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After loss - TTC vs. adoption

625 Views 6 Replies 6 Participants Last post by  EFmom
Hi mommas,
I'm just wondering if anyone else struggled with the decision to start TTC again after loss, and if you had also considered adoption. All I know is that we want a family-it's just that after losing our son I'm not sure how I want to go about it. We were able to get pregnant very easily with Cole, I just don't know that I could handle being pregnant again. Dh and I are both very open to adoption. I'm just looking for stories from others who have decided one way or another. Also, since this is the pregnancy after loss board...did you know right away after your loss that you wanted to start trying again?
Thanks for sharing.
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Rebecca, just want to send enormous
s to you. I will be thinking about your little Cole.
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We knew right away that we would try again, but we do not have any living children. I think it would have been a much tougher decision if we already had a living child.

Still, knowing a few women who decided to not try again, I think it is very healing to have a subsequent pregnancy and a baby who lives (which is what I hope will happen for us).

It's such a personal decision. I have looked into adoption a lot. I had a fear that I would not get pregnant again after our loss. I think I keep it in my mind in case we lose this baby too. I think that twice would be too much for me.
You'd think after 5 m/c's that I'd be done ttc! lol

After the last one my husband said he was done and it left this emense hole in my heart. When he changed his mind 4 months later I was relieved. Now we've both decided not to put limitations on the size of our family and that m/c is part of the sacrifice in trying for a child so for the moment I'm still willing to go through this again. But I've been thinking a lot about adoption - my girlfriend is in the process of adopting (she has 4 boys already and has never had a m/c) so that's part of why it's been on my mind I think.
We had always planned to adopt, at least one little one, and then to our shock, in the fall of 02 discovered I was pregnant. Then discovered that the baby had a non-survivable heart defect, and then miscarried - about 16 wks(pregnancy was closely followed because of rheumatoid arthritis, thus the actual knowledge about the heart defect).
At that point we decided that adoption was THE solution, finished the paperwork May 03, and brought our daughter home from the hospital, 36 hrs old, in Nov 03.

Now to our astonishment, and with no "trying" or planning, I'm 12 weeks pregnant - and petrified. However, having Riley to chase makes it harder to freak out and obsess about the pregnancy, and so far the ultrasounds look great. So I have my fingers crossed, but if anything happens to this babe - Riley is here, and boy does she keep me busy!

I would reccomend that you explore ALL your options, trusting that the more information that you get, the better decision that you can make for your family. Good luck, let me know if you have any questions I might be able to help with.
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I had several early mc, and my gyn could never give me a reason. I finally went to an RE and had a work-up with still no answers. I did a couple of cycles of Clomid, (got pg again, miscarried) and he wanted me to do injectables. I hated this doctor with a passion, but he was the only choice with my insurance. I also hated every minute of the IF treatment. I never really believed it would work and to me it felt completely wrong. (This is no reflection on anyone who is involved with it--it was just wrong for me.)

We thought about what was important to us, and it was parenting. I didn't give a hoot about being pg or giving birth. We knew a bunch of people who who had adopted internationally very happily. I knew that there were kids out there in orphanages who needed parents, and we wanted to parent. It was a very easy decision to fire the RE and pursue adoption.
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