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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm not sure how to explain this so bare with me if it's rambly....<br><br>
My dh seems incapable of ever staying home. He always wants us to go out and do something. We live in a really touristy area during the warm weather there is lots to be done outside for free in the winter there is almost nothing that isn't retail and dining out. I enjoy both of those things when I have the money to afford them which I currently don't.<br><br>
We live pay check to pay check (especially the past few months when we have been using almost all of our disposable income to pay my midwife) right now we are broke until he gets paid next week. Broke enough that if I go into labor we will have to use the emergency credit card to buy anything I need during labor and to pay for the babies 1st dr.s visit.<br><br>
This morning at 9 a.m. he says when it gets warm let's go down town. I say no thanks because there is nothing to down there but shoping and eating and we don't have any money.<br><br>
This starts a fight about how he just wants to take dd and get her out of the house-Yesterday we went to Nemo on Ice and out to dinner. why does she need to get out again? DD is about to turn 5 she is super high needs and as a result of always getting to go out on the weekends staying home is like torture for her. I'm about to have a baby in Dec. and we aren't going to be able to keep up this pace of always going out for fun.<br><br>
She expects to go some where everyday. It is really hard on me during the week when it is just the two of us. I also think we should be preparing her now for when the baby comes and getting out all the time isn't very realistic.<br><br>
Plus I just don't want to. We end up going out and I end up having to nag and remind that we can't afford stuff which makes me feel like crap. He would never tell me how to spend money or not to spend.<br><br>
I don't like feeling like I'm no fun and I also hate feeling like I'm the only one who worries or cares about our bank balance.<br><br>
These kinds of arguments frequently turn into fights about him feeling like I just want him to make more money. Which I feel is manipulative on his part because that's not even remotly true. I would just like us to be more responsible with the money we have. I'd like us to come up with a budget together-that's the main thing I'd like us to be in it together instead of it being me against him.<br><br>
I am so stressed out about paying for groceries and all the bills and how we will afford xmas and he just assumes everything will work out fine. I honestly think he would be happy to spend every penny doing stuff because he is just not a planner or a thinker. Before we met he had tons of credit card debt to prove that point.<br><br>
Putting him in charge of bill paying and manageing the bank account won't work either because he really can't be trusted to handle it responsibly.<br><br><br><br><br>
It feels very lonely.
 

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Give him a set amount of cash each week, and let him do as he please with it. If he spends it all friday night than he has to find some thing free to do saturday and sunday. Both DH and I do this, we don't use cards, we don't touch our bank accounts for anything. We just each have X amount of cash each week.<br><br>
Obviously things like the mortgage, DS's tuition, etc don't get paid with from our weekly cash, but all food (both grocery and eat out,) gas, entertainment, present, clothing, toys, books, gadgets and impulse purchases do.<br><br><br>
There are plenty of free indoor/semi-indoor activities, if you can find them. For example many malls have <a href="http://westfield.com/gardenstateplaza/services/wfamily/wfamily-amenities/westfield-play-space" target="_blank">play spaces</a> that are free. Visiting Santa at the mall is also free if you skip the photo.<br><br>
Many of the farm stands around here have cute small farm animals to pet, which is free since they hope you'll buy produce while you're there. They also often have wonderful christmas displays.<br><br>
If you live near a <a href="http://www.wegmans.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/HomepageView?storeId=10052&catalogId=10002&langId=-1" target="_blank">Wegmans</a>, then simply picking up some groceries can be a fun outing. DS loves the childcare room and the model train that circles the dairy aisle.<br><br>
If your near an <a href="http://www.ikea.com/us/en/" target="_blank">Ikea</a>, it one of the cheapest places to eat out. There is a play area right in the cafe, as well as the child care area, and in the children's section.<br><br>
The local zoo run by the counties park department is free several days a week in the summer and everyday in the winter. This is a perfect example of a semi-indoor activity, though you spend a lot of it out doors, there are places to warm up, like the education center and nice warm indoor bathrooms. Of course since it's a county park, you can bring a picnic.<br><br>
Finding these things takes a bit of research, but if your DH really wants to do stuff then he should be willing to put in a bit of time on the research.
 

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I understand the need of both your dh and dd to want to go somewhere out of the house each day. My 3 yr old is like this, while my 5 yr old is happy staying home a few days/week. Since I don;t live in your area, I can' say for sure, but I find it hard to believe that there are no free places to go. Window shopping is free, taking a walk is free, call up a friend and hang out at their house, go to the library..... But w/ you having a baby soon. I can understand you not wanting to go somewhere every day! Thats more of an adjustment to new sibling issue for your dd. He life will hang in many ways, and staying home more is just one of them that she will have to deal with.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">Thanks for the suggestions.
 

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I agree with the previous suggestion. We have a joint account to pay bills and savings, and we each get our own cash to spend how we choose. This has worked really well and we rarely fight about money. I just have to remind myself to keep my mouth shut when DH buys something I think is silly <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 
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