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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
It's now the ninth day of school.<br><br>
The first five days were awesome, until we decided to let dd try breakfast at school. We arrived nice and early. I spotted the principle outside and asked him if there was an aide to help dd with her money and to get her meal. I kissed dd goodbye an he took her into the cafeteria and found an aide.<br><br>
When I picked dd up from school, I asked her how her french toast was. She said she didn't have breakfast. I was not expecting to hear that at all! So I asked her some questions about what happened. She told me the bell rang and the lady took her to her classroom.<br><br>
When I got home I called the school. No one had answers for me. So I called the cafeteria. THe lady sadi she saw a little girl in the line crying- no aide...no breakfast. My five year old daughter left there to cry, lost and not knowing what to do.<br><br>
I spoke to the principle of this and he says maybe he needs to hire another aide to gelp out.<br><br>
My problem is how this is effecting getting dd to school every morning. All is well while we are home and getting ready and off to school. I walk her there. Once she can see the school and the kids waiting to go insdie is when she tries to run, she cries, screams, and holds her arms out for me.<br>
I have had to practically force her to go to school now.<br>
This never happened before the breakfast incident. Now every moring since, this is what happens.<br><br>
I just don't know how else to explain to these people that because of that one incident my child is having a very hard time with the fact that I can not be there every time she is lost or afraid or needs some basic help.<br><br>
I can't imagine how she must have felt standing there in tears with no breakfast. And I don't know if there is anything else I can do to make this better for her.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">:<br><br>
I am so, so sorry your precious, little girl had to go through something like that!<br><br>
I can`t imagine how terrible this must be for the both of you. Going to school should be a great, new experience for a little girl....<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
I have no advice for you. Just a hug for both you and your daughter. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">:
 

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How rotten!!! It's completely understandable that a bad experience like that would colour your daughter's feelings about school.<br><br>
Can you talk to the principal again? Explain that it has been some time now and that the whole mess had a significant adverse effect on your daughter and that you feel it is affecting her ability to learn. Be polite, but explain that when you're 5, feeling alone and confused is a big thing.<br><br>
See if the principal or a teacher can assist you in re-doing the morning. If you drop your daughter off for breakfast again, can they arrange to be right there and for the aide to help her all the way? Maybe she could also have a friend who she knows will be having breakfast at the school that morning, for a 'date'?<br><br>
What else has she said to you about the incident? Can you help her think of other times, at school or otherwise, when she has been able to do something 'grown-up' and felt proud of figuring out just what to do?<br><br>
What a bunch of dolts! You have my sympathy.
 

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How rotten!!! It's completely understandable that a bad experience like that would colour your daughter's feelings about school.<br><br>
Can you talk to the principal again? Explain that it has been some time now and that the whole mess had a significant adverse effect on your daughter and that you feel it is affecting her ability to learn. Be polite, but explain that when you're 5, feeling alone and confused is a big thing.<br><br>
See if the principal or a teacher can assist you in re-doing the morning. If you drop your daughter off for breakfast again, can they arrange to be right there and for the aide to help her all the way? Maybe she could also have a friend who she knows will be having breakfast at the school that morning, for a 'date'?<br><br>
What else has she said to you about the incident? Can you help her think of other times, at school or otherwise, when she has been able to do something 'grown-up' and felt proud of figuring out just what to do?<br><br>
What a doltish thing they all did, not looking out for a new little one. I know they all probably have many demands on their time, but really... You have my sympathy.
 

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How about, instead of an aide, asking the principal to hook your daughter up with a bigger kid who could help her out? You could meet up on a Saturday at the park, and have a good time together, then on Monday you could meet at the school in time for them to have breakfast together. When dd was in Grade 1, we had an awesome 12 year old neighbour who helped her get to school so that I didn't have to bundle up the littler ones. The bigger girl wasn't really ready to babysit, but she was old enough to help dd walk two blocks, and she loved knowing that she was helping out.
 

