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Am I a bad mom??

544 Views 7 Replies 8 Participants Last post by  PancakeGoddess
My dd is 4y 8m old and she still uses a pull up to go #2 in. We went thru a really ruff time with her when she was almost 3 trying to get her to use the potty. Ended up holding her poo and having some bad problems with it.

She wears panties all day long and uses the potty to pee in. But when the urge hits her to poo she goes and puts a pull up on. My family especially is really giving me a hard time over this. They basicly think I am lazy because dd is not fully using the potty. I tell them that I will not put her thru what she had to deal with before.

I gently encourage her to use the potty occasionally (not something I harp on all the time). I tell them she wont be going to high school using a pull up and she will go when she is ready. There was a very breif time there when she would go on the potty but something not sure what happened that made her stop.

I am starting to doubt myself a bit thinking maybe I am a bad mommy or something
I hear oh (insert name here) was totally potty trained by 2, and I never had any trouble getting (---) potty trained. Please tell me that me and my dd r not alone in this surly there r others that have been thru something similar and I am not just lazy
other than the remarks I am getting I think I am doing the right thing by letting her decide when she wants to use the potty.

I am sure to her there is a very important reason whey she dosnt want to now.
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Sorry- I cannot offer any advice or even BTDT but I will be watching this thread for my sister- who IS there as well. My niece is 4y 6m and still does #2 in a pull up. Wear panties all day, sis has tried EVERYTHING to get her to use the potty and same thing- she would just hold it until she was so constipated. Now, she has just given up. It's not like she'll be using a pull up in 5th grade! But I will be interested to see what others say!
Pooh has never been a big issue for my kids, but my 7 year still sleeps in a pull up. We've tried a variety of things to night train her, but none of them worked. We figure she'll out grow it at some point. It isn't something we discuss with anyone outside our family and I keep the pull ups hid when her friends come over to play. I know that many people would feel this is a sign that either something is wrong with her or I am a bad mom.

About your family -- it is none of their business and I don't think you should discuss it with them anymore. Your DD overhearing these conversations will only make things worse. I would come up with one line and just keep repeating it until they figure out that the conversation isn't going anywhere. For example, saying something like "Thank you for your concern, but DH and I have decided to let her outgrow this rather than making it into a control issue." If they try to agrue, just keep repeating the exact same thing. Eventually, they will get the point.

hugs to you.
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You are not a bad mommy, you are a good one. Chronic constipation can become a much, much longer-term issue if it's not handled lovingly now. You are doing the right thing! You should be praising her for asking for a pullup - some kids will just poop in their pants involuntarily because all the withholding causes stretching and encopresis. (speaking from experience here.) You *don't* want her abandoning the pullup and just withholding - so tell everyone else to (politely) butt out.

When she is ready you will be able to encourage her to go into the bathroom to poop in her pullup, and then gently transition to sitting on the potty w/the pullup, etc. It will come! Good luck w/your family.
you are a great mommy, you are listening to your childs needs and not forcing the issue. she will one day poop in the toilet! for now, keep up the good mommying and tell them to buzz off.
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You are doing what we did and your dd will get there when she's ready.

I stopped telling people about ds nursing, he weaned at 4 1/2, because they became tired of asking when he would wean. I don't know if your dd self-weaned but I told people that ds was doing child-directed weaning and bathroom training just like everything else he does. He taught himself to read, operate the vcr, put on clothes, learned to swing...

If you want to vent or talk about her situation, only do it where you get support and love. It helps boost confidence when talking with the under-informed.
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A friend of mine was tearing her hair out with the exactly same situation!

She got her dd to firstly go into the bathroom with her pull up on,(she was already going in to do a wee anyway so already knew this is where to go), then sit on the toilet or potty with the pull up on. When she was comfortable doing this - took about 10 days from memory, she *unfortunately* got a packet of pullups that were broken on one side and sort of hung off a bit - she kept it light and her dd actually thought it was a bit funny. So lo and behold, the next packet she bought were *unfortunately* broken on both sides so she just laid the pull up across the top of the potty and her dd accepted it just fine. Boy was she glad!

By the way, her dd didn't like the splash so she always put in a fairly generous wad of paper first. Within about a month there was no problem going at friends houses or shopping centres or the like.

Hope this helps, let us know how you get on.
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Just another btdt so you know you're not alone. I think my son was 5 when he finally did it, with some gentle nudges and candy bribes. Generally, not a bribe type of mama, but he *wanted* to be less afraid, he liked the idea of the incentive, and even with the incentive he sometimes couldn't do it. It took a while.

This is one of the very very few cases in my parenting that I didn't just wait him out and I don't regret it. He was getting himself worked into a swirl bc he knew he was outgrowing dipes but still felt anxious. If you have questions feel free to pm me.
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