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My 3.5 yo has been spending most of her days recently mad and crying. She's full blown mad if for example someone goes down the stairs when it is not their 'turn' (before her) or we want her to get dressed. Everyday we hear that she wants a new mommy and daddy and that she wants to throw her brother in the trash. She tries to ride him as he crawls and then is upset when we don't allow it. When she gets upset I don't know what to do. If I try to hug her she screams at me to not touch her. She would nurse (as long as I didn't touch her) but that isn't always something I feel comfortable doing in most situations. She has been going through many changes. We've moved, sharing attention with her little brother, probably so much more I don't realize. I know (hope) it will pass but I would LOVE some advice in the mean time. TIA!
 

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It sounds like your DD is stressed by a lot of change and her feeling like she needs to be controlling things/structuring things (like she has to be in charge of who goes down the stairs). Maybe you could set up life with some sort of structure for her, so she could feel more secure. That's really vague... I'm sorry. An example would be: same wake up time every day, same breakfast, 2 outfits to pick from for clothes, 2 activities to choose from for the AM. Some choices, so she has autonomy, but not so many choices and changes that she feels overwhelmed and struggling to control it all.<br><br>
For her upset times, I guess you just have to pick something and go with it for a week or two, and if that doesn't work, find something new. You could talk with her when she is not upset to see if she has any ideas about how to handle it. I'd say sitting by her and waiting for her to calm down would be an option. Offering a lap and a hug, but just standing by if that isn't her thing.<br><br>
I'd call her on the way she is talking to/about family. She knows she is saying hurtful things. I wouldn't make it a fight in the heat of the moment, but I would explain gently to her that we are a family and we need to choose loving words with each other (that is how we talk about things with my 3 yo). It is okay to be upset, and there should be a way for her to express that safely, but pillow punching or something else would be much better IMO than name calling.<br><br>
HTH<br><br>
Tjej
 

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Discussion Starter #3
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Tjej</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/13488059"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">It sounds like your DD is stressed by a lot of change and her feeling like she needs to be controlling things/structuring things (like she has to be in charge of who goes down the stairs). Maybe you could set up life with some sort of structure for her, so she could feel more secure. That's really vague... I'm sorry. An example would be: same wake up time every day, same breakfast, 2 outfits to pick from for clothes, 2 activities to choose from for the AM. Some choices, so she has autonomy, but not so many choices and changes that she feels overwhelmed and struggling to control it all.<br><br>
For her upset times, I guess you just have to pick something and go with it for a week or two, and if that doesn't work, find something new. You could talk with her when she is not upset to see if she has any ideas about how to handle it. I'd say sitting by her and waiting for her to calm down would be an option. Offering a lap and a hug, but just standing by if that isn't her thing.<br><br>
I'd call her on the way she is talking to/about family. She knows she is saying hurtful things. I wouldn't make it a fight in the heat of the moment, but I would explain gently to her that we are a family and we need to choose loving words with each other (that is how we talk about things with my 3 yo). It is okay to be upset, and there should be a way for her to express that safely, but pillow punching or something else would be much better IMO than name calling.<br><br>
HTH<br><br>
Tjej</div>
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will try making things more predictable for her. i did tell her that we don't throw people in the trash. thanks for the advice.
 

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From age 3.5 to 5 yo we had a lot of bossiness, tantrums, "I hate you"s, etc. from DS. He was highly emotional and volatile. He also hated to be comforted when he felt angry but he also didn't want to be abandoned. One thing I found that worked was finding as many times as possible during the day to offer hugs and snuggles. The more "touch" time we had, the smoother his mood swings were. If I was hurried or tired or distracted and forgot to give that undivided attention, the worse the mood swings. Also we have found that making sure he gets enough omega 3 and 6 each day makes a differences in his emotional state. We have recently rediscovered this and it has made a huge difference for him at school.
 

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My DS freaks out about things like who goes down the stairs first, too! I thought he was the only one. I try to play along with it as much as I can (allow him to control silly little things so i can control more important things) and I also try to figure out when he's going to want a little control and play games with him, like do you want to be the leader? Or should I be the leader? BEFORE he gets all bent out of shape about someone going down the stairs first. It can be a little tiring, but it does make things go smoother and he seems to enjoy it.
 
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