[Wugmama]

If all else was equal, would you go for the 22 yr old nanny or 45 yr old nanny for your 4.5 yr and 8 month old?

~Tracy

 

[GooeyRN]

If all else was equal, the age would not matter to me at all. I would look for something else to sway me.

 

[muckemom]

I'm 22 so... this may sound weird.

I would go for the older nanny... purely selfish reasons... I want to be the "cool" woman in my DS's life... and, because I am an extremely jealous person, 22 year old? Around my hot husband? No thanks

In all seriousness, 22 is awesome, but I want an older, more experience woman watching my kiddo.

 

[StrawberryFields]

Quote:

Originally Posted by GooeyRN If all else was equal, the age would not matter to me at all. I would look for something else to sway me.

:

 

[NannyL]

(24 year old nanny here.)

If literally all else is equal, then age shouldn't matter.

But some factors to consider:
Does one have more experience than the other?
Are the potential nannies willing to be there long-term, for consistency?
Which one did you feel you "meshed" better with?

 

[ecoteat]

I was a nanny when I was 22. The mother of the kids once said to me that she prefers young nannies because she thinks it's weird for an older woman to make a career out of taking care of other kids in their own homes rather than having her own life. I'm not saying I agree with her completely, but I think I see her point. Personally, though, I think I would go with a younger nanny too.

 

[dawncayden]

I would definatly go for the younger...all because they are not so 'stuck in their ways'...if you tell them you want your babe carried in a sling, they are most likely going to be like "oh ok sure" but someone a bit older might think it's 'not normal' and just have them in the stroller, just because 'they know better'
Maybe also cuz I'm 25, and I was a great nanny

:

Dawn

 

[odenata]

Well, I was a nanny at that age (22), and I realize looking back that while I was a perfectly good nanny, I wasn't nearly as good as I would be now, after having my own child.

So if the older woman had children of her own, I would probably go for her. Otherwise, I wouldn't care.

 

[Kavita]

I kind of agree with everyone on here! I think it sort of depends on the individual and the situation, especially someone's motivation for being a nanny and their overall career ideas and their personality, and how well that meshes with your desires. For example, a friend of mine who's a WAHM just hired someone for 20 hours a week to watch their 2 month old, and they had placed an ad and gotten lots of responses. They got a lot of older women with grown or older kids, but in the end they chose someone younger who was a college student or grad student because they felt more comfortable with someone who had a college education (they both have advanced degrees.)

Do you want that person to be with your for a long time, or is it more of a temporary situation? Do you want someone who is self motivated more with the kids (in terms of style of care, activities, etc.) or who takes your direction more? Is it more important to have someone nurturing and calm, or more energetic and playful?

 

[RainCoastMama]

We've been in this hiring situation. We chose the younger one because of energy levels, 'freshness', and she was not stuck on her own ideas of parenting rather than someone who'd BTDT and was fixed in her ways. The older person we did hire we ended up firing a week later because of crazy baggage. (See my post in nanny thread in this forum). HTH

 

[MelanieMC]

Well, I'm 20 and I was a nanny for the past year. I think if all else was equal, assuming that the 22 yr. old had experience with children of those ages, I would go with the younger one. More energy, less like to have physical/health problems, etc.

Also, as a pp mentioned, the younger nanny would accept the way you raise your children more. If I was asked to do something a certain way, I did it. I would tell my mom about some of the things and she would say "I'd never do that!" (she's 46). So, I think a 22 yr. old is more likely to sling wear, gentle discipline, etc., when asked to. I know it's not always the case, but most "older" ppl are more stuck in their ways and would probably handle things they way they think it should be, even if it goes against what you have told them. Just my 2 cents!

 

[mosesface]

i was also a 22 year old nanny (as well 20, 23, and 24 year old nanny). i'd had experience taking care of little ones for more than half my life as my baby brother was 10 years younger and i worked in the nursery at church all my teenage years, but what truly set me apart from the older applicants was exactly what others have said here -- i was really able to take instruction from the parents and learn to care for their child as they wished. the only preconceived notions i had were changing diapers, rocking, holding, and bottle feeding!

and the best part was that i got to really learn from those parents. being entrusted with someone else's baby made me so careful and attentive and truly shaped my views on parenting.

i would go for the younger one, if all else is equal. if you feel you can trust her and that she is teachable, you will do wonders for your family and probably hers too.

