almost 4 year old still really attached to nursing

My older nursling is just 2 weeks older than your son and is also a milkie addict. I am tandem nursing him with his brother that is almost 2. Both nurse the same number of times per day (usually together, or right after each other) but the oldest son asks for it the most. Including night nursing, they nurse about 6-8 times a day. Aidan also gets very upset if denied a chance to nurse. Sometimes I try to distract him, other times I offer to let him have "ABC's milkies"- he gets to nurse while I sing the ABCs once, then he is done. I find that letting him have a little milkie time usually keeps him happy and then he can go about playing and being independent after that.

If we are out and about, I usually let him nurse before we go or in the car so that he doesn't need to while we are gone. I also don't like to NIP both of the at the same time- too much exposure.

I also can't see myself forcing him to wean, he would just be miserable. We talk about him being done sometimes, but he isn't interested in quiting. I honestly think they will wean together because Aidan seems like he is going to continue to want it as long as he sees his brother getting it.

Sorry it's so stressful for you right now, I definitely have my "touched out" days, too.

Wow, I can surely empathize. I have two ds, one birthday boy who just turned 4 and a 14 month old. As soon as I had DS#2, DS#1 decided he wanted to nurse just about everytime the baby did. Man, was I wiped out. He used to do the same thing as yours, yelling for nursing in all the wrong places. It is all about the new baby. Mine did the same thing. My DH used to get really upset about the embarrassment of him making such a fuss, especially when we were in public - you know, with a three year old yelling to nurse. It was very stressful for me, trying to handle the new one with the older one fussing, plus you feel guilty that the older one is being "put out" now.

Thank goodness it has been OK to tandem nurse. It never really was great, but I have been able to put up with any of the cons because of the pros (convenience being one!). I never expected to do it this long, but I have been tandeming for 14 months. And I never expected to wean him either. I always wanted it to be his choice, but I find that his nursing is starting to bother me a bit - I can't really put my finger on it...maybe his latch, his mouth growing... I don't know what it is, but it is between ticklish and nails on a chalkboard. I didn't want to stop, but I didn't want to continue either. And I think that you and I need to cut ourselves a little slack as nursing until four is pretty darn good!

I finally got DS#1 down just to just nighttime, then a couple weeks approaching his birthday two days ago (8/6) I have been saying, "you know, you will be four and you really don't need "mimi" like your baby brother because you are getting so big now. I think that on your 4th birthday we can stop. We have been nursing for a long, long time. Mommy can still cuddle with you and love on you, but we don't have to nurse like we used to."

Then his birthday came. I was a wreck - he was not- and I spent half the night looking online at mothering.com posts and la leche regarding weaning. Was I doing the right thing? He has always been my nursing boy, and seemed to really need it. (In fact, his family nickname was "Milky"!) Well, it is our second night without mimi tonight. Last night he asked for it several times, but not in a panicked way (I would have let him nurse in a second had he been hysterical) and I just said "let's see if you can go a night without mimi", and he did without any tears or arguing. Meanwhile, I am sobbing outside the door....at least we all still sleep together. We will see what happens this evening.

Merrick, I don't know if I've helped at all...it is so funny that this is the topic of the newsletter today. I would have given $50 for this to have been last week's topic!

Quote:
As a strong supporter of extended breastfeeding; please allow me to suggest that you should try pumping some of your breastmilk into a glass and letting your son have it that way. As far as you weaning your son from your breast; Please don't rush! If your 4 year old son is always attempting to lift up your shirt to breastfeed; maybe he's just doing it to get your attention. I wish for you and your son many more happy years of breastfeeding!!.

seems like every step forward is followed by 1/2 a step back. they do cut back on nursing eventually, but it's on their timetable and usually not ours, but it will happen.
who knows what lurks in the mind of a 4yr old....but it sure can wear you out!

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My oldest son will be 4 in January and he still really loves nursing. I have forcefully cut him back to 3-4 times a day (sometimes 5-6, but not often). He asks about a dozen times a day. A few months ago he was still nursing hourly during the day. I plan to let him self-wean, but I just couldn't nurse him ALL THE TIME anymore. It was killing me and hurting our relationship.
I had tried unsuccessfully to limit his nursing before, so I feel like he must have been ready in some way to make those steps towards weaning. We cut back to 6 times a day around May, and since then, he's gone to 3-4 mostly on his own (I cut out the bedtime nursing to help him stop bedwetting- it worked).
He still asks a lot but doesn't mind a no very much anymore, unless he's just exhausted. I'm actually believing he'll wean someday.
I know limits are controversial in CLW circles, but for both of our sanity, they really helped. I'm prepared to nurse for a couple more years if he wants to, with our new arrangement.