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I don't know if this is the place to post this...<br><br>
Advice needed. How do you get over childhood problems. Like mine is anger. I've thrown plates and phones, clocks... you name it. I used to hit, etc. For the last 4 years I have done an incredible (I'll pat myself on the back!) job of overcoming my anger and not acting in an angry manner. I talk through my anger, cry when I need to, and get to the root of what is bothering me. IOW - I have been doing healthy productive things instead of lashing out.<br><br>
But with my dd I can feel it all coming back. Here's an excerpt from my <a href="http://captivatedlife.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">blog</a>:<br><br><span>My daughter brought us home from church at 10:30 due to her excessive crying. I'm sure everyone else understood (it's a family service so that sort of thing is common) but I couldn't handle it. She sleeps like a log for 3 hours and wakes up at 1.00. At 3:00 she starts crying again. I'm in the middle of scanning pictures into my computer - something I told my mom I would do in NOVEMBER. So I'm stressed out and she is inconsolable. I try nursing her. I try lying down with her. I look for those long blinks that signal she's tired. She keeps on screaming.<br><br>
I scream right back at her.</span><br><br>
How do you get over that sort of thing. YK when you scream at a 2 month old for crying. Thoughts advice????
 

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sorry you are having a bad day<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
I think it is great that you see where you have a problem, (with the anger) and good for you for trying to vent or get it out in a constructive way.<br><br>
It can be very frustrating when the little one seems inconsolable. This will pass. I can't tell you how many times i have been in the middle of something and had to stop to attend to one of the kids. It is a matter of perspective and letting things go. You can only get so much done in a day. Don't be too hard on yourself.<br><br>
If you feel like you are going to loose it, then you need to take a break. even if you need to leave your dd in a crib for a few minutes or a swing or any other "device" then maybe that is what you need to do until you can collect yourself again.<br><br>
I found wearing my daughter was most helpful in the early months and she really just wanted to be with me and her dad all the time.<br><br>
No one is a perfect parent. I know I feel awful if i do loose patience with my kids. You are not alone. I hope you have a better day!<br><br>
Kathleen
 

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I also had major anger issues through life, so destructive that I felt overwhelmed and out of control, I successfully destroyed some good relationships through my anger and unhappiness. I had a difficult early childhood and have rejection issues also. Its only over the last 5 yrs or so I admitted to myself that I've been depressed, sometimes pretty severely, my whole friggin life. My childhood was not secure, happy, loving and I guess my behaviour could stem from that. I fear so much and panic a lot. I'm learning to control these feelings. Having a screaming infant can seem to threaten the calm that you have gained, like there's something wrong and your peace is shattered but being a parent can be about learning new ways to cope with our feelings and it's an exhausting time at 2 months, so you need to look after yourself and know that its just a wee baby needing mamas comfort and loving, not someone trying to bring you down intentionally. Instead of feeling like your probably small amount of 'free' time is being taken away just learn to accept that this is how it is for now, it doesn't stay that way forever. We can't have our peace and quiet when we have dc well not often anyway, just hold and love your dc, she will take comfort from your calm and don't worry. They grow up real fast then you are left wondering where it all went. Try not to overwork yourself doing chores and stuff, do stuff you like when you can, but be more than prepared for multiple interuptions! Take babe out for fresh air everyday, assuming you live in a fresh air friendly zone, to help get beter sleep, you really have to make the most of your time as it's so taken up with looking after a babe. Try not to feel like you don't matter anymore and you can't do half the stuff you used to, you get that time back at some point. Feel secure and happy that you will bring your dc up to be loved and cherished, take a deep breath or 4 or 5. Eat good food, do yoga and massage with baby, babies love massage and it helps to relax them. Get someone to massage you if you can, I never managed that! Sometimes you can't stop babes from howling, assuming nothings amiss or teething's started, all you can do is comfort them, and comfort yourself by knowing you are handling it well. I know I could have done with a break back then but it wasn't an option, ever. Can someone trustworthy help to give you a break now and then?, too many moms are isolated with small dc and desperately need a break to recharge.
 