 

[lilyka]

I would go with the younger person.

first of all there is advantage to inexperiance sometimes. as a mother I "know" how kids should be raised. I have nannied since having children (I was about 22) and quite honestly I did things my way.

Also would her kids be comeing with her. pay being equal I would rather someone who could focus entirely on my children. I am guessing you are paying a premium to have someone taking care of yuor children exclusively. if her kids weren't comeing with her I would have issues with someone who could put thier children in childcare to take care of someone elses. Also this is your child care. it isn't like she can work overtime tomarrow and catch up if she has to take a day off for sick kids. if her kids are sick someone has to take care of them (her) and that will either leave you with no daycare (more so than someone whio just has to keep themselves healthy) or mean her having to bring sick kids to work with her. bad all around. so all else being equal I wouldhave to go with someone who didn't have thier own kids. i know know it is not fair and I feel terrible but honestly. thats what I would pick. sorry

 

[flapjack]

No opinions, just a story.
Back in 1977, my mum had me the year after she made history by being the first female headmistress of a secondary school in our county. This was a big deal for her, and so despite loving me to little bits, she decided to keep working. A friend and colleague's parents were having a hard time financially, as his father had been off work ill for many months with emphysema (he was a miner) and they were struggling to cope financially- this family had 5 children at that point, the youngest of whom was 16. Three were still at home.
And so, the mum of this family came to be my nanny. And she was AWESOME. Whilst being respectful of my parents, she showed them what GD looks like, how it works, how to get a small girl to put her toys away and I had a lot of fun with her. We joke that I became the 13th grandchild (she made it to 19 in total, and 10 great-grandchildren including my boys before she died) which was a big deal for an only child, experiencing a big extended family.
And yes, I had a very traditional upbringing. She didn't wear me, but I spent most of the first year of my life (clingy baby) in someone's arms, and her kids were breastfed. So it really can work.

 

[Kavita]

Quote:

Originally Posted by flapjack No opinions, just a story. Back in 1977, my mum had me the year after she made history by being the first female headmistress of a secondary school in our county. This was a big deal for her, and so despite loving me to little bits, she decided to keep working. A friend and colleague's parents were having a hard time financially, as his father had been off work ill for many months with emphysema (he was a miner) and they were struggling to cope financially- this family had 5 children at that point, the youngest of whom was 16. Three were still at home. And so, the mum of this family came to be my nanny. And she was AWESOME. Whilst being respectful of my parents, she showed them what GD looks like, how it works, how to get a small girl to put her toys away and I had a lot of fun with her. We joke that I became the 13th grandchild (she made it to 19 in total, and 10 great-grandchildren including my boys before she died) which was a big deal for an only child, experiencing a big extended family. And yes, I had a very traditional upbringing. She didn't wear me, but I spent most of the first year of my life (clingy baby) in someone's arms, and her kids were breastfed. So it really can work.

That's great that it worked out like that for you! But I also wanted to just point out that her being your "fictive kin" grandmother logically sort of extends to being your mother's "fictive kin" mother or MIL--and you do say also that your parents were in a learning role with her. From most of the posts I read on here, most of us are pretty set in exactly how we want to do things in terms of raising our kids. Half the threads on here are people fuming that their mothers or MIL's or other mother figures dared to comment on their parenting practices, or that they fed or wanted to feed the children something that they didn't approve of, or interacted with the children in a way the posters feel is inappropriate, etc. And a lot of replies tend to read along the lines of "YOU are the parent, YOU make all the decisions, I wouldn't let that person in my life/my child's life." So sometimes having a kindly grandma trying to impart wisdom of experience is not taken well! (And I can relate to that, because I feel the same way about some of the advice or my mother/MIL/older next door neighbor, etc.) Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable in that dynamic, it would be hard for me to be as assertive about my parenting choices in the face of someone who is older like that especially if they have already had children that they had raised, unless they happen to be that rare breed of person who either totally shares my belief system on raising children, or they are totally zen-like and neutral--since I'm still in process of learning my own parenting style I find it harder to take advice from the "been there/done that" crowd on some matters. Part of that issue is that you are that person's employer and supervisor, and generally it is a more comfortable situation in the work world for both the supervisor and the supervisee if you are a bit older and/or have more experience in the field than the person you're trying to supervise! (Reminds me of a movie, whose name I don't remember, where Kevin Spacey is a middle-aged executive who gets demoted when his company merges and mid-20's guy played by Topher Grace is brought in as his new boss, and later starts dating Kevin Spacey's character's daughter. All sorts of interesting dynamics . . . it was a good movie!)

