Advice with playing with neighbors..PLEASE

497 Views 6 Replies 4 Participants Last post by Caroline248, Apr 10, 2006

Caroline248

Discussion Starter · Apr 9, 2006

We live in a development with TONS of kids. I love it here. My kids are 11, 7, 4, and 19 months. I do let them play outside in our yard without me out there, but I rarely let them just run to different neighbors houses unless I can be outside as well. Simply because several neighbors have made comments about other parents who expect everyone else to watch their kids while they have "stuff" to do in their house. I mean, all the time. Mothers who NEVER recipricate. Two in particular make coomments all the time about how they are just too busy to stand around outside and chat...even though we are there because we are SUPERVISING the kids. Since I don't want to be one of THOSE mothers, I made the rule they stay here if I can 't go out as well.

Anyway...my kids are now rebelling against this. They don't understand why they can't go to someone elses house whenever they want like certain other kids. I have tried to explain that is rude, but they just don't get it. I ended up having a yelling fight with my 7 year old today because she was crying hysterically that is it not rude because so and so does it.

Long point would be ...how do I handle this? I am tired of my kids whining they have noone to play with and they want to do____________. And I am also tired of having to watch two or three other familys kids all the time while the mother "gets" to clean, cook, etc without interruption...

~C~

Save

1 - 7 of 7 Posts

blessed

· #2 · Apr 9, 2006

How about if you allow your kids to go play for limited periods of time, so that you know that the other parent isn't being overwhelmed? Maybe for an hour, for instance. Set a time limit to return home and if they haven't then call the other house or drop over to retrieve them. That would give you the chance to touch base with the other parents as well and get feedback on whether your childrens visits are intrusive or not.

I'll bet most parents don't mind short visits when they know the other parent is keeping tabs. Likely it's the kids who seem to hang out all day with no supervision who are the problems.

Save

fek&fuzz

· #3 · Apr 9, 2006

I don't remember any parents ever supervising us outside at age 7 or 11 (yes for the 4 yo or 19 mo). Does someone actually need to supervise, or is the play such that you could just leave an ear open for problems, and tell the kids you are available if they need you.

It sounds like you are one of the parents who supervise, so you shouldn't feel guilty or prevent your 7 yo from going to her friends house. If the other parents don't want kids playing in their yard they can send them home. They don't need to gossip about the parents who don't supervise.

Maybe you could have your daughter call her friend first to make sure it's ok to come over. If other parents send their kids to play in your yard, and you are busy, you can either not supervise them or if you feel like you need to but are busy, send them home because you are busy and tell them to have their parents call first before they come over.

Save

Twocoolboys

· #4 · Apr 9, 2006

Have you considered having a neighborhood meeting with all these moms? Maybe just phrase it as a time to get suggestions on how to best keep the kids supervised and not a time to point fingers. Just a thought.

Save

Caroline248

Discussion Starter · #5 · Apr 10, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by fek&fuzz
I don't remember any parents ever supervising us outside at age 7 or 11 (yes for the 4 yo or 19 mo). Does someone actually need to supervise, or is the play such that you could just leave an ear open for problems, and tell the kids you are available if they need you.

It sounds like you are one of the parents who supervise, so you shouldn't feel guilty or prevent your 7 yo from going to her friends house. If the other parents don't want kids playing in their yard they can send them home. They don't need to gossip about the parents who don't supervise.

Maybe you could have your daughter call her friend first to make sure it's ok to come over. If other parents send their kids to play in your yard, and you are busy, you can either not supervise them or if you feel like you need to but are busy, send them home because you are busy and tell them to have their parents call first before they come over.

It is not the 11 or 7 year old as much as the 4 year old. And it is not really gossip, but an annoyance sort of thing. LIke why does that particular mother treat the rest of us like babysitters?? And if we send that child home, she doesn't get to ever play with other kids.

I am definatly going to have her call the one girl down the block to see if she can play. I guess at 7 I should start letting go a little, and I know that particular house is "safe".

~C~

See less See more

Save

Caroline248

Discussion Starter · #6 · Apr 10, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by blessed
How about if you allow your kids to go play for limited periods of time, so that you know that the other parent isn't being overwhelmed? Maybe for an hour, for instance. Set a time limit to return home and if they haven't then call the other house or drop over to retrieve them. That would give you the chance to touch base with the other parents as well and get feedback on whether your childrens visits are intrusive or not.

I'll bet most parents don't mind short visits when they know the other parent is keeping tabs. Likely it's the kids who seem to hang out all day with no supervision who are the problems.

And I am guessing the ones who come without snacks or drinks..maybe I can start sending my kids out with snacks for everyone when I can't amke it out. Being pregant with a 19 month old, I feel like other parents do so much more than me right now.

And I love the time limit thing. I can even change it to say "You play there for an hour, then you all can come here for an hour". That sounds like it may work.
Then we can all get a break from time to time.

~C~

See less See more

Save

Caroline248

Discussion Starter · #7 · Apr 10, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by Twocoolboys
Have you considered having a neighborhood meeting with all these moms? Maybe just phrase it as a time to get suggestions on how to best keep the kids supervised and not a time to point fingers. Just a thought.

I think that the parents in question would be the ones to not show up...them being so busy and all.

~C~

See less See more

Save

1 - 7 of 7 Posts

This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.

Top Contributors this Month