[Quindin]

... well, with a midwife, but wihout DH!

DH has to attend a 3 day conference on the 3rd, 4th and 5th of July.
He is the head of his area, so he needs to be there.
It is also a family event, and we all come along with him when it happens.

Problem is: It is 3 hours away, and around my due date!
There is no away I am risking staying away from home and having to give birth in a hospital - and one I don't even know!
So I told DH it is best he takes the kids and I stay behind.
We have no idea how he will manage that alone, but I have no help to watch them here if I go into labour.

Of course he will drive back as soon as I call to say I am in
labour but neither of us believe he will make it in time because:

1. I have so many false alarms, that I only know I am in labour when things are well under way
2. My last baby was born 3 hours after I realized I was in labour.

I am mostly afraid that they will bully me into going to the hospital without DH here to stand up for me. He is THE BEST birth partner, makes me feel safe and calm and really fights for baby and I.
Here in the UK the hospital seems to have a standard procedure to say they WON'T send anyone for some stupid reason they come up with on the spot
because they don't like sending away the midwives they have on staff. DH had to call 3 times and fight with them before they sent them, even though the law says they HAVE to hire independent midwives if they are short of staff because it is a woman's right to give birth wherever she wants.

Anyway, I am hoping and praying that this baby will be " late" like all the others (the earliest was born at 41 weeks) but one never knows...

What would you do?

 

[GoBecGo]

I would stay at home regardless. I had a UK homebirth in 2006. Which health board are you with?

The most common homebirth refusal is at about 36 weeks, just before you're on-call period starts for the birth, when they should be making up the rota for your on-call they phone or write and say that they don't have enough staff. At that point you say that you're really sorry but that you've been planning a homebirth with them for x weeks (however long you have, we requested at 11 weeks PG to have as long a time possible in case they decided to pull this one on us!) and you're not going to change your plans to ease a staffing problem when they have had this much warning. You are in the UK, here women are LEGALLY protected in their right to give birth where they want to and the NHS is under strict legislation to provide a midwife wherever you are.

It might be worth me noting for you that i know LOTS of homebirthing mamas and none of us had issues on the day, we all got our nice homebirths (even me with crazy BP and other issues all through late PG!).

As for the lack of DH, i don't know, only you can know. I personally wouldn't give birth without DP if i could avoid it, but i also labour fast (my one and only labour was just under 4 hours and i also had lots of fals starting and pre-labour so i wasn't sure i was "in" labour even then) and so it's something we think about.

What kind of care do you have? I had domino care - all my antenatal appointments in community and then a homebirth and if i'd needed a hospital transfer my on-call midwife would have stayed with me. Try to meet as many of your on-call team as possible. look over the rota when it's made (i had a freindly midwife photocopy mine so i knew who might be coming as and when i went into labour) and make friends with your team, talk to them about the potential lack of DH. Most midwives who are old/experienced enough to go to homebirths in the UK went into midwifery because they want to serve women and go in for homebirths because they believe in women - if you ask for extra emotional support to "help you" stay home i bet you will get it!

My first midwife on call i had never met before, she came to check me and found me in prelabour and came back a few hours later just in time to catch DD. The birth was great, all at home, no transfer, low stress (and with normal BP throughout!). You read so much (i read and feared it too!) about homebirths being cancelled last minute but really, they can only try, they CANNOT refuse you care. The grumpy manager who tells you it's not possible will not be the sweet midwife who comes when you insist. Try not to worry.

Re-read and see you've had problems before with a midwife call-out for homebirth...does your hubby know the magic words "my wife is in labour, we have booked a homebirth with you, if you do not send a midwife we will ensure you are held accountable for your failure to provide care"?

 

[Mamabeakley]

It sounds like you have two worries that are getting conflated - happens to me all the time! The one is about how your care providers will respond, and the system in the UK is SO different from that which I know in the US that I don't think there's a lot I can say about that one.

The other is about DH being away while you might go into labor. I am having qualms of a similar nature - my DH has an opportunity to do a job a plane ride away for a week, for what is for us a significant amount of money, right around and after my EDD. I've never gone late (DS1 was born 10 days early, DS2 was born 3 days early) but then again, that doesn't mean I won't. Even if I had this baby early, I'm still leary of him planning to be gone for a week when I've got a brand new baby and two older kids adjusting to the big change (not to mention hormones, possible need for recovery, etc.) We haven't decided what to do yet. I'm not sure how long we can really delay, though. It's just . . . while I know I am a strong person and could birth alone if I had to, I'm not sure I'm cold-blooded enough to plan it out ahead of time. DH is a wonderful birth support, and we mesh perfectly during labor. And while in your case I think the odds are good that since it's a short window of time and he would be able to come home if necessary, you wouldn't have the baby while he was gone, in my case I think the odds are good that I might, since it's a longer window and he couldn't really get here very quickly at all.

