aiming for apathy, finding only humour

552 Views 8 Replies 8 Participants Last post by cheyennemama, Apr 4, 2006

Lucy VanPelt

Discussion Starter · Apr 4, 2006

I think I need advice from some BTDT single mamas.

I can't stop laughing at my ex. It's only a problem b/c it's in his face. I know I shouldn't b/c he has anger issues, but when he says certain things to me, I just burst out laughing b/c he's such a... loser.

Has anyone else dealt with this? I have truly forgiven him and I'm no longer angry with him...I think that's my problem! I just feel sorry for him and when he tries to "punish" me b/c I won't let him come to my house (or any other thing he feels I should be "punished" for), I just break into laughter. He's so petty and ridiculous, but I need to be apathetic, right?

How did you apathetic ones get there?

(this is a serious query! I feel like laughing at him is gonna bite me in the butt, since he *is* so petty and ridiculous. I sometimes find it hard to control my emotional outbursts in *all* parts of my life, not just this one.)

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RiverSky

· #2 · Apr 4, 2006

I'm sorry I don't have any advice but I can relate as I've been there before. And your post really made me laugh!!

:

I guess I do suggest one small thing, don't laugh at him in front of your child/ren.

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NinaBruja

· #3 · Apr 4, 2006

hrrm... maybe you can try repeating in your head- 'he just wants a reaction, im not giving him a reaction'

but im having a similar situation and not doing very good at it so maybe im not the best advice giver

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CalebsMama05

· #4 · Apr 4, 2006

I am having that problem. Usually when he says he'll be here at a certain time or do something or give me money.

I just repeat to myself "he actually believes this" and try to think about other things.

sometimes It works and sometimes it doesn't. when it doesn't i lie and say something else made me laugh.

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maybelle

· #5 · Apr 4, 2006

I'll be checking in for tips, as I can't seem to help myself either when stbx gets all... well, he gets ridiculous.

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trinity6232000

· #6 · Apr 4, 2006

Laughter is just one of those things that is so hard
to hide. I have a very close friend and when people
get hurt she laughs uncontrollably. Not just when
people stub their toe or trip, but get really hurt she
just laughs and laughs until she cries. It's a nervous
habit. Her bodies way of coping I imagine. She is
one of the nicest woman I know. But if she holds it
back, it just gets worse.
Which has been a problem with me when ex was still
connected to our lives. I did the same as you. He
would say something ridicules and I would bust out.
If I tried to hold it back it just flew out of me three
times as bad.
So I guess I don't have any good advice, but know
your not alone.

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Lucy VanPelt

Discussion Starter · #7 · Apr 4, 2006

Thanks for the commiseration! I'm glad to know this is pretty common.

I will try to think of other things when he talks to me. Maybe that will help.

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Jilian

· #8 · Apr 4, 2006

My ex can be crazy at times too. A lot of times he'll get fired up for no reason and just start SCREAMING and yelling at me on the phone for no apparent reason. It used to make me want to laugh at how angry he was. Now I sort of feel bad for him. I feel bad that he has to go through life with such anger. I REALLY feel bad that DS may have to witness this anger from ex.

Now that I refuse to argue with him or engage in a debate he gets even more upset. The other day we were talking about having DS evaluated for a learning disability and we had a great, effective, conversation. Then we were done, right before he hung up he started saying how I was going to live to regret getting a lawyer, how I was going to end up with nothing, and I should have just settled out of court (he offered me $8,000 which is not even half of the amount that I invested into his company with my retirement money). Then he started shouting. I was silent the whole time, I don't even know why he brought up the conversation because we were talking about DS. I ended the conversation by letting him know that threatening me and trying to bully me into submission was childish. He called me some lovely names and hung up. Twenty minutes later he called to talk about DS and acted like nothing happened. He's just a sick person, and it isn't funny to me anymore. I worry for DS.

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cheyennemama

· #9 · Apr 4, 2006

Been there! My ex is really a loon! He's told me that I have a "distorted perception of reality" and that "soon I'll understand why he's doing all this" (psychotic sh&*). I can't help but laugh at him because he's so fair GONE. And he doesn't care or want mental help. So I gotta laugh or else I'll just kill him!

Cheyenne

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