But I'm also of the opinion that love matters a lot, and that is one of the things that I would look for above all in a caregiver, is someone who could/would form a loving bond with my child. For me, that counts for a lot and there is wiggle room on some other things! But then again, I don't flip out if someone occasionally feeds my 6 month old a McDonald's french fry or a bite of cake either, even though I wouldn't choose to feed her that kind of stuff as long as it's not actually an immediate choking hazard or allergen or something, it's more important to me that she has a good relationship with that person than to make a fuss about some of the details. Sounds like your nanny was a really loving person in your life and it was a wonderful situation for you, flapjack!

 

[Korimomto2]

first I agree with the pp who said that they would not feel as confident/assertive regarding their parenting with the older nanny. That would Totally be me! I'm such a pushover regarding my parenting practices when my mom is here (not that she's bad...it's just the little stuff as far as I'm concerned). Also, depending on how active your 4.5yo is, I'd be thinking the younger she is, the more energy she likely has.

 

[Wugmama]

Thanks for the input. I have an interview lined up on Sunday with the 45 yr old nanny on Sunday, and am trying to set up interviews with a few of the 20ish nannies as well. As near as I can tell from her extensive resume, the older one has no children of her own. On her profile, she specifically put she does not believe babies can be spoiled. On the phone, I told her my baby needs to be rocked/walked to sleep, not put down. She said, "Oh, when you call my references you will find out I'm a baby rocker".

Guys, I am in a state of pure terror here. My mom has been taking care of my kids since my dd was 5 months old. She is more than likely starting a job on Sept 5th. I am so afraid my 8 month old will become the victim of shaken baby syndrome. He has a horrible, high-piched loud scream when he is upset, and can be very hard to comfort. I used to work full time but dropped to 3 days a week, and was paying my mom $200 for a 3 day week, which had made things tight for us. With the nanny, we will slowly move towards being in the hole. But I cannot see sending baby to day care with 12 babies and 3 adults. We live in a very nice home, and are frantically trying to get it on the market and buy a much smaller house so I can have the chance to be a SAHM. We cannot make our mortgage payment without me working.

I'm so conflicted though. I have a great job, got a 3 day week which is very rare in my industry, I may never replace this job. I hope a score a GREAT nanny and can keep working 3 days per week - it seems like such a great balance.

~Tracy

 

[lilyka]

wow. your mom charged you $200 for three days? harsh.

the 45 year old sounds nice. lots and lots of people have wonderful experiances with nannies. they just don't make the news.

I am sure this could work out well. as for the cost, I have no help for you. we are toying with the idea of a live in who would be willig to trade part time child care for room and board (which would amount to about $100 a week for 15-20 hours of childcare while children are sleeping). but I am just not sure.

 

[flapjack]

I get what you mean, Kavita: the problem with our MILs isn't that they have children of their own, though. The problem is that they have different opinions to us.
Tracy, don't panic. It'll all be OK. If you're seriously worried about shaken baby syndrome, though, you need a nursery so the members of staff have some respite there if ds gets too much for them to handle safely.

 

[mimid]

I got the younger nanny who has no kids yet and no immediate plans for them so that 1)she isn't around sick kids and bringing those germs to my preemies and 2) doesn't need time of to do mom things for her own kids (they are sick and staying home, partent-teacher confrence, appointments, etc.)

As for whom we hired, the girls were screaming an dhungry when the 4 ladies and agency guy arrived (late) and this gal not only asked t help, also asked where to wash her hands and I had to ask the others to wash. She is very calm with them and doesn't seem flustered by their crying. In fact, she laughs and jokes with them as she calms them and 1 has that panicky high-pitched cry. If you can, stay home with them a couple days to see how she handles him.