Good luck.

 

[Belle]

I tell you. I would much rather be alone with a midwife giving birth at home than alone in a hospital with no support whatsoever.

 

[Whispers]

I would also rather have a homebirth alone rather then go to hospital. Infact I almost did. My dh works away from home and only just made it in time for the last half hour of my labour.

As for the mw availability, with my first when I called the mw service to let them know I was in labour, they firstly attempted to fob me off by saying I wasn't on their homebirth list and then saying they didn't have any available mw's.

I simply told them my water had broken 14 hours ago, my contractions were 2-3 minutes apart and if they didn't get a mw there ASAP I was having this baby unassisted. Needless to say I had a mw there in 15 minutes.

Threats from pregnant mama's in labour work a treat.

Plus as someone mentioned earlier you are legally entiteled to adequate care. Their staffing issues have nothing to do with you.

Also on another point, have you considered having a doula with you just in case you dh is away and you need someone to advocate for you.

 

[cristeen]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Belle I would much rather be alone with a midwife giving birth at home than alone in a hospital with no support whatsoever.

:

Is there any family or friend nearby who can be "on call" for labor watch while your DH is gone? If not, can you find a doula who would be willing to be on call for only those days? (I'm thinking maybe pay her a non-refundable deposit to hold those days open, and if you call her you owe her the rest of her fee and if you don't, she's good.)

 

[donutmolly]

I would risk it for myself (because I've always secretly wished to be all alone, even though DH is a great support person. Having no one in my house while I birth sounds like heaven!)

Considering you've never had any babies earlier than 41 weeks, it seems like you have a good chance of baby staying in there awhile after the conference. I wouldn't be surprised if your body waited until DH made it home to start labor...

 

[Quindin]

Thanks for your posts!

This is what I have decided to do:

I will stay home with all 5 kidos.
If I got in labour and DH has to rush home, all he needs to do is to jump in the car. If the kids went with him, it would take him ages to get everybody ready ahend in the car + he has a couple of presentations to do and our oldest can't really help holding the little ones for that.

It takes him 3 hours to get here.
Last time I was sure I was in labour at 8PM and then DD was born at 1AM. I had 3 hours of really serious contractions.
So what I am going to go, is to have a few movies ready for the kiddos, lots of snacks and then my 11 and 9 1/2 yo can sit together with the little ones for those 3 hours while I labour. My 2 oldest are very happy playing with the little ones and are great "mommy hekpers" and 2-3 hours is not that long for them to sit downstairs together.

If a complication happens and I need to be transfered, it will most probably happen right at the end when DH is already back.
I will see if I can get a neighbour to pop in here in case I have an emergency before DH gets home, but honestly... for that to even be necessary, several unlikely things will have to happen at the same time: 1. go into labour in my due date 2. That I have a complication 3.That this complication will happen before 3 hours 4.That DH is not be back on time... So I figure I have nothing to worry about

Anyway, now to another annoying thing I was not expecting. Besides preparing to call them myself when I go into labout and insist I want a midwife sent, now I also need to write to the HEad of Midwives and inform them that I WILL be having my homebirth and that any staffing issue is THEIR problem. Why? Believe ir or not, the midwife ALREADY began trying to prepare me migt have to go into the hospital!!

SHe came with a little story the other day about "how unusually busy they are in July because of all the local soldiers that came home from Iraq in September and got their wives pregnant" Ha! Like that is MY problem!

I HATE it when they try to guilt women into not have a homebirth, and make them feel like they will be robbing staff from other pregnant women if they do. It is their flipping problem to hire extra help. They have 7 months to figure this out. Arghhhh

 

[SublimeBirthGirl]

I'd rather give birth at home totally alone with nobody there than go to the hospital by myself! No thanks. Hopefully, his meeting will pass before you go into labor (I bet that's what happens).

 

[claddaghmom]

I would rather give birth at home alone than in a hospital.

But I would be lost w/o DH. He was my rock during labor. I think for us it would be one of those no-deal type things.

Of course, then you mention you have 5 kids and say one is 11, so that is not exactly being alone. Kids can do a lot....prepping, cleaning, supporting...they can call for help and watch the younger ones.