[allismom]

Hi !l Lately, whenever it is time to stop doing something Allison (22 months) loves, she cries and cries about it. Mostly, if she has watched enough TV (Dora, in particular) and I tell her we have to be done, if it is time to stop coloring or playing play dough, or if it is time to leave the park. All things she really loves to do and just doesn't want to stop! None of them are bad things.......even though I try to limit her TV time, it is incredible what she has already learned from Elmo and now, from Dora! She is learning Spanish! She'll just recite Dora all day long!<br><br>
I always try distraction by having another fun activity to do or to say, "after we eat and take a nap, then we can color more". I don't always promise more Dora if she has already watched an hour of it. I try to always keep my promises too!<br><br>
So, first of all is it considered 'bribing' to constantly be 'promising' "if we do this, then we'll do this" or "if you take a nap, then we'll watch Dora after that"??? Is that a bad practice? It isn't like I am bribing her with bad things so I think it is ok. I just try to keep her focused on the next fun thing we'll be doing when it is time to stop the current one. But it seems I am constantly doing this to avoid fits and tantrums.<br><br>
She really is a well behaved little girl, like I said, she just loves some of these activities so much and doesn't want to stop! She is even dreaming about Dora, and the fact that I won't let her watch it.......she'll wake up crying "more Dora, more Dora"! I feel terrible, she's dreaming about her mommy not letting her do it!<br><br>
All normal? Just entering the two's? How do you handle?<br><br>
Shari<br>
(sorry, new here, no signature yet!)

 

[Evergreen]

Hmmmm<br><br>
I have a 22 month old and maybe it is just a Dora thing! :LOL<br><br>
I don't even have TV, but over the fall break, we visited my inlaws, where she watched one of my nephew's Dora videos. She cried when it was over and still asks to watch it even though we left a week ago, and they live 9 hours away!<br><br>
Bribing vs not bribing- a lot of it is in the syntax. For example, "If you take a nap, you can watch Dora" is clearly a bribe but "It is time for a nap, I understand you don't want to take one, but when you wake up you will feel refreshed to watch Dora." is a bit different. When my daughter has to give up something she will sometimes throw a little tantrum, so I try to do these things<br>
1. empathize with her feelings<br>
2. explain why we have to stop<br>
3. offer an alternative that we can do later<br><br>
Like, today we went on a walk to see some baby goats that had been born yesterday. Dylan didn't want to leave (of course) so I told her that we had plans to eat lunch with her father at one o'clock and we wouldn't want to keep him waiting. She persisted that she didn't want to go home. I told her that I understood that she wasn't happy about leaving,a nd asked her if she was crying because she would miss the baby goats. She said yes. So we spent a few extra minutes saying goodbyes. She was still crying, but we had to leave because my husband was being nice enough to cook lunch for us that it would have been rude to leave him waiting. So, I told her that as well. She started screaming and kicking so I backed off until she cooled down,w hen I asked her if she felt better she said "yes" I picked her up still crying and told her that I love her very much and that I was sorry but we had to leave the goats, and she had every right to feel upset by that. I also assured her I would bring her back to see the goats later. Then when she calmed down, I asked her if she wanted to tell Daddy about the goats and she did. So, by that time we were a little way away from the goats and she was excited about telling dad about the goats.

 

[OTMomma]

I find it hellpful to start giving warnings before it is actually time to stop an activity. Like half way through the show "now when Dora goes off, it is time to turn the TV off" or "we can play just a few more minutes, then it is time to go". That way she has a warning that the time to stop is coming and can prepare herself. I also help her to say good bye to the park, animals, toys, swings whatever, when it is time to go and that we will visit them again soon (though there is no promise that it will be tomorrow). So there is a sense of closure on the actiivty for her. I find that both of those things help. I also try to let her have, just a few more minutes of something at times, so that she can finish what she is doing.<br><br>
You are right that it is the start of the 2s. Just remember to treat her like you would want to be treated and you will be fine.

 

[because]

Yep. My 22 month old DD will lose it if we switch activities without enough warning. Just utter chaos. We do the 3-2-1 minute countdowns and then if it's really a fun thing I'm trying to get her to quit, I'll even say, "OK, it's time to put your boots on and go. I'll count to 10 and then the boots are going to hop hop hop over to you and get on your feet!" By 3 or 4 she's usually laughing about the hopping boots and many tears are saved.<br><br>
BtW, other things can hop, swim, sneak, jump.... onto her to. Like PJs, clothes in the morning or bits of lunch.<br><br>
For DD it's all about warning, humor, and distraction.<br><br>
If we're in a situation where there is no rush or anything, often asking her to do all by herself is good. This can make for a painfully slow experience of putting on pants or whatever but she LOVES feeling like a big girl.<br><br>
Some days I swear I'm running as fast as I can just to stay one step ahead of a total meltdown. I've *heard* that it gets easier....<br><br>
PPs had some good info about bribing v. not bribing.

 

[MamaFern]

lots of good suggestions mommas! thanks.<br><br>
my guy has trouble sometimes with this too.. OTmomma: i like how you said treat them how you would want to be treated. i think that sometimes adults forget that kids are poeple too. why should we always be the ones to dictate what they do? i would really dislike having someone always telling me to do or not do stuff..

 

[OTMomma]

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