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Hi! You might want to check out the Personal Growth Forum and <a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=394579" target="_blank">this thread</a> for support. You're not alone <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>captivatedlife</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7654025"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Advice needed. How do you get over childhood problems. Like mine is anger. I've thrown plates and phones, clocks... you name it. I used to hit, etc. For the last 4 years I have done an incredible (I'll pat myself on the back!) job of overcoming my anger and not acting in an angry manner. I talk through my anger, cry when I need to, and get to the root of what is bothering me. IOW - I have been doing healthy productive things instead of lashing out.</div>
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Anger issues that have been going on your whole life may be undiagnosed depression. I don't mean the kind of depression brought on by bereavement, severe illness, job loss, or other life-changing events. I'm talking about clinical depression that is caused by a permanent chemical imbalance in the brain.<br><br>
You definitely need to get evaluated for depression. If this is indeed you problem it won't go away by trying to work through issues and controlling your behavior. If there is a physiological it is treatable and proper treatment will change your life.<br><br>
In the meantime you could make some diet changes and get on a sports or exercise program that pushes you physically. You might start off with daily running. Get a jogging stroller so your daughter can come with you. Babies and toddlers just love being along for the ride. Or take up a sport that basically just involves bashing the heck out of a ball.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> - i am sorry you and your precious dd are having a difficult time
 

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I would call my mom and tell her I'm sorry but I won't be able to scan the pictures. Is your baby high need and colicky? That kind of baby will push buttons on the most patient of us all. It's hard. When your baby is going through a fussy phase, then you really need to shelve other projects. It doesn't last forever (though I swear it lasted for 9 months with dd). I often put her down in the crib and found a spot in the house where I couldn't hear her to decompress when the crying just became too much. I've never been angry person - I'm generally highly optimistic, go with the flow, etc. But I've been scared sometimes by my reaction to my baby's fussing. When I feel that feeling coming on, I have to get away for a minute, even if it means baby will be unattended for a minute. I can totally see how babies get shook!
 

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I never would have thought, until ds hit toddler-hood, that I had anger management issues, but what do you know--it turns out that I do. The discussion thus far seems *primarily* about psychological management, and that's hugely important. But I've found it very, very helpful to just try to pinpoint what kinds of factors lead to me being angry and try to work around them. Here's what I've discovered so far (and keep in mind that this is very much a work in progress):<br><ul><li>I am most likely to get angry with DS if I am already angry with myself. If I feel guilty for putting off a task, or if I'm behind on my responsibilities, or if I've just made some parenting goof, I'm much more likely to lose at the closest opportunity. Because of this I'm trying harder than ever to stay on top of things--but also to forgive myself when I don't.</li>
<li>I'm doing what I can to take care of myself physically. That may be difficult given the age of your dd, but I'm doing my best to get LOTS of sleep, eat well, avoid sugar, exercise, etc.</li>
<li>I've been eating raw liver. Seriously. Check <a href="http://www.dougwils.com/index.asp?Action=Anchor&CategoryID=1&BlogID=3698" target="_blank">this thread</a> out: It's not a miracle cure or anything, but if your beliefs permit it, you might try it--if not, you might try one of the alternatives discussed.</li>
<li>We (because this takes the whole family) work hard to make sure I get necessary breaks. I'd rather have lots of short breaks that are very clearly scheduled than long breaks that happen randomly (i.e., nap time), so that's been a priority for us. You may want a different schedule.</li>
<li>It's taken me some time to realize this, but I have an addictive personality when it comes to reading and internet time. Others may have this with other media. I HATE being called out of my head in order to deal with the minutiae of the day, and when this happens I tend to feel resentful, and guilty for feeling resentful, and so. . . (see #1). I've really been limiting my internet time, and I've been steering clear of the kind of all-absorbing reads that make me escape reality--unless I know I'm going to have some uninterrupted time to devote to them.</li>
</ul>
 

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Wow, I can really relate to what phroggies wrote, especially the last blurb. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent"> There are times when I can feel an angry explosion coming on and I feel powerless to stop it, like watching an imminent train wreck.<br><br>
I just checked out "The Anger Habit in Parenting" by Carl Semmelroth from the library and I can really relate to a lot of the situations in it, I haven't finished it yet though.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Thanks for all the replies. I checked out the parenting and rage thread and really learned a lot from that. DH and I are going to try to write down some of my biggest triggers - dishes dirty, other responsibilities, people coming over... etc. And deal with each as they pop up. Today's been a good day. tomorrow may not be... or it may be. I'm trying to deal as each day comes.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/thanks.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thanks">
 
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