[alexisyael]

This has been on my mind a lot, cause I have a new friend who is pretty darn clueless, and she keeps saying the dumbest things!

So - what are the dumbest things people have said to you while you've been TTC (or after a miscarriage)?

Mine are the usual suspects,

"You'll get pregnant when you least expect it" (how does that happen? I'm charting! Everytime I get my period I though I was pregnant!)

"Just relax"

"Have you picked a baby name yet? Babies like names before they decide to come" (that's my mom, who's a hippie and a half!)

I don't mind the people that make predictions so much, but I just wish they would make them for this month! (My step-MIL is convinced I'll get pregnant in August for some reason).

Anway, I'm sure everyone has some peachy examples of stupid things family/ friends have said!

 

[chiromama]

Don't even get me started!!!

How about
"Maybe TTC is a lesson for your Marriage" that one really gets me..

Or...
"maybe that's why you're gaining weight.. to prepare yourself for a baby"

or...
"why are you so stressed about getting pregnant, it happens everyday..."

This is agreat one...
"oh, sorry your'e not pregnant this month... don't give up, it'll happen" as if I was going to just "give up". (oh wait, isn't giving up what gets you pregnant?)

:

I'll give you some others later.. I hear them all the time

 

[mimim]

Well I'm working on my 3rd. I have two boys, so of course I always get...

"Oh you want a girl, huh?"
"Trying for a girl?"
"What will you do if you get another boy?"

 

[chiromama]

weird double post

 

[proudmamanow]

Alexis-great idea for a thread ! I posted on the other board & then left the office & I'm only back on the computer now (as Beth is watching the Game 7 of the Stanley Cup final

)

I'll share what I posted on the pregnancy and birth loss board...

(post m/c dumb things!)

friend 1-well at least the 2nd m/c must be easier than the 1st

friend 2--at least it's easier on you because you haven't had kids yet, so you don't know what you're missing

sigh....

good diversion thread though!

 

[Jennifer Z]

Flippantly saying "oh, I am a fertile myrtle...dh just has to look at me". yeah, thanks, really cheers my butt right up.

"just relax" should be legal grounds for justifiable homicide.

after m/c "at least you know you can get pregnant, some people don't even get pregnant" Um, the goal isn't to "get" pregnant it is to have a child....7 m/cs are not "reassuring"

"you can have mine", said jokingly (wigs them out when you respond like they actually were offering them to you for adoption)

"don't think about it"

I went through 7 years of IF, so I got a tad bit bitter toward the end...can you tell. lol. I did finally get one though...I hope I get more.

 

[Laurel]

(Said by a sweet grandmother figure while patting me on the hand): "Don't worry dear, someday you'll 'learn' how to get pregnant!"

(Said by a 22-year-old expecting baby #3): "Well, we know that God will never give us a trial we can't handle, so I guess He doesn't think you're ready to handle motherhood."

(Said by my sil after I had just gotten done telling her how painful baby showers were): "Well, you just have to learn how to be happy for other people."

 

[BeeandOwlsMum]

ugh - these all make me see red.

my favorite was the gal who told me that perhaps I should take my contunied infertility as a sign that I shouldn't have kids.

 

[alexisyael]

Damn, people are insensitive!

I should try to think of a few more:

"Oh, you're *still* trying?" (At first I thought our neighbor just assumed we were going through a phase and would decide we didn't want kids when we got our heads on right -- our neighbors being a very cool, hip gay man, of course. But then I realized he was expressing shock that we weren't pregnant yet. Which, I guess just gets us back to the old stereotype that everyone has of us, that we are like rabbits and will be able to procreate easily, b/c we GIO all the time!)

And then there's the people who try to convince us that kids aren't worth it (some of neighbors who are child-free do that, as well as ones with kids!

Oh -- my sister said "Are you having sex during your period? Cause that's when most people get pregnant!" (

:

:

: Can you tell she didn't inherit the Queen of Crotch Talk genes? :LOL OK, some people do get pregnant on their period, but not *most*. I tried to explain it to her, but then I just gave up and said, "Yeah, we do..." which is true! :LOL )

Then there was the anonymous LJ poster who told me not to be sad last time I posted about how I was feeling that evening... can't figure out who it was (maybe my mom) but it irked me to no end! I am feeling the feelings, hear me roar!!!!

