposites.

http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b3...ox/June004.jpg

They have adored each other since they could crawl. They would crawl all over the house following each other. They would go to the front door and put their feet under the screen together and look at each other, then laugh. They crack themselves up.

They have SOOO much fun together. They get in SOOO much trouble together. Neither one can talk, but they have a weird language that they understand. Kinda like Rugrats.
 

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What a wonderful gift to both yourself and your baby to have the opportunity to care for your child full-time for these first ten months!

That said, everything will be fine. My daughter started full-time daycare when she was six months old and I had to go back to work. She has always gone to a huge daycare center, but the staff showers her with individual love and attention, and it has made her blossom in a way that I would not have been able to accomplish on my own. She is by nature an introverted reserved person. The daycare encouraged her to be a little more outgoing, and she is happier for it. A good day care is very, very good.

I'm not an attorney, but I think I remember reading once that the CA bar exam is one of the toughest in the nation? When my sister took the CA bar exam, I remember that she reviewed intensively, and she was single and without children. I know that I personally couldn't effectively study for something like this during naptimes.

I think it is fantastic that grandmother will take care of your child during Saturday while you study. When I went back to work, I not only had to work in the daytime, but also during the night time as well. So when my husband got home from work, he would pick up the baby from daycare and take care of her until I got home at midnight, and then we both had to leave for work again at 7 the following morning. Father and daughter developed a special bond during infancy that remains strong to this day. So it's a matter of perspective. If you think of this as depriving yourself of a few hours with your daughter, you will be miserable. If you think of it as allowing grandma/dad to forge the beginning bonds of a strong relationship with your child that will last a lifetime, then I hope that you will feel good enough about it to be able to concentrate on your studies.

I wish you luck.
 

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My youngest two started daycare at around 6 months. The first was just a SAHM and the 2nd was a bigger montessori center they still all go to. There is an adjustment period but it is a LOT quicker if they are going every day rather than a couple times a week, and now my kids all are so excited to get out the door each morning to go to "school" and babble about all the fun things they did that day.

The PP is right in that your child WILL bond with other people, and I think that's a wonderful thing for children to do, with the right daycare providers you're just introducing more love into your child's life.
:
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks everyone. It really helps to hear that daycare was positive for some babies. I like what someone said about this being an opportunity for her to bond with her grandma too. I really appreciate the responses!
Meagan
 

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I'm glad to read these too.

My sixteen month old starts full time next Wednesday, and while I've been trying to get her integrated bit by bit... it hasn't really worked out that way.

So I'm nervous to see how it's going to go.
 

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Both our children started at around 9-10 months at the daycare at our university. It's great! We are super lucky and our kids barely even fussed about this. They have wonderful teachers and they make great friends and do fun stuff. My daughter is only 15 months old but she and her buddy definitely know each other and play together. You should see how they react when we get together outside of school hours. Adorable.
 

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I'm an attorney who passed the CA bar (although I studied for and took it long before DH was even in the picture). I WOHM FT at a law firm. My DS went to daycare at 3 months. He loves it. The two teachers in his room are very close to the children. They do such fun things with them and he gets to socialize all day long. I do wish I had more time with him sometimes but I know that daycare is also teaching him very valuable socialization skills as well as giving him the opportunity to do things I would never get around to doing. Sometimes I think he's better off in daycare than he would be at home with me. I mean there he eats a huge variety of foods, takes longer naps than at home, gets to do art projects . . . the list goes on and on.

Your DD will do great! It may take a little adjusting but assuming you've chosen a good place, she'll get the hang of it quickly. Really, I often think we project our concerns - she'll be fine, so you should be too.

Focus on the bar. It's tough! Study hard and remember that you're broadening your DD's horizons, which is always a good thing.
Good luck!
 

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I agree with the others. Your DD will adjust quickly and she'll be a social butterfly before you know it! It really is harder on the momma than it is the baby.
 

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My DS started daycare at 4 months old and is 22 months old now. He loves his daycare and has almost since the very beginning. I really think he has learned a lot socially and developmentally from his provider and the other kids. It was hard on me at first but we settled into the routine pretty quickly. Good luck, you'll do fine!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by tripleaces View Post
There is an adjustment period but it is a LOT quicker if they are going every day rather than a couple times a week,:
:

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShwarmaQueen View Post
I Your DD will adjust quickly and she'll be a social butterfly before you know it! It really is harder on the momma than it is the baby.

:

I have put my dd in a daycare and have run an in-home daycare for 8 years now. (I'm writing this on my laptop as I sit in a darkened room keeping a couple of little ones company as they fall asleep, actually.)

Based on my experience as a parent and as a provider, I can say that it will definitely be harder on you than on her.

The first week that my dd was in daycare, I sat in the lobby of the building with my homework and cell phone. They never needed to call and I never heard her crying. I spent part of the time writing a 7 page letter to my dd telling her how much I loved her, how hard the changes in our lives were for me, and how I was doing it all for her. I wrote to her about what our future would be like and what my dreams for her were. I still have that letter, and when my dd is a mother, and facing a similar journey, I will give it to her.


One thing you need to have, though, is a plan for if she comes down with a cold bug or something while in a new state, new daycare. I assume you would be able to keep her with you for the day.

Is there any way that your mother could do the drop-off in the morning? I have noticed that the morning dropoff can be the hardest moment for moms and babes, and it goes easier for everyone at the start if dad or someone else can do that.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Aubergine68 View Post
I have put my dd in a daycare and have run an in-home daycare for 8 years now. (I'm writing this on my laptop as I sit in a darkened room keeping a couple of little ones company as they fall asleep, actually.)
I must be feeling emotional, because just this part is making me choke up. Even though I've been told that it's mandated that toddlers who need assistance to get to sleep, will get it (rocking, back rubbing, etc.) - I'm still nervous for my sixteen month old to start tomorrow. So thank you!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Ceinwen View Post
I must be feeling emotional, because just this part is making me choke up. Even though I've been told that it's mandated that toddlers who need assistance to get to sleep, will get it (rocking, back rubbing, etc.) - I'm still nervous for my sixteen month old to start tomorrow. So thank you!


You're very welcome.

My own dd was 16 mo when she started, and she was a nurse-to-sleep no-pacifier baby. She definitely got the attention she needed -- lots of backrubs.

Her teachers were amazing. I know she was one of the harder ones to care for in that group and they really bonded with her.
 

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It took some adjustment for my son, but, he loves daycare now and he loves his friends (he is 23mos, and there are two 20mos, a 3yo and 7yo-school holidays) and he was sad not to go today...he actually tried to walk there lol. I think the routine is good for him, and he is learning a lot from the other children.
 
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