[mom2ee&b]

I am sure this has been posted a millon times before so please forgive me. My ds is 22 months, my friends ds is 19 months. The boys are together to play often and sometimes it turns into an ultimate fighting match! We are at a loss as to what to do. I have always thought, just say ouch, lets not hit/bite that hurts and redirect. The problem is this just does not seem to be working. Should I just continue this until it stops or is there something else I should be doing? My dd (now 8) never did this! Thanks so much!
Tabitha

 

[DevaMajka]

When you redirect, are you redirecting to an activity that honors the original impulse?
In Becoming the Parent YOu Want To Be, they make a distinction between redirection and distraction- redirection is related to the activity at hand. That way they can continue expressing that impulse, but in an acceptable way. Distraction can be anything, just to get their attention away from what they were doing.

For your kids, I'd say to make sure you redirect to something related. If they are fighting because they are angry, tell them other ways to express their anger- roar like a lion, make a mad face, clap their hands hard, whatever. Also, let them know how to express what the problem is- if someone won't move out of the other's way, remind him how to say "MOVE!" in words or sign language.
That was a big one for my ds, with the dogs. I told him to make a stop sign with his hand, and yell for me to help. It made a huge difference.
If its just playing that got out of hand, I'd say to redirect to something physical. Do you have pounding toys? (but I'd be careful- I'd not want to redirect an angry child to hit something else). Or balls?
I've never had the situation you have, but my solution to everything is to redirect in a way that honors the original impulse. lol.

 

[straighthaircurly]

I like the ideas presented above but I also think we tend to step in too quickly a lot with kids. If it going to keep escalating or someone will get hurt badly then by all means stop it, but otherwise let it play out a bit to see how they are going to handle it.

When my ds played with his best friend, who was an even match, the other mom and I would allow them to do a bit of tussling as long as noone was too likely to be injured (no biting allowed). That is sometimes how boys best work it out, especially before they can communicate in other ways. I only do this if the other mom is agreeable. There are plenty other times I can continue reinforcing other ways to handle disagreements. I am so sad they moved away to Oregon last month

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