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This is a hard thing for you and your daughter! I wish these things didn't have to happen when they were so young, because it does make them worry more about trusting the process. On my 5 year old's first bus ride (two weeks ago), the bus driver "forgot" she was on the bus (even though I had filled out their bus form twice), and rode around and around with her, finally as the last child on the bus. She finally radioed in to the school to ask 'who is this child and where am i supposed to bring her?' My daughter was upset, though she's a pretty calm one. (If it had been my son at that age, we would STILL be hearing about it!) Anyway, I do think mistakes can happen without anyone planning them. She was willing to get back onthe bus the next day, and things worked out fine. I like mamabear's suggestion to 're-do' the morning the way it was supposed to go. It's kind of like 'getting back on the horse,' after you fall. It might reassure your daughter that things can really proceed according to her expectations, and that she can trust that things will happen at school according to plan. It sounds like that's what's been shaken, hence the need to reach out to you for comfort.
 

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Can you go to breakfast with her a couple times?<br>
You can show her how to do all the stuff she needs to, and you might spot a child who eats there every morning who you can recruit.<br><br>
Also, I'm a bit suspect about this principal. Why didn't he make certain she was in good hands before dashing off? He didn't need another aide to help out, he needed 1. the aide he placed her with to do her job and/or 2. do it himself! It would have taken two minutes, max, right?<br><br>
I know the fifth graders at my childrens' school have extra responsibilities they see as privlieges. Perhaps in addition to helping at crosswalks, etc, they could be assigned morning cafeteria duty. I would have jumped at that opportunity as a fifth grader.
 

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If it was my dd I would probably go with her a few times. Sorry your little one had to go through this.I am always so nervous leaving my dd with others unless I know someone will be watching her like mommy does.<br>
Sara
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Since this happened I have been giving her breakfast st home.<br><br>
I am sure the principle is questioning himself as to how awful of a job he had done with finding someone to help my dd.<br>
His explaination to me was that at 8:30 one of the aides leaves the cafeteria to go to another wing of the school to help the children get to class, so that leaves only one aide in the cafeteria. He stated that maybe he needs to hire another aide to help out. I said that was a wonderful idea and I have an application already in at the district office for monitoring so I could do the job if he decided that he needed another aide.<br><br>
This morning dd did wonderful. Yesterday she looked a little unsure, but today was a great moring. No trears and walked right in by herself.<br><br>
THe school discourages parents from entering the school because they want the children to learn to be independent.<br>
This is how Montessori was, but they never discouraged parents who insisted. I always went in to help dd with her coat, especially in the winter when she had all of her snow gear.<br><br>
The whole thing made me seriously question what their idea of what their breakfast program means to them...they say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day and children learn so much better when they had a well balanced breakfast..<br>
What does this mean when they don't help along the children who don't know wha tto do and who need encouragment during meal times?<br>
To me it sounds like they couldn't care less if anyone's child eats breakfast and maybe they are taking advantage of the program...and skimping on hiring help that they obviously need very much.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><i>Originally posted by mammabear</i><br><b><br>
THe school discourages parents from entering the school because they want the children to learn to be independent.<br></b></td>
</tr></table></div>
WHAT!? Kids that age aren' t independent. Forcing them to be is more likely to create problems in the long run. I cannot imagine being told not to go into the school. I'd be fighting that one tooth and nail and go MAKE SURE she is getting breakfast. I'm in and out of the school often and it definitely isn't discouraged.<br><br>
Could you talk to the school counselor as well about the breakfast issue? We have an awesome counselor who I talk to a lot and I know if my kid was scared to go to school because of an incident like that the couselor would talk to her if I asked.<br><br>
I'm glad your dd is feeling better.
 

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By them saying they don't want parents around raises red flags for me. That just doesn't sound right.
 

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They can discourage you all they want. But the bottom line is YOU pay their salaries and if they don't provide the service you expect, you'll be in there to straighten things out.<br><br>
Now, I'm not talking about walking the children into school and to their seats every day, but if a child is having a serious issue even walking through the DOOR, Mom can surely be ENcouraged to take an active and super-present role in turning the situation around.<br><br>
I still think the older kid idea is the way to go. Get it implemented now and keep it in place forever and ever amen. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
This also raises red flags for me too. I am definately not comfortable with this "policy"<br><br>
All parents must sign in at the main office before visiting. For the Kindergarten wing, they use a separate entance/exit for the students.<br><br>
I really think this whole system, even the issue in my other thread needs work and definatley input from the parents.<br><br><br>
Now that I have put so much more thought into all of these things, I think I need to come up with our own "gameplan."
 
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