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I'm looking for some advice I can pass along to a friend. I have been talking to her a lot about GD lately and she largely practices a very gentle type of discipline but I don't think she has entirely ruled out spanking as a last resort. She called this evening to ask me what to do about her 21 month dd who has started spitting/drooling all over herself when having a temper tantrum. She's not spitting at her parents just mainly on herself as a way to express her frustration. She's at a loss of how to deal with it and her husband wants to spank in response to this particular behaviour. So I told her to give me the night to think about it and I'd call her tomorrow.<br><br>
So far I've suggested that she definitely not spank but just treat it as another method of having a temper tantrum. As Lillie has learned that screaming, kicking, crying doesn't get her way she is trying another tactic. Please note that this mom is very good at warding off potential temper tantrums and is very attentive/responsive and doesn't make issues out of little things. The tantrum is likely in response to something like "no you may not take the dirt out of the plant pot" or something like that. Her home is very toddler friendly and she gives her dd ample opportunity to explore.<br><br>
So, what would you do?
 

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If she is doing it to heself while having a tantrum, I would try to ignore it and then simply wipe up her face when she has finished - no point making a big deal out of it when it isn't harming anyone but merely a way of her venting some of her anger/frustration. I save intervening for behaviour that is hurtful or harmful to people or objects.<br><br>
When my little ones were older and tried spitting AT people when they were angry we repeatedly reminded them that spitting is for sinks, not for people. When someone was angry at a sibling and started spitting, we would say something about them looking like they wanted to brush their teeth and they usually cracked up because obviously dental hygeine was the furthest thing from their mind at that moment! It took a little while - maybe a month, but they don't spit at each other anymore. thank goodness!
 

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So far I've gone with the ignore thing. That was kind of what I was thinking anyway - especially because Lillie ends up hating being "messy" after she's done it so I think that is enough of a natural consequence to discourage it. This morning my friend said she told her no spitting but was later thinking that she's better off to just ignore it altogether. Oh, and apparantly she's not only doing it during temper tantrums but just anytime that she's upset - like today when she caught her fingers in a door! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
Thanks for your help, I'll be back if she's looking for further advice! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 
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