OK, now for sheer stupidity (but not insulting, just dumb) Mike has no clue how long we've been trying! We were talking about it last night, he was like, "Well, when we hit 6 months of trying, then I'll start really worrying..." I was like, "Honey, we've been trying nearly 8 months already!" He hemmed and hawed and said, "Well, I meant since you started ovulating..."

Not that that annoyed me too much, I just find it funny that he has NO concept of time!

Also, in the "no concept of time" category - he told me tonight that his dad said he's going to buy me a digital camcorder for my 30th birthday, in Dec. And Mike said, "Well, but if we have the baby, we'll already have bought it and then he won't need to" (so I can get another present that I want). And I said, "Honey, there's no chance we're having a baby by December..." and he was like, "Well... what if..." and then thought about it and was like. "Oh."

He's silly! But it was his birthday and he was tired and had had some wine, so it's OK!

 

[luvmy3boyz]

I think my favorite so far is 'if you have a girl we'll throw you a shower'....because Lord knows having ANOTHER boy just isn't special at all.

 

[muse]

Boy I can't believe how insensitive people can be! You're all reminding me why I mostly keep my mouth shut about my m/c's and TTC. I'm still hurt by the close friend who said after announcing her pregnancy and me expressing grief about my m/c, "don't worry, a baby will come when it's the right time". Seemingly innocuous but irritating as hell.

Another mum across the street who knows I'm TTc and have had m/c's said, after I told her I had 5 months of m/s when pregnant with Ds, "and you want to get pregnant again???"

And have yet to write back to a "friend" who I told about my m/c in december, then i got an email in april saying, "hey! hows it all going? how's life? didn't you say something about you being pregnant or something?"

:

 

[shannon0218]

Laurel!! Did you smack the 22 yr old??? Unbelievable!!
Ok, my MIL takes the cake on post m/c statements, when after attempting to tell Steve that the last m/c was God's will and him saying to her "Mom, it's great you believe that and have that kind of faith, but we don't and all a statement like that does is make us angry at "God" so please don't ever say that again and especially not to Shan" (I was in surgery for the d&c at the time-and she continued to try to argue about religion with him) So after hearing what he said, she felt it would be appropriate to then call me a couple days after the m/c and tell me that perhaps our repeated miscarriages were simply God's way of telling me we shouldn't have children prior to be being married!!!!!! So I responded with "Just why is it that God seems to be just fine with 20 yr old crack heads having babies but has issues with a couple who has been living together and is in their thirties and financially secure having one??"
She hasn't mentioned God to me since--course I have tried to avoid her like the plaque since too.

 

[chiromama]

Man, I'm glad we can all vent this crap here!!!

I love this one.. after attending a very medicated birth in feb... the mother turned to me and said "are you sure you want to get pregnant now?" as if seeing her in pain, on drugs, in the hospital would make me want to NOT have a child. ugh.

 

[Joi]

I know that you all have said it before but mine is "just relax and let go and it will happen" Well, NO IT WON'T!!!! I don't ovulate so I have to take drugs and chart. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr Somedays I feel like sitting in the dark and screaming.

 

[alexisyael]

Korin, your story reminds me about my friend, whose labour I basicalled doulaed at (without knowing what to call it then). After a hospital birth with an epidural, she turned to me and the first thing she said as she was holding her new son was, "You have to get the epidural!"

Smile and nod, smile and nod (that's how I deal with other people's suggestions I don't agree with).

When I started trying, she decided that a) she wants to come to my birth and b) I need the epidural. When I explained I'd be water-home-birthing, she was shocked!

As opposed to my sis (see her shocking comment above) who was like, "OMG, can I come to your birth? You're gonna have the birth I wanted!" (She ended up with a C-section. She was turned away by the local midwives, I'm not entirely sure why. Could be she was too high risk (being a smoker) could be her attitude was so bad, could be her disabilities (hard of hearing and major back problems from a car accident.) I'm not sure! But she ended up with a C-happy Ob-GYN who said later he never thought she'd be able to birth naturally.)