[Cuddlebaby]

and Passover season. all this deleavening. remembering of God's loss of a Son when I just had lost a son too. so tough. very tough. but better now that it's here. I think the 'leading up' period is worse. why is that? anticipation? I just keep remembering that I was hugely pregnant and ignorant of how very different my life would be after Micah was born dead. I'm sad that I am almost a year out now. seems so far away. I don't want to be this far away from birthing Micah. He'd be so cute right now learning how to walk and being more interactive with the kids.

Sunday is the BIG DAY. We are going to spend it outside planting a memorial garden. We bought some ornamental fencing to section off part of the lawn next to the house and Albert put that up last night. (new-to-us house, needs lots of land help). The bulbs I planted the day MIL died in November are coming up.

I may even go through his clothes. maybe use some in a quilt some day after we get the sewing room done.....

 

[expatmommy]

 

[SMR]

 

[NullSet]

I'm not sure why the lead up is worse but I agree. For me it was the constant thoughts of 'she was alive a year ago' until finally I got to the point where I knew she had died. Then it's like I could relax a little and try to remember her in a happier way, like holding her in my arms, counting her fingers and toes....

 

[Amy&4girls]

I am so very sorry. I remember the one year mark. And here I am at nine years and it's the same really. It's so hard to be that far from when you had them last. You and Micah and your entire family will certainly continue to be in my thoughts on Sunday as we are remembering our son as well.

 

[Dalene]

You know that you are in my thoughts, R. My days leading up last week were rough and Baker's day was OK--reflective and powerful and wistful. Now I have a few more days to get through, as we buried B on April 12, also Easter this year. I'll be thinking of you on Sunday.

 

[MI_Dawn]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cuddlebaby I just keep remembering that I was hugely pregnant and ignorant of how very different my life would be after Micah was born dead.

Yeah. Ouch.

I think a quilt would be a beautiful tribute.

:

 

[maemaemama]

thinking of you.

 

[Milkymommi]

I'm with you, mama. I think of you and our Micahs often. Seeing that you observe Pesach ( I'm assuming in a messianic fashion

) I hope that you are having a chag sameach ( happy /good holiday) under the circumstances. It's a tough one for us too... a spot at our Seder that should not have been empty

 

[Cuddlebaby]

thank you all. the support I gain here is what pulls me through. milki, can you believe how many things we have in common? wow.

appreciate it much ladies. I will spend much of tomorrow outside planning and planting the Memorial Garden. Family will be bringing over bulbs from their own yards to plant. The kids and I painted rocks for every dead family member (snake, cats, dove, gramma and Micah) that will be there as well as two statues. One of a lion resting with a lamb (symbolizing the World Tomorrow) and another of oversized hands holding a sleeping baby. I even strung a pair of baby boy shoes over a finger. Even though they are used, I think it's a great representation of our family as we think it's kind of silly to buy new clothes that will be worn only weeks/months. Even though I don't personally believe Micah is with God *now* it's so comforting to me to see that statue.

My sister (that I rarely talk to) sent a dozen roses. She said, "if it were me, I'd want to know that people remembered and I wanted you to know that I remembered" I broke out in a bawl. I really thought the opposite. Also got a nice note from my mom (surprise!) and other baby sister who actually got to see Micah. I am still shocked. very.

 

[Cuddlebaby]

hugs to you too Dalene to help you get through tomorrow (and today). as you said, and it's true, the days leading up are worse than that actual day.

 

[Manessa]

Thinking of you.