[ladybugs_mom]

my dd is 9mo...when she cries I pick her up (and most time try to bf her a little) to help her...

am a bad mother? am I starting a bad habit? I mean I know I should always pick her up if she's hungry or hurt or something, but sometimes when she's getting into something (which is a lot) and I move her away from it, she starts to cry when I set her back down. So I pick her right up. Is that bad?

 

[juicylucy]

no, you sound like a loving, attached mama to me. Did someone tell you this makes a bad mama etc? I ask because it sounds like something my MIL would say!

 

[Lula's Mom]

The need to be held and cuddled is real, and she should have that need met just as you meet her needs when she is hungry or hurt. Is it possible that she is tired and could use a nap, when she fusses about being put down? At 6 months, Marcos wants to be on the floor playing most of the time. But when he needs a nap, he starts to fuss and crawls over to be picked up.

eta: of course, she may just be mad that she can't play with everything she wants! :LOL Can you give her something else that will satisfy her, if that's the case?

 

[ladybugs_mom]

I'm worried b/c a therapist told me that during this time when a little one is learning separation that it's important to my dd the gift of being able to console herself and be with herself. I don't want to be thwarting those efforts.

I do not believe in CIO and never will (and the person who told me about giving my dd the gift of self-soothing, etc, knows, understands & supports that). I'm just not sure what's the balance of allowing my dd frustration, but also being there for her.

If she's been happily playing and just cries because I pick her up from something not safe for her and put her somewhere else, I try to offer her another toy...but many times only my holding her will help. It's like if I pick her up at all, then I have to hold her for a little bit before she'll go back to happily playing alone.

 

[baileyandmikey]

You are not a bad mom, you are a loving and caring attached mom. btw it's a good thing! to take good care of your baby.

 

[joesmom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladybugs_mom I'm worried b/c a therapist told me that during this time when a little one is learning separation that it's important to my dd the gift of being able to console herself and be with herself. I don't want to be thwarting those efforts.

That is wrong. It has been proven that babies who are raised with AP ideals, loving family members who respond to their wants and needs, grow up to be MORE secure & independent. You are a very good mama, keep following your instincts.

 

[alegna]

You're a good mamma. I'd dump that therapist though.

-Angela

 

[mackysmama]

I'm a therapist in training and that's a bunch of crap! The more attached, the better! At 9 months, the most important developmental milestone is learning to trust that others will care for you. Responding to your baby is doing just that! Developmentally, they don't work on independence until their teenagers!