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I thought about starting a post just like this.

Ds was born in the hospital - no medication, good labor, really long painful pushing phase. He had a really tight cord around his neck when his head came through, which had to be cut before his body could be born. He was blue, limp, and not breathing for a bit, but came back just fine with some oxygen. The nurses admitted later that he gave them a bit of a scare. I wish that hadn't happened, but otherwise it was a decent hospital experience. If I had been allowed to get any rest the next two days I would say it was a great hospital experience!

Anyway, we are planning our homebirth with this one, due in 9 days! Just got the tub delivered last night. I have read and researched until my eyes hurt, and I know that homebirth is safe. I feel confident in my body's ability to birth. I am close to a hospital. I trust my midwives. My dh, mom and sister, who will be there, are all fully supportive. But I still have my lingering 'what if' fears. Sometimes they are compounded when someone like my dad voices his concerns for my safety. My dad has always been a very influential decision maker in my life, so it is hard for me to calmly respond to his concerns and still make this decision. I keep reminding myself that he is truly frightened of any type of 'female' medical issue, so when he says stuff like "What if you need a blood transfusion?" I need to chalk it up to his ignorance and fear, not his godly ability to predict what might happen. He also doesn't understand how I could choose this given what happened with ds. But I have discussed the situation at length with my own and other midwives, and all agree that the situation would have been handled much the same at home (same equipment, etc.), and maybe even better since they would have left ds on my chest while giving him oxygen.

Then there are people like my SIL, who just think I am crazy and irresponsible. They don't really say anything outright to me, but are clear by their disapproving silence whenever the topic comes up as to how they feel. And they gossip all over their office about how crazy we must be to do this, what an irresponsible decision it is, selfish to put our wants over the safety of the baby, etc. etc. Normally I can dismiss these things no problem, but when pregnant and emotional and vulnerable and dealing with my own fears, it is harder to ignore.

I think one of the sweetest things that happened though was from my MIL, surprisingly. When we first told her about the homebirth, she was pretty shocked. Thought it was a bad idea, argued with us about the safety issues, etc. Then a few weeks later over lunch one day, offered to pay for it. That really meant a lot to me, because it said to me that although she didn't understand our decision, she believed that we were smart and responsible enough to make the right choice for us, and that she wanted to support us in that. I was really touched.

So I'm trying to let go of the negative energy, and just focus on birthing energy, and relishing my last days with ds as my only child. Some days are better than others, but I am feeling good about it right now.
 

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Quote:
It's just getting very scarry now that we're almost there. Is anyone else getting freaked out??
YES!

My official due date is Monday, and I'm having moments of total freak out when I realize that it could be any day now. During the moments when the house is fairly picked up and we have groceries in the fridge and ds is being cooperative, I feel pretty cool about everything. But when every toy is dumped on to the floor, food is caked onto the furniture, ds is waking up every 20 minutes because he's congested, and I can't figure out what to feed him, I start to panic. So I'm really trying to just keep things under control here, because it really helps me to stay calm.

I'm feeling a little more behind this time than I did with ds. I still don't have half the diapers washed, haven't washed the carseat cover, haven't set up the bassinet (even though the baby will probably cosleep, I'd still like a little bed area). All the homebirth supplies are pretty much in order, and I finally got dh to test the hose connection last night, so all that is good to go.

I'm just trying to work on relaxing and breathing and keep telling myself that it will all work out.
 
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