[funfunkyfantastic]

Ok, so this should be a lesson to all of us out there HAVE YOUR PHONE LIST POSTED WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE IT!!!!!

I guess my friend went into labor sometime today. Not sure what time. But I guess the birth was in the morning... so possibly early early morning? She was supposed to be a scheduled c-section, but had been having early labor warning signs and the docs were watching her close. She knew she could go at any time. I told her to make sure that her husband had my # handy cus I wanted to be there! Well, I guess he didn't have anyone's # handy... cus I sure never got a call! I'm guessing everything must have happened real fast too... because not even the Doula was called. Seriously, I checked. We have the same doula... so i just figured I could call the doula up and find out what room she was in. Umm... the lady had no clue that my friend had even gone into labor. I was like "oops" lol. Pretty sure I wasn't supposed to be the one to inform the doula. I guess the only people that WERE informed were a couple of other navy wives. As to why they were special enough to be informed when they aren't even neighbors of the lady... I don't know. But they ended up posting that she'd given birth on an unnamed message board i'm not allowed to name (cus it's evil.) And i just so happened to actually check it today... just cus. It's amazing that I actually did check because I almost never go to that site because I dislike it quite a bit. However, it is the only way to keep in touch with the other navy wives. Anyway... so two of them know where she is at the hospital... and so far no one has told me anything!

I'd be at the hospital now begging someone to tell me where she is... if I could get there. I asked my mom earlier today if she would take me there (she's my caretaker and chauffer) and she said no, cus she has a headache. Ugh. Taking the bus there is so not an option for me right now... especially with how worn out i've felt all today. The hospital is seriously only 5 mins away too. So close... yet so far. I am forced to wait till tomorrow. And you know what sucks more? Because I don't have a room #, I also don't have a phone #. I have no way to call her and congratulate her.

What's a poor emotional pregnant lady to do?

 

[Kellie_MO4]

Well that stinks that you had to miss out on it... and that no ones telling you what room she's in (why on earth won't they? power trip?) Hopefully someone will call you soon and let you know so you can go visit!

 

[funfunkyfantastic]

Yeah, And to make things worse, this one girl goes and posts on that website saying how awesome it was that she was able to go INTO the operation room (which they would only allow 2 people into!) and how wonderful it was to witness such a birth and be part of their little family. I seriously wanted to say "F*** You!!!" lol. I remember that lady... Navy wife just like me... cept she's a chain smoker and recently had some surgery or something. I also remember her being pretty shy and or antisocial. What a labor partner. I guess I wasn't bada** enough to be part of her birth experience!

 

[sarbear]

Don't know if this is in any way applicable to your situation, but...
When I went into labor w/ds, we didn't call anyone except the doctor, my mom, and my aunt (who is a midwife and attended the hospital birth). All of my friends and some family had of course been saying for weeks "Now, make sure you call or have DH call me as soon as you go into labor", and I would just say "ok" politely. But, the reality is that when I did go into labor I wasn't thinking about anyone but myself, and the last thing I wanted was a bunch of people to show up at the hospital and try poking their head into my room or something while I labored (naturally and not very prettily) for 14 hours!

Just my personal experience. I explained this to everyone afterwards (we didn't have visitors at the hospital either b/c I just didn't have the energy to 'host' people) and they were very understanding/supportive. Until you are in that situation, you don't really know how you will feel, or who you will want there, so try to give your friend the benefit of the doubt

 

[starparticle]

Try not to take it too personally...there are many reasons she may not have wanted other people there. I can tell you are disappointed, but this is about them, not you.

I wouldn't go to the hospital unless I was invited either - having surgery and a newborn can be really overwhelming.

 

[amitymama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by funfunkyfantastic What's a poor emotional pregnant lady to do?

Wait. When she's home and settled, then call and congratulate her.

I know that I would've flipped out if a bunch of friends were trying to come see me in the hospital. If things happened so quickly that she didn't even have time to call her doula then I certainly wouldn't be upset that she didn't have time to phone friends to come pace the waiting room floor. I would feel weird knowing there were people in the building waiting for me to 'perform' so to speak. Just let her have this special time with her baby. She'll get in touch when she's ready, or you can give a quick call to see if she's up for a quick visit yet.

 

[Charmie981]

If you can't call the hospital and get her room number, it's because she asked not to be listed in the directory for privacy reasons. Respect that and give her a call after she gets home. See if you can bring her a meal or something. I know it's so exciting that someone due close to you had her baby, but remember that she's just had surgery, has a newborn, and I'm guessing she's going through all of this w/o her husband. She has her reasons for being private.

 

[funfunkyfantastic]

Actually her husband is there. What I still don't understand is why these two other navy wives were trusted in the first place and not me. I guess she was just leading me on? Why couldn't she have told me from the start that she didn't want me around... and not get my hopes all up?

And funny thing... I must be the opposite of everyone else cus I actually like to have visitors. lol. I just don't want certain ones around during my labor and those ones already know who they are. I guess i'm just not polite or whatever... I tell other people stuff right up front so there's no guessing. I guess i just can't see why other people can't tell me things up front.

I at least have a birth plan figured out... have my closest friends and my moms over to support me during labor. Then, after the baby is born I will allow there to be a temporary free-for-all where all my family can come over and visit and see the new baby... etc. Then after that... no drop ins... I want appointments. I figure If I let everyone come in right away and see the baby we all get to be excited together... etc... and then everyone can get it out of their systems and leave me be. lol. I guess a lot of people just don't plan ahead like I do... oh well...

And actually... my friend will not be able to come to my birth... I already know that. She is having back surgery very soon and with that and taking care of a baby she won't be moving or getting up or going anywhere.

 

[sarbear]

Quote:

Originally Posted by funfunkyfantastic I at least have a birth plan figured out... have my closest friends and my moms over to support me during labor. Then, after the baby is born I will allow there to be a temporary free-for-all where all my family can come over and visit and see the new baby... etc. Then after that... no drop ins... I want appointments. I figure If I let everyone come in right away and see the baby we all get to be excited together... etc... and then everyone can get it out of their systems and leave me be. lol. I guess a lot of people just don't plan ahead like I do... oh well...

I think what you may be failing to consider is that plans change. It's great to have plans, but what happens if after all that, you don't feel like having everyone around for a "free-for-all"? You would want the people who are supposed to care about you to respect and understand that.
Even if you are the type of person who is social and usually appreciates company and having visitors, giving birth and having/nursing a new baby is a very personal and private thing that you just don't know how you will react to until it happens to you

 

[MAdams]

Quote:

Originally Posted by starparticle Try not to take it too personally...there are many reasons she may not have wanted other people there. I can tell you are disappointed, but this is about them, not you. I wouldn't go to the hospital unless I was invited either - having surgery and a newborn can be really overwhelming.

soo true. I didn't tell anyone until after my son was born. I just didn't want anyone there. I thought I would invite several people before labor started too and when it happened i realized I changed my mind and wanted to be alone. Perhaps she just changed her mind about wanting you there. I would just wait until she called or informs you of her room. Labor and birth can be more overwhelming than anticipated, and this is her birth and to echo starparticle this isn't about you.

(although being bummed out is fine.. just make sure you understand that is your issue and don't act passive-aggressive towards her or her other friends because you weren't invited)