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After dh and I had been dating for a few years, his mom's dad passed away. Dh and I (he was my boyfriend at the time) had been living together, and I had been to family dinners with his grandfather, and since he was in hospice care for months leading up to his death, had many conversations with dh's mom about him.<br><br>
His mom was very heartbroken when her dad died, and I thought that I should let dh just go to the funeral with his mom, dad, and sister and let them have day as a family, rather than have me trailing along. So I didn't go to the funeral, and they all went, spent the day together, did various things, etc.<br><br>
However, looking back on it now, I feel horrible that I didn't go to the funeral. I *think* I sent his mom a card, but I don't remember for sure. My intention was not to skip it because I didn't care - I just thought that without me they could be more comfortable as a family unit in their time of grief.<br><br>
It was a very large funeral, and to this day, my MIL will say things like "Even Bill Jones went to the funeral! Wasn't that nice of him!?!?!" I don't think she's saying it in reference to my absence, but I'm starting to think I should maybe say something to her?<br><br>
It's really bugging me! I don't want her thinking all this time that I didn't go because I didn't care.
 

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I think it would be okay to bring it up. Say it just like you have here, I'm sure she'll understand, and she'll probably be touched that you said something to her about it.
 

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i also think you should talk to her about it. she'll probably say she understands and wasn't upset about it, but who knows - maybe she'll say it did hurt her, and you'll have the chance to apologize, and she'll then know why you weren't there. it wasn't because you didn't care.<br><br>
plus, it's never too late to offer condolences. i'm sure she still misses her dad.
 

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Definitely say something, but couch it in terms of YOU, and not HER. (Don't suggest you think she might be resentful, or that you think she's been mentioning your absence. Instead, say, "I've been feeling really bad about this for years, and I want to be sure you know how I feel.")
 

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I once sent a thank you card from a wedding gift 8 years later. The person really appreciated it, though I felt like a jerk they deserved to be thanked. A funeral is different, of course, but she would probably appreciate an explanation and you might feel better too.
 

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Father's day is coming up. When my FIL died I learned that white roses meaning is remembrance and sympathy. Prehaps you could buy a white rose bush for her garden? Or a bouquet of simple white roses. I bought one rose for each family member and we went to a beautiful waterfall and each tossed it in.....with a moment alone.
 

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^ the rest of my post is:<br><br>
giving her one of the roses and explain the meaning behind it...and say that you have often thought of the two of them....
 
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