[Emilie]

Today was ds's 1st b-day. I have been planning on taking him tommorow to this state park with a lake and a beach. Dh has played along and said cool. Until tonight. He say's oh- I might have to work- which is a lie.
He is a little overweight and embarresed of himself to go to a beach. Which I am no peach to look at right now either. I said just wear a t- shirt- no one will care.
He got really mad and say's taht it will probally rain anyway. I had bought food to take and my mom gave us money and everything.
He continually does this to me. It is like he can not do anything remotely fun.
He is almost 28 years old. He says ds will not remember his b-day- but I say but I will!
Oh he really pisses me off. I feel bad for him in a way- but another get over it... This is your son!
Emilie

 

[singermom]

Sorry, mama...I go through this a lot with my DH (just today, in fact--we're currently having a tiff about whether or not he will join the girls and I to meet some friends of ours at a little fair nearby).

Does your DH have a history of depression at all? Mine does--which is often what drives these things. And he hides behind the work excuse all the time. He takes medication for it, which helps keep his moods on an even keel, but his basic persona has what I call a "depressive attitude." If any of this rings true to you, that might be what's going on.

I try to set the expectation for what I want DH to participate in and what I'll let him slide on. It's basically about picking my battles (and your son's 1st birthday is one that I would definitely pick). I know the kinds of things he's usually going to refuse to do, so I just decide how important it is for me to have him with me. If he goes and is a grump, that is no fun, either.

Good luck,

Mia

 

[cappuccinosmom]

Wow, so sorry. He could just wear regular clothes and not even swim, if he's that concerned.

But I think it's good you feel bad for him--it doesn't sound like something personal against you, but him acting out the bondage he's put *himself* in. Poor guy is making himself miserable and ensuring himself an unhappy life. I wonder what's down deep that makes him feel like he can't enjoy things?
Counselling for y'all would be a good idea, I think.