almost single!

466 Views 5 Replies 5 Participants Last post by scab, Jun 21, 2004

scab

Discussion Starter · Jun 16, 2004

Hello again everyone! I thought I'd write to you and let you all know that I'm super happy and the kids are doing sooo well. They are more willing, cooperative, nice, friendly, generous, happy and all the rest! The baby is having a tough time and everyone she sees that she knows who leaves the room or house, she gets upset and cries. I am thinking this is because she is not seeing daddy any more and she really wants to. I think it's because she knows we left and have not seen him since. This is hard on me, but otherwise, she's super happy.

For anyone not up dated with the situation, I wrote because I was leaving my husband and he has been abusive in the past and terribly emotionally abusive. He's gotten better over the years, but not enough. The last straw was when he told me to call the police on our 11 yr old for taking money from a sibling's piggy bank. Then he told him he has no more family and no home.

I left with him crying in the driveway and the kids ready for a fun trip. I took them and my mom driving cross country for 7 days and stopped at the grand canyon, an alien museum, an atomic bomb museum, and we just had the time of our lives.

I cried a lot after the kids got to sleep and still do, but I'm a different person, so seeing the differences, I have petitioned for a divorce. I am filing bankrupcy. He is fighting all the way and I'm having a hard time with that because he says he's going to file a petition to get the kids moved back to his state. I know from my lawyer he can't so I'm not afraid any more and I told him today I can't tell him I love him any more cause he's been so nasty and mean and horrible... He said that he still loves me. I won't reply...I feel bad after all these years, but it's a must for me...

Can anyone understand? Can anyone give me words of wisdom for the divorce or bankrupcy or any of that? I just don't know what I'm getting in for and need to know. Thanks all. You are such a great bunch of ladies. I love coming here to get the support I desprately need...

Scab.

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L.J.

· #2 · Jun 16, 2004

Well, I don't have any specific advice about the legalities or bankruptcy, but I would say, just take it one step at a time. There are ups and downs during these times and the best thing you can do is keep yourself informed & be the best you can be....for yourself & your kids.

We all go through different struggles & different road bumps along the way. Keep your focus on you & your kids & that will help you keep perspective if things get ugly.

All of these things are part of a process. Take everything in stride and expect that there will be good days & bad days, triumphs & let downs.

You are stronger than you ever imagined and you will find whatever you need when you truly need it.
Good luck!

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Patchy Dragon

· #3 · Jun 17, 2004

No advice but a great big hug

:big hug:

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comet

· #4 · Jun 17, 2004

Yes, here is my advice, after leaving my X-HUSBAND (first time I get to use that phrase, ha ha, as my divorce is final today) I wish I'd proceeded quickly with the divorce. I didn't. I gave him a chance to get his act together. Big mistake. So my advice is to get it done asap while everything is still fresh. File and push for a settlement asap. Do research ahead of time so you know what you want. Make sure your lawyer is up to the task of getting this all done for you. Good luck! You shound like you know what you are doing.

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brusselsprout

· #5 · Jun 17, 2004

I totally agree with comet.

I don't remember if you said where you were moving. I am in CA and the way it worked for me was....I had to establish residency before I could file for divorce. That takes 6 months. So I filed for legal seperation right away...this establishes legal jurisdiction over the children. Then your husband can't file anything in the previous state of residence. Once the seperation was finalized we ammended it to a divorce. It took 2 days short of 8 months for the entire process to take place. Some days that was not long enough to me, other days it was way too long to wait

As far as bancruptcy....have you explored other options. That would be my first advice. Do anything else you possibly can before bancruptcy. My ex filed a few years back. It cost a couple grand to file, and then he had to make payments to the court for three years. As a last ditch effort I think it is worth it, but if you can do debt counselling or whatever I think that would be better.

My middle son went thru big time seperation anxiety the first six months. We just started to arrange things so that he didnt have to be with anyone other than me or occasionally my mom....if I wanted to go to church my mom would come sit in the nursery with him, etc. The first month was really hard though, all three of my children were uber clingy, some times I felt like I could not move because I was holding the baby and the other two were glued to me...with a little time and alot of patience it did get better though

I am glad things sound so positive for you!!!!! Keep looking on the bright side, some days it is hard, but it all does get better.

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scab

Discussion Starter · #6 · Jun 21, 2004

I am in Ca. I have permanent residency here and only lived out of state because of the military. So, brusselsprout, you say filing for separation established residency??? My lawyer didn't tell me that...hum...? That concerns me.

My almost-ex husband is now saying he will file for me to not be able to take my daughter out of state if I show up with her. We were thinking about going back to get the rest of our stuff. We will not be going now. We found a moving company, but he must do all of the packing and sorting! Don't know about that idea!?

We left nearly a month ago and it's been the best month for quite a while because I know I will be free.

I am having a hard time with chruch though. None of the kids want to behave. This was something we had trouble with before I left also though. I also have had to take a job, but did so in the night so that I do not have to leave them at all in the day. I took a paper route and can take the baby with me. I return before the boys ever even wake up! Then I have grandma keep them after waking and feed them then I get to sleep with the baby another couple hours and I have alllll day with them!!!

Does anyone have experience with "status quo" on job issue? Did you work before separation? Did you get a job soon after? How long after? Did you get a full time job? How did you get by monetarily? This is really the only situation that bothers me. Dear old man says courts won't give me custody based on income from support only and therefore he'll get them, but I've also heard that if the kids are used to me, have all their lives been with me all the time, homeschooled and all, and so for most of that reason, they will award custody to me in the best interrests of the children.

Also, did anyone have to prove abuse issues? What did it take? My lawyer says not to worry about that yet.

Thanks again. scab.

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